


Legend of Kuyashii

by flyuzuru



Category: Figure Skating - Fandom, Figure Skating RPF
Genre: Established Relationship, European Figure Skating Championships, F/M, ISU Grand Prix of Figure Skating, Other, PyeongChang 2018 Winter Olympics, Sochi 2014 Winter Olympics, Winter Olympics, World Figure Skating Championships, yuzuru hanyu - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-21
Updated: 2019-06-04
Packaged: 2019-11-27 02:06:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 47,390
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18188381
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flyuzuru/pseuds/flyuzuru
Summary: When an aspiring writer and a figure skater meets.





	1. Origin - The Prologue

Disclaimer: I do not own... Yuzuru Hanyu? Lol.

* * *

 

_The world was in chaos. The gods thought that humankind, once their most prized creation, deserved punishment for the endless deceit, avarice and love for violence. But one god did not agree. He wanted to give humankind one last chance. After a fierce debate, he managed to convince the others. And they devised a plan._

_The gods pulled their resources, deciding that humankind needed a saviour. One that would look like them but still be different, one that they could connect with, admire and be inspired by. They took the fluff of the clouds to create his cheeks. They harnessed the power of light and put it in his skin. They took the blanket of the night to fashion his hair and they sprinkled stardust in his eyes. The brilliance of the sun went to his smile._

_They asked the wind to lift him when he needs it, make him fly as he wants to. They called the fierceness of winter, the laughter of spring, the gentleness and warmth of summer and the beauty of autumn. They instilled in him the threat of a storm and the splendour of a sunrise. And if you peer into his eyes, you can almost hear the crashing of the waves as they hit the shore and feel the taste of luscious strawberries on the tip of your tongue._

_When he speaks, you hear the thunder in his voice mixed with the singing of birds. He was given the strength to protect, the power to inspire and demand attention—so that humankind will not resist his charms and he will be able to carry out his duty of saving it from itself._

_In the gods’ realm, they marvelled at their creation. It was witnessing perfection. They applauded and praised themselves for a job well done. But they had one fear. For even gods, no matter how powerful they are, have weaknesses. Humankind is not ready for their creation. He was simply too beautiful._

_But one argued, that he needed to learn the ways of humans. He needed to connect with them, be one of them. But one protested that he has been bestowed with the knowledge of the gods—he does not need to mingle with the others. But knowledge is one thing, said another. Wisdom is the ability to determine which of that knowledge is true, and lasting._

_The discourse was endless. Until one small god, a little one really, someone who was content with staying in the shadows—unseen and invisible to the others, raised a hand and offered a solution.Her fingers were still glistening with the stardust she collected from the heavens. They looked at her in disbelief, almost as if to ask who she is._

_She spoke in a small voice. And the gods listened. They understood and agreed that it was a good idea. And so they searched the land for their creation’s would-be caretakers. A loving family that will mould him to be the saviour humankind so desperately needed. They sought to find humans that will guide him to greatness as he is destined to be._

_And find they did. In the land of the rising sun, a family has been chosen. His human father will give him a name, a strong name, a name fitted for the gods’ creation. Born from feathers and as tight as a bowstring—it was apt as he had the power of wind and the might of the gods behind him._

_On a fated day in December, with the wind knocking on doors and the cold making itself known, Yuzuru Hanyu, was born._


	2. LoK - 2

Disclaimer: I do not own… Yuzuru Hanyu? But in this, I do.

* * *

_Present Day:_

* * *

 

I did it. I did it. I quit my job, packed a few stuff, went to the airport straight to the last-minute tickets and I’m here. Well, that’s saying something… I’m in a frozen land called Toronto, Canada. It’s not exactly the vacation most would think about. When people say ‘vacation’, they mean beaches and tropical fruits. Maybe somewhere in the sandy shores of Palawan in the Philippines like I always hear from my ex-colleagues. But I was just so desperate to get out—it didn’t matter where I ended up. 

And so here I am, after a 9-hour flight knowing nothing about the place I’m going to—I entered the city blind. Normally, I would have been anxious and nervous, jittery while I fidget with my fingers thinking about how I am not in current control of my life. The loss is daunting but nope. Not today.

I remember looking out the windows as the seatbelt sign turned on and I settled in my seat. The plane started to taxi as the familiar lights of my city blinked back at me. As if they’re telling me not to go. I felt like a thief sneaking off into the night as the city shone on. I took my Kindle out of my bag and put on my headphones. Nine hours was a long time and I planned to catch up on the books I wanted to read. But my mind was blank. And I felt like the vice-grip on my chest and heart has loosened up.

I ended up in a frozen world and now, I am starting to shiver. I am not ready for the cold wind that slapped my face as I leave the airport and look around for a taxi. I don’t know where I am going but right now, I need to move. Anyone else would be panicking. But I don’t mind. At this point, I’d rather be here than anywhere else.

* * *

Okay. My feet hurt and they’re frozen. My bag is heavy and snow has started to fall although lightly. I’ve been looking for the hotel for the past thirty minutes. People are nice enough to point me to the right direction but ever since the snow started, they huddle in their jackets and I can’t seem to stop anyone. I shouldn’t have made the taxi driver let me off earlier in an attempt to ‘enjoy the scenery’ and forget about my inadequacies when it comes to reading maps and navigating. Also, even though my limbs are freezing, sweat is starting to run down my back and I am sure I look every bit as my 9-hour flight. My phone battery is almost gone but I take a screenshot of the map I’m following just in case it dies. If I’m not mistaken—and I’m frustrated enough to prove that I am not an idiot to myself—it should be right across the street somewhere. 

Sighing, I stop beside someone who is wearing a black winter coat. He seems to be at ease with the cold as he nods his head with whatever he’s listening on his earphones. He has a plain black cap on and a small cabin luggage with him as he takes his phone out and I look away. I am out of breath as I watch the red light instead and wait for it to turn green.

I look at him again from my peripheral vision. He has almond eyes from what I could glean from my sneaky glances as I wonder about his luggage. Great! He must be a tourist too. And from the map, this is the only hotel in the area. We’re probably going to the same place and I can just follow him—the light turns green and I take a step. But the next thing I know, my left foot slides outward and my hand flies out—grabbing the nearest thing I could hold on to as I fall down hard on the pavement in an odd angle with a yelp.

I groan like the injured animal that I am as I look up to see a pair of almond eyes—are they super dark brown or black or wait— “Can you stand?” He asks.

It was then that I realised that I am holding on to him. I let go immediately but he doesn’t move away. Instead, he holds me by the arms and tries to help me up as I nod dumbly. I get on my feet but groan aloud as my left foot gives out and I fall back again on my ass. “Sorry!” I blurt out. But he shakes his head and lowers himself down beside me. He has a small smile on his face and there’s this dimple on the upper right corner of his mouth. “No problem.” He says. “I carry you, is okay?”

Fuck—what? Did he say he was going to carry me? Carry me to where? But before I could even say anything else, he takes my arm around his shoulders and half-carries me to a nearby bench I did not see before. My butt is smarting and I keep a whine in my throat. He goes back for our luggages and drags them back to us.

“May I?” He points to my boot and I am speechless so I just nod dumbly again. He doesn’t take off my shoe but he grabs hold of it and turns it this way and that. I yelp involuntarily. “Slight sprain, maybe. But you are okay.” He gives me a small smile as he straightens up. “You are not… from here.”

Finally, my body remembers that it knows how to speak. I clear my throat. I could totally say that he’s not too. He has East Asian features—he’s more beautiful than me—something I don’t want to admit but I have to. His English is broken and yet adorable, heavy with an accent. “Uhhmm—yeah. Sorry for… grabbing you like that.”

He shrugs. “Where you going?”

I test my foot on the ground but it’s still a little bit painful. My sitting back down reminds me of how exhausted I am and now I feel like I can’t move any further. “To this hotel called… Mapleleaf?”

A finger to his chin as he thinks, looks around and points across the street. “Maybe three streets away. Over there.”

“Three?” I gasp.

He nods. “You cannot go in that.” He points to my foot. “You can come with me and I get you ice-pack.”

“To where?” He’s a stranger and wait—hold up. He’s not a tourist? Or does he live here? What’s with the luggage then?

He points to a building behind me. “That is TCC. I train there.” I follow the direction he’s pointing to with my gaze and I see a big building with the initials TCC in big bold letters in front. A huge parking lot to the left, I see maybe one or two people come and go. “You uhmm…” He grasps for the right words. “Hesitate? But I am good person. I know sprains and want help you.” He chuckles. Well, he must have seen the look of worry and confusion on my face. He offers me his hand. “Come on.”

I relent. I’m pretty much helpless anyway and I really do need to get out of the cold even just for a little bit. With his arm, he reaches over and wraps it around my waist with a quick apology and helps me on my feet. He waits until I grabbed hold of the luggage with my other hand and we limp towards the building.

It’s a club—one of those sports clubs exclusive to members of the upper class. One that I can never get into. My breath was coming out in gasps as I think about what he said—that he ‘trains’ here. If he does, then he must be rich. No, he definitely is. We enter the building and a blast of warm air hits me. He leads the way to an area with plush armchairs and I sat down on one of them. “I’ll be back.” He says.

Highly aware of what I must look like, I quickly take out my pocket mirror to check my face. And I groan. I’m right. I look like a burrito with half my hair plastered on my face. Tissues save the mess. Fuck. I look horrible and my skin is dry and numb. I take a hair tie and gather my dead locks into a ponytail. When I am at least presentable, I take off my jacket and breathe a sigh of relief. I look around. In front of me is a big glass wall and on the other side is a skating rink. There are some people skating on it.

Okay. I am not an athlete. I spend time seated behind a computer the whole day with the fingers tapping across a keyboard. I’m the kind that doesn’t like to sweat unless I have no choice and gasp for air after two flights of stairs. I feel out of place.

He comes back, without his coat. He has an ice pack on his hands and I take it gratefully. I kick off my boot and put it on the spot. Aside from it, he puts down a paper cup of hot chocolate on the table beside me. He sits across from me with a smile. His cap is off now and his hair is shiny and jet-black but is almost dark brown in some lights. What draws my attention is his eyes. They’re the most beautiful shape I have ever seen. Now that we’re in a less-pressured environment and my foot is more numb than ever, I notice his build as he bends down and zips open his cabin luggage.

He’s wearing a plain black shirt but I could tell he has a lean, muscular build. His arms are sinewy, now that he’s removed his coat. I feel a slight panic as he pulls up his shirt over his head to reveal a skin-tight dry-fit plain black training shirt with short sleeves. I spot a UA logo near the neckline. He leads back on his chair and takes a drink from his water bottle.

“You okay?” He asks. His voice is high but not too high, nor was it deep.

I pat the ice pack. “Thank you for this. And this.” I say with a shy smile, pointing to the hot drink.

“So… What you do here?” He gestures to my bag. “You train here too? Brian didn’t say something about new student.”

I shake my head. “Actually, I just got off the plane a few hours ago. I was just looking for my hotel.”

“Oh. You here in Canada for vacation?” He doesn’t look surprised as he nods absent-mindedly. His hair bounces when he does. “And you?” I ask as I take a sip. “I thought you were one too.” I point to his luggage.

He shakes his head. “Oh no.”

“You say you train here. What do you… do?” I imagine which kind of sports he’s doing. Well, we’re in Canada so maybe…. Hockey? But he doesn’t have the build for it.

He smiles and points to the skating rink in front of us. “I am a figure skater.”

Oh. I wouldn’t… expect that in a million years. But now that he’s said it, his long arms and legs, the way he holds himself… I start to notice the grace of his posture and movements. It suits him. He lifts his wrist and looks at his watch.

“Please don’t let me keep you.” I say apologetically.

But he shakes his head again, a little bit distracted. “Is okay. Rest here. I need to practice more but if you wait, I take you to hotel later.” I nod as he gets up on his feet and turns on his heel. But he looks over his shoulder, “Tap on glass if you go.” And my eyes follow him as he leaves.

But I don’t. Instead I hang around as he goes through a door and reappears on the other side of the glass wall in the distance. I watch him sit on the bench and take out his skates out of his bag. Even in the distance, I see black boots with black guards. He takes out a plain white jacket with the logo ANA on the back. He puts it on and zips it up before bending down and putting on his skates. He moves too fast, his fingers flying as I watch transfixed. Muscle memory is clearly at work as in a matter of minutes, he’s done. A few people stop by in front of him to say hi and he waves back.

I forget about my numb foot as I watch him get up and organise his stuff back in his bag. Prepped and ready, he stretches his arms above his head and then he types something on his phone. He looks different from the normal person who was with me earlier. He’s not smiling now and he looks fierce. He takes off one blade guard and steps on the ice. Upon seeing him, the other skaters, give him space and stick to the sides with their spins. He’s lithe—like a cat. He glides to the middle and I watch with my chin on my hands, elbows resting on the table, my hot chocolate forgotten.

I assume he is waiting for his music to start or just simply concentrating because he stops in the middle, head down. I can’t… I can’t keep my eyes off of him and I still wouldn’t even if I could. I’ve seen figure skating on television before. Sometimes, I even stop and watch a few minutes of it. It was always mesmerising to see how smoothly they glide on the icebut not like this…

He moves.

I can only produce a sharp intake of breath on my part. I feel my chest tightening up as I lean closer, determined to drink every single move, every step, every sequence, every piece of choreography.

He. Is. Beautiful.

I don’t know what the moves are called. But he is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen in my whole life. He spins with his arms above his head. He takes off in a jump with such force that I see some traces of ice explode when he lands but with such unparalleled grace I don’t know if he flew or whatever and I swear he has wings even though I can’t see them. The choreography—the way he moves. His body flows from one position to another—he takes up the whole ice and the other skaters stay out of his way, mostly watching him. He moves like water, a paintbrush on canvas, like clouds in the sky. He doesn’t beg for attention. He doesn’t need to.

He commands it.

I remember the bounce of his hair, his dark eyes and my fingers itch. I summon the look of fierceness on his face as he stepped on the ice. I fish a pen out of my bag without taking my eyes off of him. I take my notebook and just as he skates on ice, words flow out of me as I remember the city I left behind not even less than 24 hours ago.

I am reminded of what drove me to get out of my city. And as I watch him, I am filled with something beautiful—something inspirational, I don’t even know what to call it. Hope? Hope for what?

I flashback to earlier—back out there, sitting on the pavement. Then I look up to see dark eyes fringed with dark hair and a small dimple when he purses his lips and smiles and with his eyes twinkling, I write—

 ** _There is something about your eyes in this moment that makes me want to believe. You make me want to believe. And isn’t that what we are all looking for?_** **

My pen stopped its scratching sounds on paper. And I realise that I don’t even know his name.

* * *

I didn’t notice how much time has passed. The club seems to be quite deserted compared to earlier, which is not surprising as it is actually a weekday morning. But about two hours later, he startled me just as I was chewing the end of my pen. 

"You know, that is bad habit.” 

I immediately drop it. He’s slick with sweat as he sits down heavily beside me. He sighs and wipes his face down with a towel I recognise to be covered with Winnie the Pooh. I hide a smile, I like Winnie the Pooh too.

“Sorry.” I say. I don’t even know what I’m apologising for. I take my pen and notebook and slip it inside my bag. I’ve been trying to add some more sentences to this story I’m trying to write but his skating is too beautiful. Watching him glide and fly across the ice is too distracting.

He shrugs with that small smile on his lips and takes a long drink. A group of teenagers pass by our spot. I would guess that they’re around 15-17. They squeak and giggle as they ogle at him. They have skates with them too and I assume that they must be some of his juniors. One of them calls his name, “Hi!”

He looks up from his phone distractedly and smiles briefly. “Hey.” It was kind of a stilted response as he goes back to his phone almost immediately. But the girls don’t seem to mind as they leave but not without giving me a dirty look first. I feel slightly taken aback but I shrug it off as he sighs heavily.

“How is foot?” He asks.

I flex it. The ice has long melted now and I only have a bag of lukewarm water. “It’s loads better.”

He nods and takes the pack from me. “If you wait more, I take you to hotel. I just need to change first.” He waits for an answer and for a second I’m not sure if I am to say yes. I mean, he doesn’t have to. Should I? Aww, damn it. I should have just sneaked off earlier. But he was just so mesmerising to watch that I… I couldn’t get off my butt and I find myself nodding. “Yes, please.”

He leaves with another smile—one that makes his eyes disappear into cute little slits and the dimple on the upper right of his lip appears again. I follow him with my gaze as he disappears into yet another door. And I remember that I forgot to ask his name again.

* * *

 

We walk slowly. My foot is okay and its not too bad but a certain pressure makes me yelp a little as we make our way towards the hotel in the snow. He offers to assist me but I shake it off. Instead, he takes my luggage and matches his pace with mine. He doesn’t talk much but it wasn’t an uncomfortable silence. He hasn’t asked me for my name yet and I… I don’t want to be too forward so I stay quiet beside him.

I’ve seen my fair share of Asians. And he looks… Japanese—if I am not mistaken, being half myself. The way he sometimes loses his R’s and L’s is obvious. But I am so detached from my Asian origins that I am ashamed to speak about it. We reach the hotel and I am grateful to be out of the cold once again. It looks okay. It was the most reasonable one I could find when I landed. 

“Mr. Hanyu, back so soon?” The man at the receptionist greets us with a smile. Hanyu? Hanyu? It sounds… familiar. And Japanese, definitely. I check out his name tag which reads William. Mr. Hanyu shrugs beside me, “Hi, Will. Any mail?”

William laughs. “Several boxes actually. I can bring them up to your room later.” Mr. Hanyu nods and gestures towards me. “Thank you. She wants check-in.”

William turns his attention to me. “Anything for Mr. Hanyu’s friends. Hi! Welcome to Mapleleaf. Do you have a reservation?”

I shake my head. “No, sorry…” I am aware that Mr. Hanyu is still standing idly beside me. He has not moved and is looking at a hotel brochure.

“Not to worry!” William says cheerfully. “May I have your name?”

“Yuki. Yuki Gallego.”

“Then, Ms. Gallego, please fill out this form. How long are you planning to stay?”

I stop, my pen hovering in the air. How long exactly? I haven’t… really thought about it. How long will this last? —But William is waiting for an answer and I blurt out one without any more hesitation, “two weeks please.”

“Okay. May I please see some identification?”

I fish in my bag and hand him my passport. He types something in his computer as I drum my fingers on the counter. After a few minutes, he gives me a big smile and a key card. “301 please. Do you need help with your bags?”

But Mr. Hanyu interrupts. “No, thank you, William. I help.”

“Oh… Uhh… thank you.” I say as I follow him who is already hurrying off to the elevators with my luggage.

“You stay here too?” I ask, as we step inside. He failed to mention that. He nods, “Yes. Always.” I am itching to ask him his first name but I still can’t. The lift stops at the third floor and we step out. To the right is a door marked 300. We skip and he leads me to the adjacent one, 301.

“Here is 301. If you need help, you can knock.” He makes his way back towards 300.

“Oh.” That I also did not expect. “Thank you again, Mr. Hanyu.” —I blurt it out without thinking but he stops in his tracks and looks over his shoulder. He is grinning and I feel like I’ve just been hit with sunshine and his eyes are almost gone as he chuckles and comes back to me with a hand extended.

I take it and his gloves are warm with a cute logo of a cloud with skates on. He shakes my hand twice. “Yuzuru. Or Yuzu.”

My face seems like it’s going to explode with redness. But I return his handshake and keep calm. “Yuki. Just… Yuki.” He nods. “Nice to meet you, Yuki. See you.” He gives me a small two-fingered wave and disappears behind his door.

* * *

My room is okay. It is not too small. There’s a desk opposite the bed—a spot that I’ll probably be frequenting—and the bed is queen-sized. There’s a microwave in the small kitchen, a fridge, a complementary bowl of fruits and water. I pull my luggage to the side of the bed and collapse on the soft sheets—still in my coat and scarf and everything. 

I stare at the ceiling. The events of the past several hours has me reeling. This time yesterday, I was still staring at my work laptop. But now, I’m in a different country with no one in my past life knowing where the fuck I am or what I’m doing.

“I made it.” I can’t help but whisper to myself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **https://commaful.com/play/turtling/


	3. LoK - 3

Disclaimer: I do not own Yuzuru Hanyu?

* * *

My foot doesn’t bother me at all after soaking in the tub. My body is tired but my mind is wide awake. I feel liberated and full of energy and I want to see the outside. I want to ‘see’ and ‘feel’ the city I am in even though it’s currently buried under snow. I open my luggage and survey my meagre belongings. I didn’t pack much. My computer goes on the desk and I just take my notebook and pen inside a small bag with me.

I need to find somewhere I could chill. I mean, I can do it here—but I’ve always wanted to try hanging out at coffee shops and be the hipster with furrowed eyebrows looking at a blank screen. I need food too, and just on time, my stomach grumbles. It’s just past lunch and I need to eat too. Food first, then hang out. I pull on a comfy jumper and with my tights on, I stuff my feet into my boots. With my damp hair in a messy bun that I don’t have enough care to fix properly, I put on my coat with a scarf and take my bag. I get out of my room just to bump into William who is carrying two boxes, one on top of each other.

“Oh, hi!” I say with a smile. He peeks from behind one box and greets me with excitement. “Ms. Gallego! Hello.” He’s standing in front of Yuzu’s room with the door slightly open. “Need help?” I offer.

But William shakes his head. “Nah, I’m alright.” And as if on cue, Yuzu pokes his head through the doorway. “You’re here.” He says, looking at me. His hair is damp and I catch a whiff of freshness like lemon or citrus. He lets William in and I spy about three other boxes on the floor.

“Online shopping?” I say with an eyebrow raised. But he only shakes his head and I don’t press him for answers. “Where you going?” He asks. I notice that he’s dressed in a creamy knitted sweater with black pants. He looks like he’s about to go somewhere too.

I nod. “Yep.”

“How’s your ankle?” He stares pointedly at my foot. And I give him a big smile. His first-aid with the ice pack really prevented anything worse from happening. “Good as new.” I say.

William heads back out. “That’s all for this week, Mr. Hanyu.”

“Thank you, Will.” Yuzu says.

“Anytime. Then, I’ll be leaving first.” William leaves with a nod as he waves at me. “Good bye, Ms. Gallego.” I wave back as he leaves via the stairs instead of the elevators.

“Lunch?” Yuzu asks. His hands are inside his pockets. I nod. “Hungry. I’m tired from the flight but it’s still early and—“ It was just then that I had a brilliant idea. “Oh and thank you again for this morning. To pay you back—may I treat you?”

He shifts his weight from one foot to another. “That is no need. Anyone will do the same.”

“And some would have just left me to limp around. Really, thanks. How about coffee?” I offer instead. Hey, I am not an ingrate, okay.

It takes him a moment to decide. He looks as if he’s thinking about it hard. I mean, I would probably do that too—we’re strangers to each other connected by an act of kindness—several in fact. Still, I will not be offended if he refuses. But to my surprise, he shrugs. “Okay. Why not? I go get ready.”

Nice. I get a friend on my first day. I give myself an invisible pat on the back. He comes back out again in his coat and a cap. He bundles a scarf around his neck and lets me lead the way to the elevator. He’s quiet again—which gives me a chance to observe him more.

Earlier at the reception, he asked for mail. And William did say ‘boxes’. But four to six boxes of mail? What’s up with that? Who sends four to six boxes of mail?! Wait—who… is he? Okay. Slow down. He’s a figure skater. I mean, I am not very familiar with the sport. I’ve seen random videos on Youtube and on TV and stuff but… an athlete can be famous, right? Like those basketball or football players my colleagues can’t and won’t stop talking about. You just need to be in the right crowd and in the right field. So he might be…

“Were those fan mail?” I blurt out—unable to contain it any longer. Fuck, sometimes I just want to punch myself in the mouth.

He looks at me with a curious expression on his face. He nods slowly. “Maybe?”

My mouth drops open but I manage to catch it in time. “Am I in the presence of figure skating royalty?” I ask with eyebrows raised.

He laughs—a throaty laugh—almost high-pitched but not really—“does it matter?” He looks at me slightly bewildered. He shakes his head in amusement as I let the matter go. Actually… No… It doesn’t really matter. But I am definitely curious. “So you’re like… famous or something?”

He shrugs and he looks as if he’s trying not to laugh or smile. And then I just drop the subject. I’m kind of getting the vibe that he doesn’t want to talk about it and he’s uncomfortable with the topic. Thankfully, he changes it. 

“Where are we going?” He asks out of the blue. But I shake my head and give him a nervous laugh. “I don’t really know where to go. You can decide.”

“Then… Is Japanese food okay?”

The mention of food—especially Japanese—excites me. I’ve always been partial to that cuisine. “Ugh—yes, please!”

He smiles. “Great! There is good one close by. We can walk.” He leads the way a little faster than before. Snow has stopped falling but the wind is still sharp on my face. I wrap my scarf more securely around me. And I curse myself softly as I realise that I forgot my gloves so I jam them in my pockets instead.

The restaurant is mostly empty—maybe because the weather is not that great. He speaks in Japanese to the staff and they all beam when he walked in. He greets them almost one by one and I just stood there, admiring the scene. I’ve never frequented a restaurant so much before that the staff knows who I am. The interior is nicely decorated, with little booths for privacy and some framed photographs on one wall. There seems to be a lot of celebrities dining at the place because some of them have autographs on them. One—framed in a gorgeous filigree— seems to be their main pride and honour. A picture of a man with a chef’s hat and someone in normal track pants with slightly long fring—

I feel a tap on my shoulder. I look up to see Yuzu with his eyebrows raised, reminding me of a cat—a very cute one. And that is saying something because I am more of a dog person. “Let’s sit there.” He leads the way and I follow. We get a booth at the back of the restaurant. Once settled and we’ve hung our coats, he hands me a menu. “Need help?”

I nod, opening the menu. “Your turf. Which one is good?” I ask. He leans over the table to my menu and I catch a whiff of his citrusy scent again. He points to a picture of beautifully plated sushi and I swoon. “Ugh—yes. You know what—just… Take charge of ordering. I eat everything.” I say.

He leans back with a smile and nods. “Okay.” But he doesn’t seem to need the menu. He calls one of the crew and speaks in rapid Japanese. Hearing the language spoken this close is so… refreshing. I don’t understand a word of course but it sounds so much like the anime that I watch. Also—when he speaks Japanese, his voice drops about an octave lower compared to when he is speaking English. And I have no words to describe how it makes me feel—unreal?

He exchanges a few laughs with the crew and he leaves with our orders. His phone rings and he fishes it out of his pocket with a finger at me—“sorry.” He mumbles.

But I don’t mind. I scan the restaurant again but I can’t see the picture I was admiring from earlier at this angle. So instead, I look at the intricate paintings of cherry blossoms on the wall. I can tell from how much each petal is different from one another—that this was hand painted. And I am amazed at the work they put into it. Whoah, the Japanese are very admirable.

Our food arrives in record time—an array of dishes placed in front of me that my stomach grumbles in response and my mouth waters. He puts his phone away and with his hands clasped in front of him, he bows his head slightly and says, “Itadakimasu”. He then picks up his chopsticks and I follow suit. He looks over our choices and he purses his lips while thinking.

But I happily pick up a rolled egg piece and stuff it in my mouth. “Tamagoyakiiiiii!” I sigh in happiness at the taste of the sweet egg in my mouth.

“You’re good with chopsticks.” He says with a smile, picking up sushi off a small plate and dipping it into soy sauce.

“I love Japanese food.” I retort as I pick the same thing as him next. I am still a bit clumsy with the chopsticks but I think I’ve improved a lot with the endless number of sushi I keep having delivered to my house. He nods as he eats and as the first hunger pangs are sated, I lean back and watch him. His movements are calculated yet graceful. He rolled his sleeves up to his elbows and his sinewy forearms are in full view as he reaches for an egg and cracks it over his rice. I try not to stare but his hand with his long fingers—more graceful and feminine than mine could ever be—are distracting me.

“I’m a big fan of unlimited sushi back home.” I add almost lamely. Here I am, in a foreign country, having lunch with a complete—well, I know his name—stranger. He looks up and I avert my eyes immediately, bringing my attention back to my own rice bowl.

“So why you here?” He asks.

I shrug. “A time-out maybe.” I say, reminded of what I’m doing here in the first place.

“You said, ‘back home’. Where is home?” He asks as he takes a sip of his iced tea.

“Germany.”

“Ahhh, German?” He doesn’t sound surprised but his eyes are wide and his eyebrows almost disappear into his shiny black hair.

“I’m half-Spanish and half-Japanese. I just live and work there.” I pick up a beautifully-glazed eel.

He grins and says something in Japanese but I shake my head and giggle apologetically—“I’m sorry. I don’t speak the language. I have no idea what you’re saying.”

“Oh. Gomen. English is fine?”

I nod. “Yes, please.”

“But my English not that good.” He laughs. I tell him I don’t mind. He’s doing a pretty good job of expressing himself. He chuckles and resumes eating. Some of the staff pass by and they wave at him. He waves back with an almost silly grin on his face. He seems like a very funny person, very approachable—a stark contrast as to when he skates. “Have you been skating long?” I ask him. 

“I started when I am four.” He shrugs.

“Oh, cool.” I don’t remember doing anything consistently since I was four. I felt lame.

“Any sports for you?” He asks. But I shake my head. “I did some football a while back because of my ex. But mostly, I just… I’m not really into sweating and stuff.”

“Then… what is your… Interest?”

“Books. Movies… Writing…” I add the last one more as an afterthought.

“You are writer?” I notice that when he’s surprised—he has a small O formed by his mouth and he looks cute and I wonder how old he is. He must be around my age or somewhere close to it. But with his almost childlike antics and expressions—I might be wrong.

“I wish.” I scoff as I shake my head. “I wanted to be. But I’m not too good at it.” I look at him instead, “Are you here alone?”

He nods. “Hai. My mom stay with me all the time. But when I’m older, she go back to Japan to be with my family.” He sounds a little bit distant at the mention of his mother. “What is your job if not writer?”

I gulp and stammer a little bit when I should have expected the question coming. “I am… in between jobs at the moment.” I say sheepishly. “Yes, I am unemployed.”

“You call time-out?”

I nod. “Work was getting boring… I wanted to get away from all of it.”

“And why Toronto? This is not vacation place.” He gestures with his head towards the far window and his hair bounces.

I laugh. “Yeaaaah… You’re right about that. When I…” I take another eel and chew it whole, forming sentences in my head. “When I was in the airport, I kind of didn’t care where I ended up. I just got a ticket to the first flight I can get on and the next thing I knew, I was here.”

He looks at me with what I hope is awe. Or maybe he thinks I’m fucking crazy. I’ll probably think the same, to be honest. “So… you just pack and leave? Just like that?”

I nod slowly. When he says it like that… I do sound deranged. “Well, not… just like that.”

“Did you tell your family? That you go somewhere for two weeks?” He asks with a small smile—as if he’s teasing me. But I shake my head slowly. “Uhmm… no.” There’s no need to tell him about my lack of a family.

“No one knows you here in Toronto?” He presses on.

“Are you going to kidnap me?” I blurt out.

But he chuckles and it’s this cute sound and I can’t help but laugh with him. “But you are not ‘kid’.”

“Then… adult-nap?” I suggest as he laughs a little bit louder.

“I am… skater. Not… adult-napper.”

“You think I’m weird then? Strange? An upstart? Wild?” I challenge as he throws his head back and laughs to his heart’s content. He shakes his head and his eyes are captivating and I feel like I’m being scanned or x-rayed as he calms down and takes a deep breath. He looks at me seriously, “No. I think you very brave.”

He smiles and picks up his chopsticks again. But all I could think of was that he called me brave. Nobody has called me that before.

Brave…

I like it.

* * *

I wake up to the sound of my phone alarm. It usually wakes me up for work but I forgot to turn it off. Groaning, I wake up all stiff and it takes a minute or two for my soul to catch up. I need coffee… I think miserably as I look around my hotel room. My bag is wide open, all the contents mixed and jumped due to the search for sleepwear. Apparently, I forgot to pack proper pyjamas so I ended up sleeping in a shirt and undies.

I grab my phone from the bedside table. A few messages from colleagues wishing me on my new ‘journey’ and new company. I almost scoff at this. If only they know that my abrupt resignation didn’t involve transferring jobs.

Yesterday, after lunch, Yuzu left because he said he had homework and had to go back to the hotel. So I was left to my own devices after that. I did find a nearby cafe and I did a lot of sketching and sitting and just trying to force myself to write anything. I really wanted to do more walking so that when I go back to the hotel, I’d drop dead but snow has started to fall again and I really can’t remember what I did for the rest of the afternoon. I was mostly staring off into space, I guess.

It’s almost noon and I’m hungry so I drag myself to the shower. The feel of water is refreshing and I sigh in relaxation as I scrub myself. Lunch was ramen at the same Japanese restaurant. They seem to remember who I am from yesterday and the crew who served us was kind enough to translate some of the menu for me. He recommended a dish that was utterly delicious.

To be honest, I half-expected Yuzu to walk in—not that I’m waiting or keeping an eye out. But he didn’t and I just went back to the same cafe afterwards. It is a very cozy place with a lot of comfortable armchairs and I settle in immediately with my black coffee and a chocolate chip cookie.

I lose track of time—as what usually happens when I am in the ‘zone’. I sit back and watch the people pass by the window but mostly, I just sip my coffee and eat my snack. This is nice… I have no work to trouble me, no pending tasks, no deadlines, no conference calls—nothing! Just the soft house music and the scratching of my pen on paper as I doodle. The cafe is almost empty too—with a few old couples here and there.

Lost in my thoughts, I nearly jump out of my skin when I hear someone near my ear—“What are you writing?” I look to my right and almost collide with a face that’s peering over my shoulder. “Yuzu!” I gasp as I clutch my notebook to my chest.

He grins boyishly and moves to sit on the chair beside me. “I surprise you?” He has a cup that smelled heavenly of hot chocolate. Must try that next.

“Obviously!” I blurt out—my heart is still pounding as I try to catch my breath.

“Sorry.” He doesn’t sound sorry at all as he grins. “I almost think you see me walking.” He says as he looks around before removing his cap. He runs his fingers through his hair and I busy myself with my coffee. He removes his coat and hangs it at the back of his chair. He is wearing a black pullover and he looks good in it—too good. “What are you writing?” He asks again.

Redness bursts on my face as I awkwardly close my notebook and try to stuff it quickly into my bag but his fingers gently capturing my wrist stop me. “It’s nothing!” I say hastily. There’s a small frown on his face. His mouth opens and I wait for him to say anything else but he seems to collect himself and lets me go. “If you say.” He leans back on his chair.

“So uhh… How was training?” I ask.

He scrunches up his nose and he just shrugs. “It’s okay. Better today. Yesterday is not so good.” I want to ask what he’s doing here but I don’t know how to say it. I don’t want him to think that I’m making him leave, because I’m not. “You sleep okay? How is…” His hands wring as he looks for the word.

“Jet-lag?” I suggest. He nods vigorously. “Yes. Jet-lag.”

“Not bad. I slept til noon.” I answer. “Did you finish your homework?”

The mention of homework makes him grin and groan at the same time. His face is so expressive and I can’t help but giggle along with him. “I submit homework yesterday. But is okay.”

“I can’t say I envy you. The last time I was in school, I was… 21… I think.” It seems like a long time ago.

“But you go to normal school? You have classmates? I don’t.” He looks at me over the rim of his cup and I am painfully aware of how plain I must look right now with his scanning eyes. I have an urge to pat down my hair to make sure I look at least presentable.

“Nothing else to do today?” I ask.

“I should… go have class. Also image training.” He says.

“Is that what I think it is?” I ask, genuinely curious.

“Maybe…” He smirks and yes—there it is again, that dimple.

“You’re not going to tell me?”

“What you think is image training?” He takes another sip of his hot chocolate.“Uhh… you picture stuff in your head?”

He laughs. It’s deep and then high and cute, almost giggling. “Yes! Is sound stupid, I know.”

“Does it help?” I ask. I am genuinely curious.

“Yes. I… I see something in my head so I know how I do it… in real life.” I nod at his answer knowingly. That makes a lot of sense. “Do you do dance lessons too? Like ballet and… stuff?” I ask—because being an athlete must be super hectic but here he is sitting in a cafe with me, drinking hot chocolate and chatting.

“Sometimes when choreographer says yes. But I have program now so no.” He explains. “I do image training in my room and sometimes here if bored.”

“Here?”

“Yes. That—“ He points to my chair, “—is my chair.”

I grin at his squinting eyes threatening me but his mouth betrays him. His lips are pursed almost pouting and his dimple is showing. “Well, I didn’t see your name on it.”

He relents. “Okay.” He leans back, a finger on his chin. He disarms me sometimes—how can one person have so many expressions? Earlier he was looking murderous and now, childlike and innocent! His eyes are wide and curious, “So what you writing?”

I groan inwardly and bite my lower lip. The thing is… No one has asked me this question before. None of my friends knew that I wanted to be a writer. It was actually a secret—a secret that I wanted to keep. There’s a small chance that I could actually be what I want to be but saying it about might make it even less so. It’s sort of a… guilty pleasure. And yet, here is a stranger asking me what I write about. It’s a loaded question and I’ve already let him past some of my barriers.

“You don’t need tell me if you don’t like. Just curious.” He says after a while. He actually does look apologetic as he raises his hands to placate me.

But I shake my head. Maybe this is what I need—to just… let it out. “No, it’s fine. I am…writing. Uhmm… I don’t know how to explain it.” I admit sheepishly. My works are highly emotional and real—based on what I feel at the moment. I remember the one I wrote yesterday. It was just a few lines. It was a spur of the moment thing—one that he induced. One that I cannot let him see.

“Is it like… Poems?” He grasps at words in the air, his dimple keeps on reappearing as he looks up towards the ceiling, his tongue licks his lower lip as he thinks. “Or a story? Not real?”

I shrug. “Sometimes, stories. Sometimes poems. Whatever comes to mind.”

He grins and his straight teeth flash. He could be a toothpaste endorser with his brilliant smile. “How it works? Where is inspiration from?”

I shrug as I tuck my feet under me. It’s comfier and I take a sip of my coffee. It’s gone warm and I’d need a refill soon. “Sometimes… it’s a feeling? Like, for example… on a day like this—how do you feel?”

He looks around and out the window, “Uhh… cold.” He says with a sheepish smile on his face.

I giggle. “Words! Come on, Yuzu. Okay… Look.” I point outside. There’s a huge tree stripped of its leaves on the other side of the street. “When I look at that tree, I think… frozen, barren… alone. You see the way the boughs branch out?” I trace it with my finger as he leans even closer and I could almost hear him breath as he tilts his head, following my gestures. “It makes me think of… arms—reaching out to the sky even if it is winter—a welcoming embrace which is an irony since it cannot provide warmth. I also think…strength.”

“Strength?” He sounds bewildered, his eyebrows shooting up into his eyebrows.

I nod. “Yes. Strength. Because even though everything about its surroundings is telling the tree that it cannot live because of the cold, it endures and it waits for spring!” I do not notice my voice getting excited. I grab a napkin and my pen and start writing, “Look, here. We have keywords: frozen, alone, barren, and yet—strong and enduring and then when all suffering is over…” I write PEACE in capital letters at the bottom of the list. I circle it once, then twice and I say, “Then, I have words I can work with.” I look up to see him close.

So close.

Very close.

Too close.

I can see him—ultra-fucking-HD, like a blown up picture but it’s the real thing—the way his skin seems to glow from within. I wonder what kind of products he uses? His eyelashes are long, framing his expressive eyes. He is biting on his lower lip, chewing it slightly. His finger is prodding his cheek and it dips and I wonder how squishy they would be. He is so feminine and masculine at the same while he looks at the words I’ve listed down.

His long fingers take the napkin from me in slow motion—or maybe it’s not—but fuck he’s like this ethereal person and he does not belong in this mortal world—and he stares at the words more intently, his brows furrowed. The tip of his tongue appears at the corner of his lips, a small pink thing. I am lost in staring at him and my heart skips a beat as he looks up into my eyes. “I live here long time but I never look at tree same way before.” He says so softly, I can barely hear him. His eyes bore into mine, “Can I see your writing?”

It was an expected request. But I shake my head. “I don’t think… we are quite there yet.” I say with a little smile.

He smirks as he folds the napkin and puts it in his pocket. “Not there? Not friends?”

I shrug. “You’re still on probation.”

“As friend?” He grins and I nod. “I mean, we only met yesterday.” I say in a serious tone which makes him nod slowly. “True.” And he backs off, distracted by his ringing phone.

I can’t show him. I’m too embarrassed. I am not that good and confident. No one. No one has seen my works before. They’re safe here in my little notebook—safe within the pages.

“But—“ He says, looking up from his phone, “if you want to be writer, you need to show me” He warns, wagging a long finger at me with a smirk. “I review and maybe I have nice… things to say.”

I sigh dramatically, “You’re right. Maybe then.”

We sit in silence for a few more minutes but he breaks it with, “You can continue writing and your secrets.” He smirks at this as he takes out a little case from his bag. I watch as he opens them and takes out a pair of earphones that I’ve never seen before—not that I know a lot to begin with. He also takes out an iPad. “I promise not to disturb.” He says as he sees me watching.

“Are you going to do your image training?” I ask as I take my notebook out again.

He nods. “Is okay if I do image-training here?” He asks before putting the buds in his ears. “Just touch me when I start to sing and I need stop.” I find myself nodding and he scrunches up his nose at me and smiles, “Thanks.”

He switches off. Just like when he was skating at the rink yesterday. I nibble on the end of my pen as I watch him out of the corner of my eye. He’s angled slightly towards me and I can see the same furrow between his eyebrows. He’s definitely in his own world and I go into mine too.

* * *

It’s amusing to watch him do image training. I swear—I swear—I should be doing my own thing. But come on! Almost the whole time, he had his eyes closed as he made gestures with his hands and his feet silently tapping on the floor. His lips, set into a determined line—always catches my attention as he mouths the words—or the lyrics—or whatever it is he is saying in his head. Sometimes he hums, and just when I think I know what melody it is—I am floored and left in confusion.

So when he sighs loudly beside me, he breaks the last dregs of my focus. I look up from my notes that’s littered with scribbles and crossed-out sentences to see him stretching his arms above his head. His earbuds are hanging around his neck and he leans his head back slowly—and I feel attacked as I felt trapped by the view of his long ne—his eyes open and I look away immediately, my cheeks flushed. I press my palms on them to cool down.

I snap to my senses, flustered with cheeks blazing as I fluster myself with my notebook. My second cup of coffee is half-full and is already too gross to drink. He puts his iPad down and rubs at his eyes. His look that was so full of concentration while he was doing image training is gone. “Are you finish?” He asks.

I shrug in a way that I hope is not too awkward. “I’m running out of words.” When really I’m just spending too much time looking at you not looking at me. But he leans over the arm rest with a lazy smirk and I lean back, “Can I see now?”

And I groan. “Whyyy are you so interested?”

His long fingers reach out tentatively and tugs on the edge of my notebook. I resist half-heartedly and it slips past my grasp. I’m spent and besides the page is full of random quotes and sentences. The story I was writing is already on hold because I’m just grasping at thin air. And now I’m just blank. Maybe he’s right. I need constructive criticism. And besides…

He’s looking at me with big wide eyes and he’s smiling at me and sunshine is streaming and his dark hair is so shiny and he’s so pretty—even more prettier than me. And how? How can anyone in this world be this pretty? Like… how??

He flips pages as I watch him carefully lest he gets somewhere that’s not for other people’s eyes. He doesn’t know me… And he can’t judge what he doesn’t know. He stops on a page where there is a half-finished skyline.

I remember that day. It was snowing and I was at a riverbank, bundled up in my coat and scarves. My fingers were numb with cold and tufts of white smoke billowed around me as I exhaled almost feverishly. But I didn’t get to finish the drawing. I ran out of steam and needed to get back home.

“This is good.” He says in a low voice.

I blush. “Thanks.”

He flips a few more pages and stops at one written in red ink. But before I could stop him with a yelp—he raises his hand to placate me and reads on. I know why it caught his attention. On the left side is a red and black portrait of a woman with disheveled hair—as if she’s in a storm. I used coloured pencils for and on the right is the accompanying piece. 

**_I am an enigma you wish to conquer. Storms and thunder brew underneath my skin._ **

**_I have lightning in my stare, the air crackles with electricity from my fingertips._ **

**_I bring forth fire and threaten your existence._ **

**_Yet, you look into my eyes with awe and despair._ **

**_Welcome, young warrior._ **

**_Can you feel it?_ **

**_I will drown you._ **

**_I will smother you._ **

**_Burn you._ **

**_Are you scared?_ **

**_Do you still want to continue?_ **

**_There are no maps to follow._ **

**_Still, you attempt to explore my endlessness._ **

**_Impressive._ **

**_But…_ **

**_I am an enigma you wish to conquer._ **

**_Whatever you’re looking for…_ **

**_You will never find it.**_ **

He finishes reading and traces the edge of the paper with his finger. He’s looking at me and I want to tear my eyes away but I can’t and this is the first time someone has read my work. And I want to know—I need to know what he thinks. But his fringe almost covers his eyes and he’s looking at me fiercely, calculating… almost scary. And I will myself to look into his eyes—why the fuck is he so intense? “Don’t say anythi—“

“What is enigma?” He asks, an apologetic look on his face. 

I try to find the words. “Uhhmm… Someone or something that is mysterious or hard to understand.”

He nods slowly. “I like challenges.” He breaks out into a smile and I am so surprised at the duality—I have goosebumps. I was distracted by his entirety that I didn’t understand what he said. “What?” I ask but he just laughs aloud and shakes his head. “Nothing.” And he hands me back my battered notebook with that smirk and his dimple is in full view. 

“But I really want to know what you think!” I snap.

And he laughs again and him laughing makes me laugh too! It takes a while for us to simmer down and he takes a few calming breaths. He ignores my question and says something entirely in Japanese. He does not translate. The sky is dark outside and we’ve been here a couple of hours. And it reminds me of dinner and that I am hungry and on point—my tummy betrays me and I just want to shrink or maybe let the earth swallow me up. I wait for him to say something but he sighs aloud and leans back on his chair, his legs stretched out in front of him.

“I am hungry.” He looks at me with a scrunched nose. “You eat ramen?”

He doesn’t need to know that I just had ramen. That I can keep as a secret. Plus, I need to pick his mind about what he thinks of what I’ve written. “Yes, please.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **https://commaful.com/play/turtling/


	4. LoK - 4

Disclaimer: I don’t own Yuzuru Hanyu asldkalsdlkajsd

* * *

 

We didn’t get to have ramen. When we got to the restaurant, it was full and he suggested just going back to the hotel. I was kind of disappointed but he was grinning at me when he led the way back almost in a rush.

Apparently, the hotel has these lounge rooms that are usually empty and William said we could use. So dinner was McDonalds that we had delivered and I am happily gorging on slightly wilted fries with my feet tucked under me in my armchair as we sit side by side. 

“You know, for an athlete, you eat a lot of junk.” I roll my eyes as he takes a monstrous bite of his burger. If that was me, I’d have ketchup all over my face but he does it perfectly it’s fucking beautiful. He chews and nods at the same time. “I don’t get fat if I eat lots and lots. Also, I train today. I’m hungry.”

I eat my fries like a woman on a mission as I look at him. I only met him yesterday but I can already feel how at ease I am when I’m with him. There are people who always have ulterior motives when they… spend time with me. I cringe at the thought. But hanging out with Yuzu doesn’t give me that kind of vibe. Granted, we are practically strangers and I shouldn’t be doing this—but come on! He seems very nice.

“When is your next competition?” I ask. I have no idea about the intricacies and scheduling of figure skating trainings and its lifestyle. I am just generally curious.

“Is okay. I burn calories. All of this.” He says with another bite. I don’t doubt that he will. I kind of notice that he doesn’t eat much actually—I mean, I would expect someone who is an athlete to eat like a monster. When I did some football back, I ate such huge helpings for every meal. But he eats just enough. I’m pretty sure that’s the reason why he’s so lean and muscular.

Voices disrupt us as a group of teenagers settle on the far side of the room. They laugh out loud, their voices reverberating around the room and drowning the soft background noise. I look over at Yuzu who is still eating, quite unbothered.

“You have things to do tomorrow?” He asks me suddenly.

I shrug. There is nothing to think about. “Well, none really.”

“You go back to café looking at people walk pass and eat your pen? Is really bad habit.” He says almost sternly but I see a teasing glint in his eyes.

“In my defence!—“ I start. He raises his eyebrows at me, “I don’t even realise that I’m doing it. Feel free to call me out when I do.” I say.

He grins cheekily at me and nods. “I have to always watch you.” He stares at me intently and I can feel my cheeks get hot. He giggles amusedly and continues to eat. I look back at my fries—slightly thrown off. Most of the time, he’s this cute and cuddly person like a five-year old who likes to tease. But that persona can be gone in an instant and be replaced by this gorgeous man who stares at me like I’m some sort of experiment. The duality is surprising but evident in our mere 24 hours of acquaintance.

“You like movies?” He asks after a while.

I nod. “Depends. What kind?”

He scratches the back of his head with a silly grin on his face, “Uhhmm… Many kinds?” ]

My Netflix list is a backlog of series and movies I haven’t started yet or need catching up on. From vampires to zombies to crime then cheesy themes, I don’t really have that much of a preference. “As long as it’s interesting, I’ll watch it.”

“Drama?” He says his R’s almost like W’s and all I can think of is he’s adorable.

“I don’t mind it. As long as it’s not about the drama of my life, I’m fine with it.” I joke half-heartedly.

“There is… one Japanese movie I want to see. I want to… listen to… music? Sound—“

“Soundtrack?” 

He nods. “Yes. If you like, we watch together?”

My heart seems to want to escape from the confines of my ribcage. Is he… Is he asking me out? Like to the cinema or something? I gulp and manage to keep my voice steady as I ask him as casually as I can. But he shakes his head. “No. I have on my iPad. I only have one… earphones. Is okay?”

I shake my head. Fuck. My heart almost leaped out of my chest when I thought he was asking me out. So much for overthinking, I nod. “I don’t… mind. Will it make me cry?”

He taps his chin with his finger. “You cry… easy?”

“You say it like it’s a bad thing!” I point a finger accusingly at him. But he laughs and holds up his hands to placate me. “Gomen nasai”, he says with a grin. “Hmmm… I am not sure. Maybe?” He warns.

I raise an eyebrow and purse my lips. “I’ll be the judge of that.” I say, biting into a nugget.

* * *

 

I am vaguely aware that I am leaning on his shoulder as he sniggered and shielded me from the other people in the lounge. As the night wore on, a few more hotel residents have filtered from the restaurant to the lounge and joined us. We were pretty much in a corner but there is only so much he can so as I am having a hard time keeping my voice down as I cried. Okay, to be honest, I was already tearing up about twenty minutes ago.

Yuzu is patting my head, trying not to laugh but I am too caught up in the sadness and the emotions of them being separated and forgetting each other then at the end, meeting again—it’s all just so beautiful. He was patting me on the shoulder earlier when I was sniffing and somehow ended up with me just bawling.

“People will think I hurt you.” He says,handing me a napkin and I clumsily wipe my face.

“The soundtrack, Yuzu! The music! I didn’t even understand a word of it but I have so much feels!” I argued as I blew my nose.”I told you! I told you that I’m emotional!” I hiss.

He’s laughing again, his head thrown back exposing his throat. “Okaaaay.”

I sniff again while dabbing at my eyes. “That was a good movie.” He nods as I take deep breaths to calm down. “Hai. My friends say I should watch.”

“So… Did the soundtrack help?” I ask.

“Uhhmm… I’m not sure what music for next season. I still look for new… songs. But this is okay. Not great. But not bad.”

I look at him in disbelief, “Whyyy??”

He shrugs. “Most times, Japanese music is not… good for skating. Because judges don’t know Japanese music. They…” His voice trails off as he looks for the words.

“They don’t understand?”

He nods. “Yes. They don’t understand. So is hard for connection and feeling to… mix.”

I bite my lower lip and nod slowly. “That… makes a lot of sense.”

“Also, yes. Next season is not sure now. But is always good for preparing.” He grins. “Thank you for watching with me. Maybe if you don’t, I cry too. But only maybe.”

I know he’s teasing me. I just know it. “And why didn’t you cry now?”

He laughs and shakes his head, “You are busy crying! You cry for both of us! And maybe people think we have serious… talk and we both cry.”

“Ahhh then maybe I will say something along those lines when somebody asks.” I tease. It takes him almost a minute to realise that I am kidding. “You do not dare.” He says with a smirk.

“Don’t test me.” I say.

“Excuse me…” A voice interrupts us and I look up to see two girls with big nervous smiles looking at Yuzu beside me. “Hanyu-san, may we… have your autograph, please?” Her voice is small and she’s obviously trembling either with excitement or nervousness.

“Oh. Okay!” Yuzu answers almost immediately with a smile. He gets up from his seat as they thrust cards with his face on it and a marker. He signs them both in a gorgeous script as the two girls gush, “We loved you in 2012 when you did R&J at Worlds—it was divine.”

R&J? Is that… Romeo and Juliet? Hmmm… Interesting.

“Oh, arigatou. That is one of my favourites.” He answers cheerfully.

One of the girls raise her smartphone for a picture, “Can we also?” He nods and poses with the other as she squeals and moves closer. “And H&L!!! It was so beautiful, we all cried! Those are our favourite programmes!”

He laughs appreciatively as he poses for one more picture. I look around to see William from reception at the entrance of the lounge catching my eye apologetically. I shrug—unsure of what I should do.

“We were there—we bought tickets. Do you uhmm… read your fan mail?” Picture-taking is over and I’m just here blending in with my chair pretending that I don’t exist as I watch the scene unfold in front of me. He shakes his head while scratching the back of his head, “I’m sorry. I try but I not much time—“

“Oh! It’s alright!” The other girl interrupts. “We know how important practicing is for you.”

“Thank you for you support.” He says with a polite smile. He glances over at me and I get the feeling that he’s already dismissing them but his fans are not taking the hint. His eyes flash again in my direction briefly. I see William who is approaching too.

“I’ve been there since your novice days in Japan!”

“Me too! I still have the souvenirs from the ice show in Kobe after the…”

His eyes light up. “Ah! That’s—“

“Your first ice show!” She says excitedly.

I get the feeling that they know him better than he knows himself.

“Uhhm… Hanyu-san, can we post the pictures online?” They look up at him hopefully. Hmmm… He must not… show himself online that much if that is the case.

He nods. “Okay. Sure.”

“You should create an account on social media. All of us are waiting! You should have a blog and then—“

“Ahhh… Not my thing really…” He says sheepishly as he shifts almost uncomfortably on his feet and I sigh as I make up my mind to save him.

“Mr. Hanyu?” I clear my throat and interrupt. They look at me like I just appeared out of thin air. “The schedule, please?” I point to his iPad. I have no fucking clue what I’m saying but I am using my professional voice—the one I use when I am talking to a misbehaving client or colleague and I’m running out of people’s skills. They scoot back a bit as Yuzu turns to me. “Ms. Gallego, sumimasen.” He turns to the girls. “I have to—“

The girls seem to have gotten the idea and they giggle nervously, bowing repeatedly as they hold out their hands to shake his. “We won’t keep you, Hanyu-san! Please take care of yourself. We will be watching you in Saitama!”

“Arigatou. Thank you. I will work harder.” He says waving them off just in time for William to usher them back out of the lounge. He says a hurried apology as he follows the girls back out the door who are looking over their shoulders.

“Uhhh…. What just happened?” I ask curiously as he sits back down on his chair.

He shakes his head, “Sorry. They uhhh… Sometimes they find me. I don’t go here most times.” He grins. “I’m sorry.”

I wave him off. “Don’t apologise.” I point towards the door, “Is William supposed to keep them out?”

“No. But he helps sometimes.”

The scene is still vivid in my mind. I look at him. His head is bowed as he pored over something on his tablet. I wonder, as I stare at his shiny hair and straight nose and that sharp jaw… Just… Fuck. He just got hounded by fans. “Yuzu?”

“Hmm?” He hums.

“Should I ask for an autograph?”

He looks at me with wide eyes and a silly grin before he laughs aloud. He stomps one foot as he clutches his stomach, looking at me incredulously—like he can’t believe what I’m saying. “Yuki. I don’t want to say I… bragging? But… In internet…” He takes deep breaths, “you Googled me?”

My eyes are wide in shock. “Wait—hold the fuck up, Yuzu. You’re that kind??? The kind that is Google-able?”

He shrugs. His dimple is back in full view as he chews on his lower lip. “So no?”

“Shit. Should I?” I am reaching for my phone on the table but his hands stop me.

“Not now!” He’s torn between laughing and surprise.

“Are you fucking kidding me? Are you some kind of celebrity?!” I almost shriek as he claps a hand over my mouth and we struggle against each other. “Calm down!” He hisses as I ‘relax’ in my chair. He takes my phone and puts it back on the table.

“So, are you?” I demand in a softer voice. The other people from the lounge are looking at us now at the commotion we are causing. He sighs and taps his forehead with a finger. “This makes me… shy.” The tips of his ears are slightly red but I only feel like teasing him some more. “Why?”

“Because is bragging.” He says after a while.

“I won’t… judge you. Just… okay, we don’t need to talk about it!” I say waving my hands about but he shakes his head and looks at me with a smile. I can see him relenting. “Ask me question.”

“Hmmm…. Okay…. Then… Are you a well-known skater?” I ask. One by one sounds good. Baby steps are definitely the way to go.

He nods slowly, still smiling at me. “… Hai.”

“Enough to have… fans?” I ask. If fans know how to get into a hotel where he lives and William knows not to let them in, then this must not be the first this has happened. I can only imagine what it must feel like to be hounded and to be caught off guard like that. If it was me, I’ll never leave my room.

He sighs, scratching his head. “Hai.”

“Sorry.” I say. I’m not sure if I’m apologising for asking or for him having stalkers and the lack of privacy. But he shakes his head. “Is okay. You still want autograph?” He asks with a cheeky smile.

“Tell me, how much will I get for it if I sell it online?” I tease.

He laughs aloud, slapping his knee with his hand. “Are you serious?”

I manage to keep my face straight for a few more seconds before I erupt into giggles too. “Yes! I am!”

He licks his lips as he shrugs. “Uhhh… I’m not sure. A lot, maybe?”

“We could get rich.” I tell him with wide eyes as he laughs again.

“Are you searching me on internet?” He asks after a while. I just checked the time and it’s getting kinda late but he has not shown any indication of leaving yet. I do not mind though. With his question, I cannot deny that I am curious. I haven’t met anyone yet who avoids getting noticed in public or gets requests for autographs. But he looked a little bit uncomfortable before and I don’t want to pressure him. “Do you want me to?” I ask genuinely.

He looks at me with a smile. “I can’t stop you.”

I think about it. “I won’t.” I say, more to convince myself than him. I really won’t. “But I do have a question.”

“Hai. What is it?”

“R&J? H&L?” I remember the girls’s favourite ‘programs’.

His eyes light up and they twinkle and he explodes into a huge smile, showing his perfect teeth. “Ahhh… Programs. My old programs.” He looks eager to discuss them and I am all the more glad to let him lash it out.

“Show me.” I say. “Pretty please with sprinkles on top?”

He grins and nods. “No need for beg. Chotto…” He takes his iPad again and hands me one end of the earphones we were using earlier. They’re gold and black with a Y on the cap. They’re absolutely gorgeous and I can tell they are custom-made. Earlier, he had to help me put them on because they were slightly too big for my ears.

He angles the tablet towards me and lean over the arm rests just as we once had earlier at the movie. On the screen is him in a beige costume with crisscrossing lines of sparkles. “Damn, those pants are tight.” I let out a low whistle as he chuckles. “Shut up and watch. This is Romeo and Juliet.”

“When was this?” I ask. He looks slightly younger in the video. I steal a glance at him right now and remember that I don’t even know how old he is really. He could be between sixteen and eighteen if not for the very faint shadow on his lip which gives me ideas that he must be in his twenties—very early twenties.

“2012. I am… seventeen, maybe sixteen.”

His hair in the video is styled and it… looks good. Very good. Almost too good. Half his forehead is showing and I don’t hate it. If he was seventeen—damn. Damn. Damn. But wait—he strikes a pose. The music starts with a climax and my eyes are glued to the screen.

As the first time I saw him skate yesterday, he has my full and undivided attention. But this time, it’s different. It’s powerful and yet ethereal just as he is, gliding across the ice. I can feel my heartbeat matching the music’s tempo. I hear the blood rushing through my ears. When he falls for what seems to be over nothing—so random—it looked in tune with the music like he meant it! Like it was part of the choreography! And for the next minutes, I am speechless.

Romeo and Juliet was an apt piece and okay—Leonardo Di Caprio is a total babe but Yuzuru Hanyu is an entirely different animal.

It was over too soon. I want to… watch it again as he gasps for breath on screen. Before he could take the tablet away from me, I start the video from the beginning. And then again. And then just one more. At the fifth try, his hand catches my wrist and I look up to see him grinning. “One more?”

I shake my head, coming back to my senses. “You’re so… graceful.” I say softly as I take the iPad entirely out of his hands and scroll back to a certain move that has caught my attention. “What’s this?”

“That’s a…” I stop at one point where gets ready for a jump—“a quadtoe.” I scroll slowly to the right and the video moves in slow-motion. I count the turns: one, two, three, four. “It’s very… hard.” He says. 

“Tell me.”

He smiles before he leans back on his chair. “There are… many jumps. That I use… toe pick? Toe pick to…” He mimes the stabbing of the ice with the toe pick, “… jump high and I turn four times. All in one second. Is very… hard on knee and ankle.” He grins sheepishly.

I appreciate his effort of explaining it to me. “You make it look so easy.” I lookout his face and eyes glinting. I seem to have tapped his interests, obviously. “Thank you. But I have ugly face when jumping. Don’t look.” He chuckles almost nervously.

“You are so beautiful.” The words are out before I could stop them but I mean every word. Not just about his Romeo and Juliet but also him—as a skater and as a person, he is beautiful. I feel embarrassed by what I just said but he smiles and the dimple is out again. “People say I am very… woman? Feminine.”

“Bullshit.” I say almost angrily. He is beautiful and he must be protected. “It’s art. You are a piece of art on ice. It’s all just stereotypes! What? Men can’t be graceful and still be men?” I demand.

“My one idol is Johnny Weir. I don’t know if you know but he skate very good. And I learn men can be… graceful and good moves and posing all while skating.” He explains. I do not know who this Johnny is. But he was a good influence. Now I have a nagging question and I can’t shake it off.

It must have shown on my face because he’s frowning at me. “What?”

I shake my head. It really is nothing. But it will certainly… explain his… ease around me. For someone he met yesterday, we already spent a lot of time together. We’ve watched a movie, hung out, had lunch and dinner—the works. It’s a nagging thought that I refuse to entertain—that maybe he’s interested—but this is more of a plausible explanation. That maybe he is…

“Yuki? Nani?”

I gulp. Well, honesty is the best policy. “Are you gay?” I ask.

“Nani???” He looks alarmed at my question but he recovers quickly and giggles which in turn makes me laugh. “I have to make sure! I just—I’m sorry!” I say hurriedly. But he shakes his head, smiling at me mischievously. “Is important?” He asks.

Oh fuck. He is. He probably is. It would explain his hair and his attention to detail and his good looks and why he looks so polished all the time and why he is just drop-dead gorgeous and—“No… I don’t mind.” I manage to say. “If you are.” I add.

He sighs heavily and for a moment I am afraid that I offended him. But he kind of winks at me—was it a wink—and he’s smiling again. “No, I am not gay. I am different. I also say nothing to media and reporters. Is not on internet.”

I feel immensely relieved. Not that it would be a bad thing for him to gay—but it would be better if he wasn’t because then… Never mind. I shake the thought away and squint at him suspiciously. “So… this is a hot topic.” It is not a question.

“Hai.”

“Why?”

“Because I am… not seen with date before.” He says almost shyly, looking downwards and tucking his hair behind his ear—something I did not expect him to do. It is completely feminine and he did say he’s not gay, right? Yes. Yes, he did.

“So… you’ve never… dated or… you’ve never been caught?” I clarify.

He purses his lips and the dimple is back as he contemplates on how he answers my question. “I am… very busy.” He says. “Skating is life.”

I notice that he did not answer my question. “Very dedicated.” I say. “And yet here you are in the lounge and we just watched a movie and ate dinner and you’re not skating.”

“You say time-out is good idea.” He winks. Yes. That one is definitely a wink. I’m sure of it. I manage to keep my hands steady.

He is not gay. But he doesn’t date. And yet—calm down, okay. I realise that I am treading dangerous waters. I need to change the topic and fast. I blurt out the first thing that comes into mind. “Show me H&L.” I say, handing him the iPad.

He doesn’t seem to mind the shift in the conversation. He takes it from me and scrolls through his gallery. “I don’t have original video. But I search Youtube.” He pulls up the app and types something on the screen. Soon enough, he’s found it and we huddle over it again as I put the earphone back in my ear. “H&L is Hope and Legacy. This is 2017.”

I have seen his Romeo and Juliet and that was… entirely different from this one. I’ve listened to a fair number of classical music but this one, I haven’t heard before. R&J made me feel passionate and like I’m on fire. R&J set me ablaze with longing and love and unrequited feelings and loss. But this one—this one has me on a different plane. It definitely is hope and legacy. It’s a fitting name. I cannot quite describe what I’m feeling but there is this yearning in my heart for… anything… something… everything.

Hope is abstract, something that cannot be touched or held or tasted. And yet, here I am, seeing it in front of me with my very own eyes. A few minutes later, I am stunned—in shock at what I just saw but in a good way, in a beautiful way, in a way that I’ve never… known before.

I watch him with a determined look on his face as he bows in all directions. There’s a lump in my throat and I cannot breathe. He tugs at the iPad but I don’t let go. “Again.” I manage to whisper as I replay the whole video. He doesn’t stop me.

The second time is even more profound. I thought watching it again will make me understand just a little bit of what I saw. But it just left me more confused and unconfused. It just heightened every emotion in me. If only… If only I’ve seen this before everything went to shit… I might have made it. If only…

It takes immense effort not to let the tears fall. I fix a smile on my face and look at him. “This is much more beautiful than the first one.” I say in a cheerful voice. He’s looking at me with a small crease between his eyebrows but he smiles. “Thank you. That one… is one of my… Hmmm… How call it—“

“Perfect?” I offer.

He laughs softly, almost under his breath. “Okay, yes. Perfect skate.”

I turn my attention back on the screen and go back. “What’s this one?” I shake away the pounding in my chest and will myself to return to reality when in truth, it’s up there in the clouds worshipping the most divine representation of hope and legacy there is in the world.

“Ina Bauer.” He smiles.

I move back to one part where he spins and lifts his foot up over his head. I don’t think I can even do that on land, much less spinning on ice. I turn the tablet sideways, “Don’t you get dizzy spinning so fast like that?” I ask, genuinely curious. I turn a few times and someone would have to pick me up off of the floor.

“At first. But now is normal.” He watches me as I move through the video slowly and he moves across the screen. “I like your costume here too. Blue and green. Vast, like the ocean…” I say. “If hope and legacy are colours, blue and green would be it.” I add.

“Ari—thank you.” He catches himself just in time.

“It’s okay. I think I know what arigatou means. You’re welcome.”

He grins. “Arigatou.”

I reach the end of the video again where he bows down and smiles at the audience. I stop and hand it to him. “Does it… offend you that I don’t know who you are?” I ask.

He scrunches up his nose. “Hmmm… No. Is okay.” He’s actually bewildered. “Figure skating is not famous. Not like… baseball or soccer. But is famous maybe in Japan.”

“Makes sense. So… You’re okay?”

He laughs. “Is okay. It feels… good? Fresh?”

“Refreshing?” I offer.

He nods. “Yes. Refreshing. Like, free.”

I feel a flutter in my chest. So… Refreshing, huh. “So what’s the deal with the Winnie the Poohs?” Earlier on, at the end of his skate, there must have been at least a hundred toys thrown on the ice. The telltale yellow and red does not deceive me since I can spot the character from afar.

“I like Winnie the Pooh. He is tissue cover and I have him already for long long time.” He smiles fondly and grins at me. “Maybe next time you two meet.”

“I would love to.” It seemed like the appropriate response. Also, I like that he refers to Winnie the Pooh as a ‘he’ and not an ‘it’.

“Excuse me, Mr. Hanyu and Ms. Gallego?” We both turn around to see William behind us. I cringe at being called a miss.

“Will?” Yuzu asks.

“No problem, really. But I feel I must inform you that the girls from earlier are kind of waiting outside and the hotel can’t really kick them out. I’ve asked them not to take pictures but it would be—“

Yuzu nods hurriedly. “Ah yes.Is okay. Thank you.” I take that as our cue to leave. William bows and greets us a good night. In the midst of our conversation, I didn’t notice that the lounge is almost empty except for the teenagers at the far end flirting with each other.

I help Yuzu gather the empty cartons and cups to the trash can. When our spot was clean, I turn towards the door but there’s a warm hand on my wrist that stops me. I am surprised. His long fingers looked cold—I expected them to be. I don’t know if it’s my skin or his that’s blazing but I gasp when he touches me. “Let’s go there?” He points to another door. “The stairs?”

I shrug. “Okay.” I say.

He leads the way and I follow him. Walking side by side, I would think that his height is somewhere in the 170’s. I come up to about his chest. He can probably rest his chin on the top of my head. His legs are long and he matches his pace with mine patiently. We push the door open and go up the stairs slowly.

“I promise not to Google you.” I say, remembering our previous conversation. Our footsteps echo against the walls, slightly muffled by the rubber soles of our shoes.

“You can if you want.” He says with a grin. He’s walking with an extra bounce in his step and it makes his hair fluff up. I want to touch it but I keep my hands in my pockets. “I’d rather know you than read about you.” I say. It’s true. Reading about him seems like it would be cheating.

He smiles at me so warmly—winter might just have ended right then and there. When he smiles, his eyes almost disappear into slits and I find it so fucking adorable I just… I want to squish his cheeks. “That is… means a lot. Arigatou.”

“Don’t mention it.” I tap him on the arm as he looks at me with raised eyebrows. “But feel free to throw a couple of autographs my way.”

He stops on a step and bows at me much like how he bows at the end of his performances. I cannot help but laugh at his extra efforts. “I be glad. Maybe ten is enough?” He laughs along with me, starting again to move up the stairs. Soon enough, we reach our floor and we get out of the stairwell. I expect him to stop at his door but he walks me over to mine.

“A gentleman.” I say with a raised eyebrow. 

“Oka-san teach me good manners.” He says. 

“That is… mother?” I ask.

He nods. “Hai.” He stuffs his hands in his pockets, “You let me…hung? Hang-out. All day. That is thank you. I appreciate it.” He says.

“You didn’t really leave me much choice.” I say, half-laughing. Yeah, he did just show up out of nowhere and never left. He looks apologetic but grins, “Then thank you for looking after poor boy.” With a small bow, he leaves for his own door. “Good night, Yuki.”

I fish out my key card as he does the same. “Good night, Romeo.” I meant to tease him but he beams at me and his teeth flash and his eyes twinkle. “That you can call me.” He winks before he goes inside his room and I do the same.

I lean against the closed door in the dark, clutching my chest as my heart pounded against my ribs. All I can hear is he’s not gay. He’s not gay. He’s not gay.

Also, he winked.

Ugh. That fucker.


	5. LoK - 5

Disclaimer: Yuzuru Hanyu definitely belongs to me lol. Hahahhaaakhshdkjahskjdhakjsdh

* * *

The next day, I manage to wake up early enough for the breakfast buffet downstairs where I stuff myself with waffles and whipped cream with sliced strawberries. The dining area is empty except for me and an elderly couple. I sit in a spot by the window with my trusty notebook and just when I’m about to nibble on the end of my pen, I remember Yuzu’s warning. I smile to myself and instead begin to write instead. 

After breakfast I go back to room and turn on the television for the first time since I arrived. I have no desire to go out today and am already thinking of what to get for lunch when a familiar voice caught my ear.

“I am getting ready for Worlds.”

I sit down on the edge of my just-made bed and watch Yuzu onscreen. I recognise the background as the place he brought me when I sprained my ankle.

“Is there any special training you do that is different from your usual training?” A voice off-camera asks.

He shakes his head slightly with a smile I’ve come to know so well since he’s been throwing me the same adorableness for the past two days. “Nothing special. Nothing different. But Brian always say is important to relax. To take steps back and relax.” He answers.

“What is the most recent thing you did to relax?”

He looks… really good. Too good. He was born for the camera and it loves him. I have always had problems when taking pictures, making sure that they always get my good side—the left. But with him, you can shoot him up through his nostrils and he’d still rock it. I watch him slightly fidget with his fingers and the cuff of his plain white jacket. “Hmmm….” He looks up at the ceiling as he chuckles. “Yesterday, I watch movie.”

“Oh! You went to the movies?”

But he shakes his head with a smile. "Oh no. I just watched on iPad.” He grins and my heart flutters. So… I helped him ‘relax’ huh?

“Then… we won’t take too much of your time. Thank you for talking to us.”

He bows his head. “Arigatou. Thank you.” He waves at the camera. The next they show is a shot of him putting on his boots. I remember the first time I saw this from afar. It’s mesmerising to watch him be surrounded by several cameras frequently punctuated by flashes as others took photos of him.

I tap my chin with my finger as I play with the remote. He looks focused as he moves through the motions. “And that is the latest on our legendary figure skater! Back to you, in the studio!” The scene ends and I tear my eyes away from the screen.

Legendary. Hmmm… The urge to Google him comes up again but I manage to resist and switch to Netflix instead. My watchlist is looming over me like a death sentence and I flop into bed while I scroll down and choose where to start.

* * *

The week passes by without anything out of the ordinary happening. I haven’t seen Yuzu ever since that night we spent in the lounge. I spent afternoons at the cafe in silence that Ted, the barista, has become one of my new friends. He gives me free cookies when his manager is not looking. 

He also asked if I was Yuzu’s girlfriend which I denied vehemently. I mean—we’ve known each other for what, two days? Yeah. He’s handsome and adorable and I might have a wee bit of crush on him but I am not really looking for a relationship right now. And from the looks of it, neither is he.

Yuzu has not dropped by the cafe nor at the Japanese restaurant where I eat my lunch. Ted says this is normal when he found me again one afternoon alone. At the interview I caught on TV, he mentioned Worlds, whatever that is. It probably stands for Worlds Figure Skating something. So yes, he’s pretty much busy for sure, I guess.

Also, I recently joined this site where people share their stories and other written works. I’ve posted one under an anonymous name that has no connection to me whatsoever. I’m still debating if I should put more… So far, all responses are encouraging. But I am not that confident yet.

And now, it’s Saturday just after lunch. I walk into the cafe catching Ted’s eye who starts preparing my usual order. I go to my usual spot. I bring out my stuff and start thinking up some new ideas for the site when Ted comes over with a tray. I take a grateful sip of my coffee and smile at him. “Thank you.”

“Alone again?” He asks.

“Naturally,” I answer.

“Gilbert O’ Sullivan, nice.” Ted comments. He leaves to attend to the other customers. On a weekend, it’s slightly more packed than usual reminding me of the cafe I used to frequent back home.

Home. I’ve been here a week and this is the first time I’ve thought about it ever since I’ve arrived. I’m booked at the hotel initially for two weeks and I should think about my next steps. I know I should but my mind wanders… I know a week can pass by quickly but I want to think that I have enough time. Still, I’m burning through my savings and if I want to stay longer, I have to find something that pays.

The previous conversations about me selling Yuzu’s autographs comes into mind and I laugh by myself at the absurdity of it.

“First sign of crazy: talking on your own.” A very familiar voice interrupts me. I am startled but elated to see said owner of voice sit down heavily beside me. He’s wearing a cap right now, pulled low over his forehead.

“Yuzu!” I exclaim.

“Konnichiwa.” He grins at me as he leans back on his chair. He removes his jacket and bundles it up on his lap. “Genk—How are you?” He asks.

I put my notebook down and I think I have a silly freaky grin on my face but I don’t care. “I’m… okay. Getting some stuff done. How about you?” I swivel on my seat to face him and look at him properly. His eyes look tired like he hasn’t been sleeping well. But he has his adorable smile and he’s flashing his perfect teeth at me.

Ted appears and puts down a mug of hot chocolate in front of Yuzu who thanks him and takes a sip. “Hmmm. Oishii.” He closes his eyes and licks his lips and I look away at the back of my hand instead.

“Miss Yuki here has been reserving your seat the whole week.” Ted wiggles his eyebrows and I am tempted to throw a ball of napkin at his face as he ignores my yelp of protest. “Hey!” But he leaves with a wink and a smile.

And I look at Yuzu who is peering at me over the rim of his mug with his cursed dimple and twinkling eyes. “So… is true?” He asks.

I shake my head hurriedly. “Not like that! I just—I’ve been hanging out here all week and this is my spot.” I defend myself. 

He giggles. “O…kay…”

“So… where were you?” I ask.

“You really didn’t check internet, neh?” He raises an eyebrow that disappears into his fringe.

“I told you I won’t.” I scoff. “If you had Instagram or Facebook, I could have added you there then I’d know.” I say.

But he shakes his head and grins. “No. I don’t have Instagram or Facebook.”

“I remembered.” His fan girls did mention it before. “Why though?”

He shrugs. “Hmmm… To be private. Quiet is always okay. I don’t like many comments about me.” He scrunches up his nose and his eyes disappear into slits.

“But do you… check yourself out online?” I ask.

He laughs aloud and nods. “Sometimes. Sometimes I read what they say on… Twitter? And sometimes Instagram too. Also the forums and the blogs.”

“You’re a lurker!” I tell him.

“Is that what is call? Lurker?” He asks with wide eyes.

“Yes! You lurk around, reading what they write about you.” I point a finger at him. “What’s the weirdest post you’ve ever seen?”

It takes him a minute as he bites his lower lip absent-mindedly, thinking hard. Then he suddenly bursts out laughing, throwing his head back as he giggles and gestures at me animatedly. “Wedding. Many people ask me for marrying. Proposal?”

My eyes are wide but I’m not surprised. I mean… he’s gorgeous and cute and adorable and manly and graceful—okay, I better stop here. “Do you see any tempting ones?”

I feel a little relief as he shakes his head almost too harshly. “I just find funny but no. No, thank you.”

“You… don’t want to get married?” I ask, a little bit surprised.

“Hmm… Maybe not now. Someday, yes. But now, I’m very busy. If I had girlfriend, we always fight because no time for dates, no time for anything only skating. But I want to, someday. Get married, some kids.”

“Doesn’t it get… lonely?” I ask, curious.

“Lonely?” He gives me a small smile as I elaborate. “Yeah! Like… not having anyone to talk to. I don’t know? Someone to hold you or hug you or just simply flirt with?” I say, throwing my hands in the air.

“I think I don’t miss something I never try having.” He says in a low voice as he busies himself with his hot chocolate.

“Wait—wait. Hold up! So you’ve never kissed or… slept with someone before?” I hiss in shock.

But he shakes his head and laughs. “No comment!” He says hurriedly and avoids my eyes. But I feel like I’ve stumbled on a gold mine and I don’t feel like giving it up. So I lean forward and whisper, “Yuzu… how old are you?”

He could say sixteen and I’ll believe him.

But he moves close to me—a few inches and I smell chocolatey goodness as he grins at me and I’m too stunned to move away. “Twenty-four.” He answers in a low voice.

“No way.” I whisper back. I am captivated by the flawlessness of his skin and the shape of his eyes. There is the faint shadow on his upper lip. It is very faint though—as if he shaves every morning, which he probably does.

“My birthday is December 1994.” He nods once with a smile as he moves away. I snap back to my senses as I clear my throat. “No shit, Sherlock. Really? Twenty-four?”

He grins. “Why? What I look like?”

I purse my lips as I look at him from head to toe. He’s wearing his plain white jacket, similar to the one from the interview. Under it, the collar of his Under Armour shirt is peeking out with ‘Yuzuru H.’ embroidered in gold letters. He’s impossibly thin-looking if you have not seen the ripples and curves of his muscles before. But I do.

“Sixteen. Maybe seventeen. Pushing eighteen.” I count off with my fingers.

But he laughs lowly under his breath. “You also look young. Maybe eighteen too. But I think only my age?”

I raise an eyebrow. “I am three years older than you. I’m twenty-seven.” He looks at me in disbelief but does not question it.

“So… Tell me… I’ll keep it a secret, I promise.” I tease. But he just shakes his head again. I pull back and squint at him. “I think I already know the answer. You don’t have to confirm anything.”

“No mind-games!”

“I won’t take it against you if you’re inexperienced.” I say with an air of superiority. I see him blushing as he licks his lips and gestures with his hands, “Still no comment.” And then I back off, “okaaaay. Suuuuuure. Fiiiiiine.”

A few minutes past and I think he’s finally let go of the topic but then he says, “But you’re right. Sometimes, is lonely. Very lonely.” He sighs. “I just don’t have time for lonely. And you?”

Oh. That was… honest and totally understandable. I shrug. “I’ve been single for about two years now. I’ve had some pretty serious relationships. But none of them lasted long.” I say. I don’t really like talking about my past not because I have something to hide but because they don’t matter now. “So where have you been all week?” I ask.

He leans back on his chair and the bags under his eyes are more prominent now. He sighs heavily. “Practicing more and more.”

“And it’s not going well.” It is not a question. But he gives me a small smile. “How do you know?”

“You look like you haven’t slept for days.” I say. I don’t mention seeing him on TV. But he nods finally. “Yeah… Brian is not happy. I am not happy. He tell me to go and relax.”

“And you’ve come to seek me out.” I cannot help but giggle. “Welcome to my office.” I spread my arms in mock gesture and he laughs. “Hai. Thank you.”

“But I’m curious, Yuzu. Don’t you have friends there?”

“In TCC?”

I nod a little bit impatiently. “Yes. Any fellow skaters with you?”

He nods. “Of course, I do. But TCC is like… training place. And everybody is busy with the practice and the training. Not lots of time for chatting and hanging out. I have school too and that makes me extra busy.”

“And hanging out at cafés with me.” I offer.

He grins. “Hmmm. Maybe.” He shifts in his seat. “But in Japan, I am… different? Is different because lots of my friends are there.”

“Wait—so you skate for Japan?” I clarify.

He nods. “Hai. You think I skate for Canada?”

“Uhhh… You’re training here.”

“I’m here only because Brian is here too.” He drinks his hot chocolate and adds, “He was skaterwhen he is younger but not he is coach.”

“Oh. So… You live in Japan but you train here.” When he nods in assent, I ask again, “But when did you make the switch to Toronto?”

It takes him a few minutes to respond. “2012? After competition, I go to JSF —Japan Skating Federation—and tell them I want Brian as new coach.” He chuckles. “Is all in internet.”

“Sometimes, I think you’re really tempting me to do it.” I accuse him. “So why did you choose Brian?”

“Uhhmm… Before me, he has one skater, Habi from Spain. When he join TCC, he improve lots for the jumps and the performance. And I see the improving and I think I want that too. I think to improve, I need… surround? Uhmm…” He grasps at thin air for words. “Good skaters around me is important for the improving and the practice.” When he gets started on talking about skating, there’s no stopping him. “Brian is good coach for champions. He coach for Kim Yuna before and she is very good skater. Very… beautiful and graceful.” He’s definitely getting more animated now and I cannot help but be pulled in by his enthusiasm. “So when I get new coach, I fly to Japan and Canada all the time.”

“But what about your university?”

“I study in Waseda. Is in Tokyo. But only online.”

“And what do you study?”

“Human Sciences… For example, body can move faster and jump higher. How much the pressure for toe pick or the… force of… gravity? Everything can be put in numbers and make calculations.” He stops and waves over to Ted who catches his eye. “You too?” He asks. I nod for a refill.

He signals two with his fingers and Ted nods. He clears his throat and continues, “At first, I come here with Oka-san. I don’t know what Brian is telling all the time. I just nod and jump and skate every day. But he help get me tutor for the English. Is also good for the interviews.”

I sit there in awe. “So you were… sixteen when you moved to a different country where you don’t speak the language just so you can train?”

He nods almost seriously. Ted comes over with our refills and my complimentary cookie. We thank him and he nods before going back to the counter. “Skating is everything. Is most important.”

“It must be nice to… find something you love doing at such a young age.” I really am praising him and I don’t care that he kind of blushes but it could have been his hot chocolate. “Thank you. But I just start to follow my sister. Where she go, I go. When she skate, I skate.”

“But… aside from figure skating, what else do you want to do?”

“Hmmm. That is hard. Uhmm… Of course I want to do… lots for the sport. As much I can until I can’t anymore.” He smiles at me with a naughty glint in his eye. “This feels like interview. Are you reporter and writing down?”

I slap the armrest but hit him accidentally. He yelps at me mockingly, “Okay okay! Then… after that… I want stop the competitions and the training and do ice-shows. Maybe I coach like Brian.” He finishes.

“I imagine that retirement is a long-time away?” I ask. But to my surprise, he shakes his head. “I’m twenty-four now… Most skaters retire maybe 25. But some join until 30 maybe.”

“So early?!” I gasp.

He shrugs. “Lots of the injuries is not good. I don’t see jumping quads when I am old maybe.”

“But you seem really fit to me?” I say in a hopeful voice. There’s a sinking feeling at the pit of my stomach. I remember Hope and Legacy and the fear that he will not be doing anything like that in the next few years when he stops competing scares me. I don’t know why, but it does. I feel like the world will go just a little bit darker.

He chuckles. “I am very competitive.” I can tell. He has this glint in his eye. “I always think I have to win or else everything is waste. I have kuyashii at myself lots of the time if things go bad and not like the plan.”

“You’re very hard on yourself.” I say in a slightly disapproving way.

“I sacrifice… a lot of things… to get here now.” He said. There’s a hint of sadness in his voice but he masks it with soft laughter.

“Well, I admire your dedication.” I say. “But I don’t think I can do what you do.”

“I am very lucky. Like you say, I find skating early since young. But is too much already. How is your writing?” He asks with a smile.

I groan as he pokes my arm with a finger. I lean away but he just pokes me some more. “It’s okay, I guess. I made some new pieces.” When I answer, he grins foolishly at me and he has this puppy-dog eyes and I feel myself melt. “Not yet! They’re not ready.” I resist half-heartedly.

He frowns and there’s this cute crease between his eyebrows and his eyes crinkle at the corners. He looks at me hopefully. “But you show them to me, hai?”

I nod slowly. “Hai. Hai.”

“Yuzu!!!” A loud and cheerful voice interrupts us and I almost dump my coffee on myself. He swivels around and stands up just to get caught in a tight one-armed hug from someone with brown hair. He’s tall and he looks American with a big smile. He gives off warm vibes like sunshine. “Jason!” Yuzu says with a cheer.

“Brian said you might be here.” I can tell he’s one of the sociable types. “What he didn’t say is that you’ll be with a… friend.” He beams at me and holds out his hand. “Hi, I’m Jason Brown.”

I shake his large hand. He has laugh lines and I feel myself getting cheered up just by being in his presence. “Hi, I’m Yuki. Yuki Gallego.”

Jason takes a seat in front of us. He looks at me expectantly. “Soo… Is this the end of yuzuvier?”

Yuzu groans dramatically and cringes. “Ugggh noooo.”

“Yuzuvier?” I ask. But Jason gasps comically, “Youuu…” He points a finger at me. “You are a virgin!”

“Excuse me?” I retort. But Yuzu laughs. “He means figure skating virgin.”

I relax considerably as Ted comes to our table with Jason’s drink.

“So you don’t know, yuzuvier?”

“Jason, please.” Yuzu warns as he laughs almost half-heartedly. I can tell that Yuzu is not pleased with the way the conversation is turning out. I shake my head. “I’m afraid not. I don’t know. I’m sorry.”

Jason sips his coffee and laughs. “Don’t tell me you’re a social media hermit like this one.” Jason squints at Yuzu who swats him away like a fly. I can’t help but giggle as I raise my hands. “Oh no… I do have Instagram and all that…”

He grins at me. “Great. I’ll add you. What’s your username?” He takes out his phone and I lean over it as I dictate it. He types it in. “The one with the beanie?”

I nod. “Yepp.”

He squints at my profile picture and he squeals and gushes. “This is you?!”

I blush at his delighted face. “Uhhmmm… Yes.”

“Show me.” Yuzu demands. He puts out his hand for it but Jason shakes his head. “Oh no, you cryptid. Go get your own Instagram.” But he gets hit in the face with a balled up napkin and surrenders his phone.

He looks at it. “Cute beanie.” He says. "I like color” He smiles at me and gives the phone back to Jason.

“So what’s the deaaaal?” Jason’s eyes were wide and expectant. “Yuzu didn’t tell me that he has… a friend from home visiting! You two are so cute, spill it!” My mouth is wide open as I shake my head the same time Yuzu does. “We just met a few days ago. I’m here on vacation and I sprained my ankle the first day and Yuzu helped. I was just chilling when we met… here.” I explain.

Yuzu nods. “Jason trains in TCC too.” He explains.

“Team USA, baby.” Jason grins. “Of course, I am not as great as someone here. But—“

“Did Brian say anything?” Yuzu interrupts.

Jason nods. “Oh no! It’s just that you missed practice this morning and Zhenya and I wondered where you were. Also, he said that if ever I see you, can you confirm if you’ll be assisting with the training camp tomorrow and please send him a message about it.”

“Training camp?” I ask.

Yuzu nods. “For kids. Sometimes, I help.”

I clap my hands before I could stop myself. “Aww! That’ll be so cute!” Jason wiggles his eyebrows and it makes me burst into laughter. “You’re fun. I like you. You’re coming with us.”

My mouth drops open. “What? What do you mean?” Yuzu starts to say something but Jason stops him. “Yuki, do you have things to do tomorrow?” He asks me with his sunshine smile. I shake my head but I feel like I’m about to be roped into something. Soon enough, Jason claps his hands loudly and nods excitedly, “It’s a date then! Tomorrow at 10am.”

Yuzu leans over to me. “Forgive Jason. He is very hmmm… happy.” He looks at Jason who is practically bouncing in his chair. “And pushy.” Yuzu adds.

“Oh you know it, Yuzu. Come on! It’ll be fun! She’ll be able to meet the gang!” Jason says excitedly.

I look at Jason who is beaming at me. And then I look at Yuzu who is looking at me with his eyebrows raised. He looks amused, like he’s not expecting me to say yes—like he’s challenging me.

“But, Jason… I can’t skate.” I say but I don’t look away from Yuzu’s challenging stare.

“That’s what the training camp is for.” Jason squeals.

* * *

The next day, I spot Yuzu at the buffet dressed all in black. There is no denying the athletic aura he is giving off as he sits there with his Under Armour training shirt peeking out of his plain black jacket. He is looking at his phone while bobbing his head up and down with whatever music he is listening to. His trusty cabin luggage is beside him.

I pile my plate with pancakes and approach him. When he sees me, he takes out his earphones and smiles. He looks well-rested compared to yesterday. God… What a way to greet me in the morning. His smile hits me like sunlight as he grins almost as silly as what I’m about to do today. I take a seat in front of him and begin to attack my food.

“Ohayo.” He says with a grin. He surveys my ‘sports attire’ which is really just the stretchiest long-sleeved shirt I could find and a pair of leggings. “Hmmmmmorning.” I answer while chewing. Last night, I stayed up late watching Netflix, almost completely forgetting that I agreed to go to the training camp. I mean, there are some times that I am up for trying new things but it’s 9am. I can rise and shine just not at the same time.

Yuzu gets up and returns with a steaming mug of coffee. He puts it down in front of me with a wink. “You need this.”

“You’re an angel.” I gush as I take a grateful sip. I let out a sigh as it touches my soul. “That’s better.”

“You are not morning person.” He chuckles as he rolls up his earphones and puts them in the case. He pops a cherry tomato in his mouth.

“Is it that obvious? I was trying to hide it.” I say sarcastically. The coffee perks me up and I feel a little bit better.

He shrugs. “Ohhh nooo.” He says in a drawl. “Maybe just little bit.”

“This is the first time I’ve seen you here at breakfast.” I say.

He raises his eyebrows. “Hmmm… Most times I don’t go here. I eat in my room. Or maybe in TCC because I wake on sunrise.”

“Sunrise?!” I almost drop my knife and fork.

He chuckles. “Yes, I go for the practice early… sometimes.” He runs his hand through his hair and I find it mighty sexy as I hold my breath. “Is quiet and peaceful and I am alone.”

“So that’s aside from the usual two hours that you do like when we first met?” I ask. Yes. I fucking paid attention to it.

He nods. “Yes. Is not always jumping. I listen to music and improve more on the steps.”

“So you’ve been up since dawn this morning?”

He smiles sheepishly at me. “No, not today. I skip because of training camp.” I am reminded of this foolish thing I’m about to do. “Oh, okay.”

“Are you ready?” He has a mischievous glint in his eyes and he’s teasing me, I know it. “You say before you don’t like the sweating and the moving a lot.”

I groan. “I figured that it’d be cold so there’ll be no room for sweating.”

He laughs aloud, “You have point. But skating also make you sweat. But we go easy today. Only children maybe six or eight years old.” He grins so adorably at the mention of kids. “Only basic stuff.”

“Yeah. I think the few years of ballet and rollerblading I did when I was younger will finally be put to good use.” I say.

“You didn’t say you do ballet! You will be okay.”

“But as you’ve already witnessed, I’m a klutz even on land.” I mime the scenario of me falling out on the street, “so let’s see how bad I am on ice.”

We finish breakfast and head over to TCC. Yuzu introduces me to Eric, the security guard who beams at me. The club is pretty quiet for a Sunday as I expect there to be more people since it’s the weekend. I follow Yuzu into the locker room. He points to one I can use.

“Jason come here with Zhenya. I ask her to bringing the extra skates for you.” He says with a smile as he opens the locker beside mine. We take off our coats and hang them inside. I gather my hair into a loose bun on top of my head.

He whips around to look at me briefly and I notice that he has taken his track pants off. He’s wearing super tight training pants underneath them and I am breathless.

In front of me is the most beautiful and gorgeous ass I’ve ever seen in my entire life. His thighs, I can tell they’re powerful and strong. They can probably crush a fucking watermelon. The fabric clings to the lines of his legs and they seem to go on and on and on. He’s taken off his plain black jacket and underneath is a dry-fit shirt with the UA logo. It clings to him like second skin. The curves of lean muscle everywhere are straining against his clothing. At first look, someone would say he is skinny.

He is definitely NOT skinny.

Far from it.

His waist is impossibly narrow. As he tugs at the bottom of his shirt, a strip of skin flashes and I, for the life of me, cannot remember how to fucking breathe. Maybe I’m dreaming. Maybe I’m drooling. Probably both.

I’ve seen him before in practice… but not this close. He sighs as he raises his arms up above his head, stretching them. I feel like he’s putting on a show for me and I am not complaining.

Yes. It's definitely both.

He runs both his hands through his hair and I wonder how it would feel if I do that. He takes hisjacket and puts it back on after flapping it once in the air. I feel a whimper rise in my throat as he covers up his long torso and zips it up.

This wakes me up and remember that I am ogling. I tear my eyes away finally and take a lungful of air. And then I also remember that I am not cut out for this. I do not have the muscles, the stamina, the limbs, the body. I take a deep breath and sit on the bench, my feet tapping the floor repeatedly.Earlier on, I even felt a little bit of excitement. But that is quickly turning into anxiety. Okay. It’s getting real. What in the world have I gotten myself into? I sneak a glance at his long legs and I take another deep breath. The noise I am making seems to have caught Yuzu’s attention.

It takes him at least three times to call my name before I look up at him.

My cheeks are fucking blazing hot and my eyes are wide as I gasp aloud—“Yuzu!” I say. He is grinning at me almost foolishly as he giggles. “What is wrong? You are red?” He points to my face.

Fuck. Did he just—did he just catch me check him out?! I shake my head frantically—“No! Just a little bit nervous.”

He straddles the bench in front of me and gestures for me to do the same. He’s a few feet away and smiling. I push the thoughts of his ass at the back of my mind. He laughs lowly. “Okay. Look at me.”

Trust me, Yuzu. I _am_ looking.

Then he takes my hands in his. They’re warm and his thumbs stroke the back of mine in what I’m sure is a reassuring way. Instead, it sends tingles up my spine. He grins at me boyishly. “Breathe. Inhale. Exhale.” He goes through the motions with me. “You will be okay. I am there. Jason is there. Is just like having fun.”

“Until I fall on my ass.” I say ‘my ass’ but really I’m thinking about his. “I’m afraid I’ll break a bone or two—or three.”

His grip tightens for a second and I think that maybe I’m just trembling a little bit. “I get many major injuries before. I make sure you are okay. Is just like playing games with kids.”

“Except I’m the only adult in your class and these kids are young enough to be my children.” I retort. This makes him laugh aloud as he throws his head back. “Yes. But no overthinking. You will be okay.”

I gulp and nod. “Okay. Okay, sure.”

He tilts his head to one side and I swear he’s just being fucking adorable right now. “Trust me. You do, right?”

“Aside from the fact that we met about a week ago and I know absolutely nothing about you, that’s kinda hard to do. I’m about to yeet myself down an icy slippery slope straight to my death.” I half-joke.

He squeezes my hands and smirks. “Ahhh this is where internet is useful.”

“Give me about five minutes to catch up, then?” I suggest. But he laughs instead. He’s extremely bubbly today. “Five minutes not enough.” He jokes.

I can hear the faint high-pitched voices of children somewhere but they were instantly drowned out by two excited voices. Yuzu lets my hands go to look towards the door. Jason and a very pretty girl walks in. They’re already wearing their skates with colourful guards so they kind of tower over me.

She has dark hair and beautiful features, impossibly thin but second look gives me lean muscles. She’s beaming and laughing at something Jason said. Typical. When she spots us on the bench, she squeals as Yuzu rises half-way and gives her a polite one-armed hug. “Yuzu! Good morning! And youuuu—“ she turns to me and gives me a big hug.

She holds me at arm’s length as Jason introduces us. “This is Evgenia Medvedeva. Zhenya, meet Yuki. Yuki Gallego. Yuki, meet Zhenya.”

“Hi!” I say almost weakly. I get up from the bench and shake her hand which feels funny as she just hugged me before. “Nice to meet you. Sorry I’m crashing your training camp.”

“You’re so cute!” She giggles behind her hands. I could say the same about her. Her dark eyes are framed by long lashes and damn—her eyebrows are on fleek. She speaks with a Russian accent which sounds exotic and makes her look all the more beautiful. “Finaaaally, we have another girl on the team. Gabby will seriously freak out!”

“Oh! I’m not… a skater. I’m just—“ I start.

“—invited by Jason.” Yuzu interjects. He’s putting on his gloves. “Zhenya, you have skates?”

Zhenya nods. “Of course, what do you take me for?” She hands me a pair of white boots—which look to me almost perfect. “I broke these in already and I think…” She glances at my feet, “We’re about the same size.”

I take them and gosh they’re heavy. “Thank you!”

She beams and strokes my arm with her hand. “We’re going to be having so much fun! Let’s hang out later, right? I just need—“, she looks around for Jason. “Jason? Jason!”

But Yuzu is laughing. “He went outside. Kids are waiting and noisy.”

Zhenya sighs dramatically. She’s so pretty I can’t stop looking at her. “Ugh, that boy. Go put your skates on and come out!” She yells as she follows Jason out the door.

And I am left there in the locker room with Yuzu again. He’s still chuckling as he plants his hands on his hips. “Ready?” He still has his black and gold sneakers on and I wonder if he’s the one who’s not ready.

I nod, “Aren’t we putting our skates on here?” I ask, raising Zhenya’s boots into the air.

He shakes his head and grabs the handle of his luggage. “Ohh, not here. Come on. Let’s go.” I follow him out the door. And for the first time, I step into the rink area. The first thing I notice is that it’s cold and I’ve already started shivering. Maybe it’s the nerves.

Kids are swarming around Jason while Zhenya is already warming up on the ice. But as soon as we walked in, all the little children came running up towards us instead. “Yuzuru,” a young girl squeals and automatically clings to his hands, “You’re late!”

He laughs. “Gomen, Ashley. I am here now, neh?”

The other kids spare me a glance but mostly ignore me so I skirt my way around them and just make my way towards Jason who just finishes helping another tie her skates. “There you go, Nika.” She leaps off the bench and runs up to Yuzu too. He straightens up and greets me in a fierce hug. “I was here first, the bunch of little traitors. They love him.” He says scathingly but he’s smiling with affection. He’s already prepped and he grabs his water bottle to take a long drink. “That’s why Brian asks him to do training camps. He’s always requested by the parents.”

We both look at Yuzu who’s now crouching down interacting with the children one by one.

“Coffee?” Jason offers.

I shake my hand. “I had some already. Any more and I’ll just be a jittery pile of bones.”

Jason laughs and I wonder how someone can get this much energy so early in the morning. But then I look at Yuzu and yepp—okay. Athletes are a whole different breed, I guess. He points to the skates in my hand. “Put them on so we can start.”

I nod and take my seat and start to remove my shoes. It’s a good thing that I’m wearing thick socks as Zhenya’s boots are just a little bit too big for me. Once I slipped them on, they feel bulky and I start lacing them up.

“Okay, kids! Let’s give Yuzu some time to catch up! Everybody on the ice!” Jason calls. The children squeal altogether and they clamber on the ice one by one. They’re like mini rockets zooming around and I feel severely inferior.

Yuzu, finally free, sits down beside me. He removes his shoes and opens his luggage. His skates are gorgeous, all black and shiny. Even the blades are different and I spot his name on them in an elegant script. And is that… Is that a wing?

I try to put on my skates. The laces are crazy long and they seem to be taking forever. Also, it doesn’t help that my fingers are getting numb from the cold so I lean back and flex them.

“I help.” Yuzu says. He’s finished his own and is wearing his skates. He’s even taller than me now. He kneels and takes over the laces. “Must be sure they are tight in right place. Especially ankle.” He adjusts and pulls them up quickly. He squeezes the ankle part to test them out. “Feel good?” He looks up at me, his dark eyes expectant.

Well, Yuzu… It feels like I’ve attached a whole new set of feet to my legs. “Secure.” I say. I stand up and take a few steps as he smiles. “Looking good.” The boots feel snug and comfortable except for the fact that I am balancing on skate guards. 

“Yuki? Are you done?” Zhenya calls out from the ice. She’s standing in the middle with Jason. The kids are lined up in two rows, restless and eager to start.

“Almost!” Yuzu hollers. “Everyone is finish with warm-ups. You and me need to stretch.” He stretches his arms above his head. His back makes little popping sounds.

I nod and stand next to him, mimicking his movements as much as I can. I do some lunges and I can feel my joints loosening up. Next to him, I probably look so fucking awkward while he stretches like a newborn baby. But unwilling to admit defeat, I go through the motions as much as I can. Zhenya and Jason are leading the kids to skate around the rink in laps. The sound of blades gliding across the ice echoes around us.

I focus back on my warm-up and at Yuzu who is now breathing steadily beside me. When he bends over and reaches for the floor, I am amazed at his flexibility as he lays both palms flat on the ground. I try but my back protests and I can’t even reach my feet.

As I struggle, I feel a hand on the small of my back and I yelp. But he chuckles. “Push from here. Use your back not just hands.” I can feel each finger splayed against my skin as if he’s touching me directly without the fabric of my shirt between us. He gives a little push and I bend down a few more centimetres.

“See. It works.” I can’t see him as I stare at my knees that are struggling not to buckle. But I know he’s grinning. I feel him hold me by the waist and I automatically suck my tummy in. He pulls me back up and yes, I am right. He’s grinning.

I don’t know what he’s so amused about. “You’re laughing at me.” I say.

“I am smiling. Not laughing.” He clarifies with raised eyebrows.

“Oh shut up, Yuzu.” I scoff as he grins some more, his eyes disappearing into slits.

“Remember. Breathe. And when you feeling the fall, bend your knees.” He eggs me on. He takes one guard off, steps onto the ice and removes the other. He lifts them to his forehead, like he’s praying and skates back towards me with a smile, putting them down on the floor beside me.

“Come on.” He holds out a gloved hand and I take it. I hold on to it tight and make a tentative step as soon as I remove the guards. I lay them down beside his. He doesn’t let go and I am aware that I am leaning heavily on him. But he keeps me steady.

‘I’m going to fall and break a leg, an ankle, a rib—all at the same time. I know it. I just know it.’ That’s my first thought. The second is that this is almost just like rollerblading which I have tried before but smoother and more… difficult maybe.

He holds out both his hands and I take them. He’s grinning happily as he pulls me along, shimmying his waist. “Come on, move the feet.” I do. And I begin to pick up speed. He skates backwards in front of me and then slowly lets me go.

The third is ‘hey, this is great! This is easy!’, as we go faster and he’s laughing softly now. The fourth is ‘fuck’ when I slip and fall flat on my butt with a yelp. “Ow…” I whimper. But amidst my helplessness, a gloved hand appears in front of me and I look up to see Yuzu’s worried face. 

“Sorry, I should hold you more.” I take his hand but my foot slides away. “Oops.” He chuckles as he bends down, grabs me by the waist and hauls me to feet. My ass is throbbing but kind of numb. “It’s okay, I got a little excited.” I say, embarrassed.

The kids are now gathered in the middle but I can feel their wide eyes on me. Jason is obviously stifling laughter but Zhenya hits him round the arm. But I bend my knees and let Yuzu pull me along. He leads me towards the group and I take my place beside a little boy who looks up at me worriedly. “How’s your bum?” He whispers.

“It’s fine.” I whisper back.

“Who are you?” The girl Yuzu called Ashley chirps up.

“Uhhh… Yuki. I’m joining you today.”

“Are you also a ‘noobis’?” The boy from earlier asks. I’m guessing he meant novice. I nod. “Yes. So you should help me.”

The kids nod and the boy grabs my hand. “I’m Zack. I’ll protect you!” He gives me a big smile and he’s so adorable. “Awww! Thank you, Zack!”

“Are you Yuzuru’s girlfriend?” Ashley asks.

I shake my head but it’s Zack who answers, “No. She’s mine! And they’re brother and sister. Can’t you see they have same eyes?” He rolls his eyes at Ashley who is sighing in relief. Before they could argue some more, Zhenya interrupts. “Okaaaay. So let’s go through the basic stuff first.” Yuzu is discussing something with Jason, probably something about how we should proceed. But he smiles when he sees me holding on to Zack’s hand.

We start with the basics. Once I get over the nerves, I seem to be getting better as time passes. I’ve fallen a few times but hey, I’m not going to let kids get the better of me. Soon enough, I’m actually having fun. Jason is quick to correct my feet and Zhenya too. Yuzu is almost always hounded by the kids. Muscles I’ve never paid attention to before are now starting to pop up in my legs. Cold sweat is running down my back but I keep on going. I can’t help but feel a little bit proud as I manage to skate one lap around the rink on my own.

It’s only been a little while but it already feels like hours. My breath is coming out in gasps and my feet are starting to get super sore. I skate to the side just in time to see the children start with their spins. I’m too focused and my foot slides again. I lose my balance and I hit my hip painfully, effectively knocking the wind out of me. I let out a huge groan as I lay sprawled on the ice, catching my breath.

I hear the sounds of skates towards me and I see Yuzu’s worried face hovering. He holds out his hands but I shake my head. “One minute?” He asks. My back is tired, I am tired—this is the most exercise I’ve done in months.

I raise my eyebrows, gulping in air. “You can leave me here overnight.” But he lowers himself on his ankles and laughs. “Something hurts?”

My left hip is throbbing and the ice I’m laying on is making me start to shiver. “My soul.” I moan dramatically. He laughs aloud. I notice that he has beads of sweat dotting his hairline as he runs his hand through them.

“You should go back to the kids.” I wave a numb hand to dismiss him but he shakes his head. “Kids are okay. Jason and Zhenya are there. You are very much better.” He grins.

“Well, I’m bound to after all the falls I’ve had.” I say, still a little bit breathless.

“Better than what you think.”

I scoff at this and finally sit up. He holds my ice-cold hand and helps me to my feet. He helps me put on my skate guards and I sit down. I loosen my laces but am stunned when he puts his jacket around my shoulders. I look up to see him in his training shirt, all strained against his chest. It’s fucking sexy as he bites down on one finger of his glove and pulls it off. He takes the other and gives them to me. “You wear this. Is cold.”

But I shake my head, “No, it’s fine! I’ve always had cold hands!” But he frowns at me and raises an eyebrow. So I relent and put them on. “Uhh… Thank you.”

“Enough for you today.” He chuckles as he grabs his bottle and takes a long drink. “Jumps and spins next but if you want to trying, you can.” He sighs heavily and stretches his legs in front. “Drink?” He offers.

Fuck. This is an indirect kiss. Right? He isn’t bothered by it at all? A bead of sweat lingers down his jaw as he looks over at the class. He doesn’t flinch when I take it from him and sip. He closes it when I give it back. “Thank you.”

“No problem.” He points to the group. “Zack is missing you.” I see my little boyfriend looking over at me and I catch his eyes and wave. He nods and pays attention back to Jason. Beside him, Ashley is beckoning for Yuzu to come back and I stifle a giggle. “And Ashley misses you too.”

He laughs, running his hand through his hair again. It’s a bit on the long side and I wonder what he looks like with it pushed back. He gets back up on his feet and looks over his shoulder at me, “I come back.” He grins before he skates in breathtaking speed towards the group.

“Take your time!” I call out.

I spend the rest of training camp watching the kids. I don’t think about the jacket around me or how it smells clean and fresh. Nor do I think about his gloves which do have a smiling skating cloud with ‘Irene’ below.

“Oh, hello.”

I look over to my right to see a man—I would guess he’s around his late forties owing to his grey hair. He has a kind face and he’s smiling at me. “Hello!” I say with a smile. He must be one of the club’s members or a kid's father. “Can I help you?” I ask.

He has a comforting yet intimidating look about him—the way he stands with his back straight and his hands clasped behind him. His eyes crinkle at the corners when he smiles. “Just looking. Are you a skater here too?” He asks as he moves to sit down beside me.

I shake my head. “Hardly. I was invited by Jason and Yuzu and I thought I’d indulge. Do you know them?” I ask. “They’re figure skaters here.”

He nods. “I can say that I do. They’re very good athletes, a few of the bests. They’re quite popular.” He looks at me and his eyes are almost piercing.

“I wouldn’t know that much.” I say turning to look back at the session. “I just met Yuzu a week ago and we hung out a few times. I know he has some fans and that he’s quite a celebrity.”

“Interesting…” He says.

“Sorry. What’s interesting?” I ask.

He shrugs. “Oh, it’s nothing. I see them here almost every chance I get.” He laughs. “What else do you know about Yuzu?”

This must be what Jason was saying about the parents requesting him to train their kids. And I better put in a good word. I think about it hard. “He’s… quiet.” Which was how he was when we first met, “But when he starts opening up, he’s very interesting. He likes to… tease and sometimes he’s annoying.”

I watch Yuzu and Jason get chased by the kids in a small game of tag while Zhenya helps with Zack’s spins. “And he’s very good with kids. I can tell that he’s very passionate with his skating. There was this one time when we watched a movie and he was so interested in the soundtrack to see if it would help with his next programs.”

“Oh, really?” He looks a little bit surprised. “Next programs, huh?”

“Yup!” I say cheerfully. “The one we watched had some pretty good music but I don’t think it’ll make the cut.”

“The hunt is ongoing then?” He asks.

“Maybe.” I say in uncertainty. Yuzu’s laugh is echoing along with kids throughout the area. They’re at the far side of the rink, out of our sight as I lean over and look. Jason is on his butt. “He’s kind… very kind…” I add, more as an afterthought.

“He usually keeps to himself. Jason is one of the few who’s pestered him enough to be friends.” He says and I nod in agreement. I haven’t known Jason for a long time but I can tell that he has that power over people.

“Are any of them yours?” I ask, gesturing to the kids.

But he chuckles, “All of them are mine.” Oh. How cute. What a totally Grandpa thing to say! “That’s wonderful!” I say with a squeal.

He laughs with me. “I only meant to stay for a little while but I’m glad I met you.”

Just then, we hear Jason call out, “Okay! That’s it for today!” A cheer erupts from the children with scattered rounds of applause. Everybody gets off the ice but they squeal at the sight of the man sitting beside me. Zhenya seems to know him too as she goes in for a quick hug. Yuzu is still on the ice, doing something which I recognise as his choreography from before.

There was a flurry of activity as everyone remove their skates and trudge off to the lockers. My little boyfriend Zack is quick to hold on to me as I help him put on his shoes. Done, he gives me a hug and a kiss on the cheek. “Are you also coming next week?”

“Next week?” I ask.

It’s Jason who answers. “Next week is their next session. Nice jacket.” He winks at me with a smile. 

Oh. I’m still wearing Yuzu’s. I shrug and face Zack who is looking at me expectantly. “I will try.” He beams and follows his mates out the door waving back at me.

“Hey, Brian!” Jason says. And I stand there in shock. “You’re… you’re the coach.” I stutter. Brian laughs. “I’m sorry, I should have introduced myself. I am Brian Orser. And you are?” I am quick to apologise. “Yuki. Yuki Gallego.” But Jason puts his arm around my shoulder the same time as Zhenya who is clinging to my other side. “Brian!” She is whispering loudly, “She’s the girl—“ They both stop at the sight of Yuzu skating towards us.

“The what?” Brian presses on. Zhenya laughs almost nervously at the sight of Yuzu coming closer. He glares at Jason and shoos him away from me. “Yes, the what?” He raises an eyebrow.

“Nothing! She’s our friend!” Jason beams at all of us.

I am weirded out a little bit but Brian seems to get what’s happening. He chuckles. “Welcome to The Cricket Club. I hope you had fun. And that my skaters did not drag you here against your will.” I shake my head. Now I feel really embarrassed. “They’re very nice and no, they did not… drag me here.”

Brian puts his hands in his pockets. “Good. I just stopped by to see how camp was coming along before I catch my flight.”

“Ohhh!!! Please tell Joseph and the others good luck for us!” Zhenya asks. Brian nods. “Yes, yes. I will.” He looks over at his skaters sternly but fondly. “You, Jason… work on that axel. Zhenya—watch the edge on the lutz.” He turns to Yuzu, “And you… no more than two hours.”

Jason grumbles. It’s a stark contrast to his earlier enthusiasm. Yuzu nods with a smile. “Yes, I promise.”

Brian taps him on the cheek and Yuzu scratches the back of his head. “No sneaking practices. I’ve got eyes everywhere. And don’t forget what I said about relaxing.” He glances over to Jason and Zhenya who are whispering. Then Brian turns to me. “Yuki, it was very nice to meet you. Please keep an eye on my skaters for me.” But he cocks his head towards Yuzu. “Especially that one.”

I laugh and nod. “Two, if I can spare them.” We shake hands and with another stern look at his pupils, Brian leaves. I sigh heavily when he does. “I’m such an idiot.”

“And why is that?” Zhenya asks. She sits beside me and starts removing her skates. Jason and Yuzu do the same. “I asked him if he needed help. I assumed that he’s a parent. I asked him if he knew you!” I say in a whiny voice.

Zhenya starts giggling and Jason laughs. “He probably knows me better than I know myself.” He says.

“Ugh.” I groan. “Idiot.”

“But Brian likes joking sometimes. He didn’t say his name.” Yuzu says. “What did he say? Any more?” He takes my skates from me and starts to wipe them down despite my protests. So instead, I stuff my feet into my shoes and we all troop into the locker room to get our coats.

“He asked what I know about…” Well… you, really. But I don’t say that. “All of you.” I say.

“Did you tell him how incredibly fun we are?” Jason smirks. “By we, I mean Zhenya and I.”

Zhenya laughs. “And did you tell him how incredibly boring Yuzu is?” She adds. I hand her the clean skates but she shakes her head, “I don’t use them anymore. You can keep them.”

“Oh no—please!” I say. But she laughs and shakes her head. “You’ll need them for next week, right? It’s okay, I have more.” So, I stuff them inside my locker and put on my coat. And Jason is just nodding at me. “Oh yes, next week! I’ve never seen Zack so spirited like today.”

“Ahh, Yuki’s little boyfriend.” Yuzu smirks at me.

“Just like your little girlfriend.” I retort. He gives me a silly grin.

“Okay, guys. I am really really super duper hungry. And I need to take a shower.” Zhenya groans. “But can we please please have dinner together?” I know she’s inviting me but she’s really looking at Yuzu who is trying his best to look clueless.

“Please, Yuzu. Come with us this time. Just this once.” Jason begs.

I raise my eyebrow at his silly grin. Is… Has he not… gone to dinner with his friends? Ahhh, but I remember him telling me that he doesn’t go out. I feel Zhenya hold me by the arms and push me towards Yuzu. “Yuki is coming with us, right? So you’ll go too?”

I can see him debating with himself about it as he scrunches up his nose and whines, “Hmmmmnnnggggg—“

“Pleaaase, Yuzu. Please. We’ll have fun, I promise.” Jason says. “But where… are we going? You know I—“, Yuzu starts. And Zhenya interrupts excitedly, “How about, Jason, you cook us something and we can have it at your house and then we can watch movies after?”

“Ohhh. Interesting.” I say. “Like a sleepover only we don’t… sleep over.” Zhenya jumps up and down, clutching Jason’s hands. They’re so excited about it and I cannot help but laugh at their antics. Yuzu chuckles too. “Okay, fine. We’ll go.” Jason nudges Zhenya obviously. “Hear that, Zee. He said ‘we’ll go’ like it’s no big deal.” They erupt in giggles but quiet down when Yuzu stands up. “Okay, kids. Chill.” He puts an emphasis on the ‘kids’ part and that just makes the pair laugh some more.

My new Russian friend comes over and gives me a tight hug. She beams at me, “I’m so glad you’re here. I’ll text Yuzu the details about later, okay? Promise me that you’ll come?”

I nod. “Yes. I promise.”

Jason hugs me too and they wave to Yuzu before leaving. I turn to him who is retying his shoes. Then I remember that I am still wearing his jacket inside my coat and his gloves. I start to take them off but he catches me and shakes his head, “Keep it. There is also later.” I stop unzipping halfway and nod. “Oh, okay.”

His hair is a disheveled mess because he keeps running his hand through it. His cheeks are flushed, just a little bit. But his eyes are twinkling. He looks… satisfied. I guess he really did have fun at training camp. I wouldn’t doubt it since I did watch him get all chummy with the kids. He straightens up, a hand on his luggage. He holds out his other hand halfway but flexes his fingers instead.

And I can’t seem to count the number of times we’ve held hands today even if it’s for helping me not fall down to my slippery death. He clears his throat and his dimple reappears as he grins. “Let’s go home?”


	6. LoK - 6

Disclaimer: Yuzuru Hanyu does not belong to me. Ugh.

* * *

 

Soaking in the tub does wonders for my tired body. My ass feels sore and so do my legs. I have new blisters near my ankles but nothing bandaids won’t fix. Towelling my hair dry, I make my way towards the door when I hear a knock.

“Yuzu!” I exclaim. He grins. He’s wearing a cream pullover with stripes and beige pants. It’s such a contrast from his usual training clothes that I am pleasantly surprised by how even more handsome he looks. His hair might pass off as styled but actually, it’s just damp from his shower.

“Hey.” He greets, stuffing his hands in his pockets. He does not move and we just stand somewhat awkwardly until I remember to invite him in. He gives a small bow and steps inside, bringing a whiff of soap and freshness.

“Sorry, it’s a mess.” I apologise quickly, grabbing a shirt off the back of a chair and stuffing it inside the laundry basket.

He shrugs and chuckles. “Is okay. But I’m sorry I arrive too early?” He gestures to my hair which I am now attacking with a comb. Seeing him inside my room gives me thoughts—thoughts I do not want to entertain right now in my just-out-of-the-shower state.

I was wondering about that. Zhenya did say dinner but it’s still around four in the afternoon. When we parted earlier, we didn’t talk about the time. It’s just lucky timing that I am out of the shower when he came knocking.

“Please sit.” I gesture to the chair. “I’ll just… do something about this mess then I’ll be right with you.”

He nods and sits down. “Take your time.”

I leave the door to the bathroom open as I fix myself. I spy at him from the doorway, watching him carefully. But he just sits quietly in front of my desk. My notebook is there and I see him trace the edge with a finger. Aside from that, he looks out the window. It’s started snowing again and I wonder where Jason lives.

“Is it far?” I call out.

He shakes his head. “Jason lives downstairs.”

“Oh!” I… should have expected that. “And Zhenya too?”

He shrugs. “I dunno. I think she has apartment with her mother somewhere near.”

“Having a teammate close by must be great.” I say. I remember living so far away from my friends back home and usually, I just end up not joining any gatherings.

Yuzu shakes his head. “This is first time I go hang out with friends.” He says almost shyly.

I come out of the bathroom in shock. “Wha—what do you mean?”

He laughs. “I told you? I don’t go out.”

I snap an elastic band at the end of my braid, looking at him incredulously. “I would have expected you to hang out. I mean,” I gesture to the both of us, “we spend… time together…”

He gets up on his feet with a bounce. “That’s different.” He smirks. “And how is it different?” I challenge him. But he raises an eyebrow, a playful smile on his lips. “Is our ‘time-out’, remember?”

* * *

Jason’s room is bigger than mine, a lot bigger. It’s fitted with a kitchen and a separate living room. The air smells heavenly with his pasta and bolognese sauce. He’s fussing while Yuzu and I sit on the slightly small couch, our knees touching.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” Jason asks me for the nth time. He’s referring of course to the heater if I wanted it turned up a little bit more. I nod again, “Yes.”

“Good.” He says with finality, beaming as he bustles off back to the kitchen where he is baking his homemade pizza. I tried to offer help but he refused and basically forced me to sit down. Zhenya is due to arrive in the next minutes.

“I didn’t know you guys ate dinner so early,” I joked. Jason comes back with drinks. Yuzu takes his soda and sips it. Jason laughs, “Not really. But Zhenya is on this fasting thing and she doesn’t want to eat so late so we’ll have to adjust.” He wiggles his eyebrows at us as he sits down on the armchair opposite.

Jason is tapping his feet on the floor and Yuzu leans over to whisper in my ear, “He’s very excited.” He says loudly. Jason grins at us. “This is the first time I get to hang out with Yuzu. Thank you, Yuki.”

I look over at Yuzu who shrugs and laughs appreciatively. “You should hang out with them more.” I tell him. But he grins in that adorable way of his. “Maybe I will.”

“It is already an honour to have _the_ Yuzuru Hanyu join me for dinner. Honestly, Yuki. He just goes to TCC for practice then leaves right after.” Jason scowls.

“Usually because I have…” Yuzu is gesturing with his hands as he looks for an excuse.

“Homework?” I suggest.

He nods enthusiastically. “Yes. Homework. And class.”

“We always invite him but he’s like this slippery fish, very hard to catch. One minute he’s there, I put my shoes on—then he’s gone.” Jason snaps his fingers. “Just like that.”

“Ninja.” I say in a low voice. Yuzu bites his lower lip and he purses his lips as he looks away to avoid our stares.

Just then, the doorbell rings and Jason gets up to open it, almost skipping the whole way. I hear Zhenya before I see her. “—bought my hard drive and we can watch movies all night and did Yuki bring a change of clothes?! This is going to be so much fu—“ She squeals when she enters the living room and rushes over to hug me.

I feel the air get knocked out of me as she basically throws herself in my arms. Then it’s the chaos of giggling as she kisses me on both cheeks and she grins. She’s so pretty, like a sparkling Barbie doll and I cannot help but be pulled in by her vivaciousness. “Yuki!!! You came!!!” Her Russian accent when she speaks English is so adorable.

I nodded, “I did promise.”

She glares at Yuzu who is laughing behind his hand. “And I see that you managed to bring the hermit with you. Good job!” But I shake my head, “He might not look like it but Yuzu is very excited about this. He was knocking on my door so early, I wasn’t even ready yet.”

Zhenya looks at Yuzu with squinty eyes, hands on her hips. “You know, Yuzu. If you really wanted to spend that much time with us, you should just say so.” She leaves on her heels, as dramatic as she arrived, to go help Jason with the plates.

I look over at Yuzu who is sniggering and I cannot help but laugh along with him. Soon, Jason comes in bearing plates. He doesn’t have a dining table so we balance it on our knees. His cooking is good and he bounces up and down at my compliments.

Zhenya and Jason are so animated talking to each other, it’s like watching a television series. They talk about skating, spewing out some terms that I don’t understand but still try to. Yuzu is quiet most of the time beside me, looking awkward with a fork. He joins in on the conversation when prompted but otherwise observes just like me.

“I have this huge bruise on my thigh.” Zhenya groans. Now they’re comparing battle wounds. “And it hurts every time I sit down.”

“Is that the one you got from falling on your lutz the other day?” Jason asks. Zhenya nods vigorously. The confusion must have been evident on my face because I feel Yuzu before I can hear him, “Is a jump… like a toe jump.” His breath tickles my ear and my heart skips a beat as he winks at me.

“The lutz is my total enemy right now.” She groans, throwing her hands up in the air. “Tracy said I’m being too tense about it.” Jason nods knowingly, “I think you’re also overthinking it.” They both look at Yuzu who shrugs, “Show me next time in practice.” He says. Zhenya sighs in relief. “But Tracy is maybe right. You overthink much.” He adds.

But Zhenya pouts and shakes her head. “I’m just reaaaally nervous.” Jason gives her a quick hug. “Nationals? It’s two weeks away! You have time.”

“Nationals?” I ask.

“Russian Nationals for Skating. To know who go to Worlds and will not go in March.” Yuzu explains to me.

“Oh.” I look over at Zhenya who is fanning herself. “I haven’t seen you skate but I’m sure you’ll do fine. I will be cheering for you.”

She beams, jumps and grabs my hand. “You are so sweet, Yuki! Yes, please. Thank you!”

“And for me too, yes?” Jason chimes in. I nod vigorously. “You’re all going to this Worlds competition then?” I look over at Yuzu who is sipping his drink, his eyebrows wiggling.

“WE have to go through Nationals to get to Worlds. This one —“ Jason points a finger accusingly at Yuzu who balks and raises his hands in defence, “I go to competitions too!” He exclaims. But Zhenya smirks, shaking her head. Her long curls catch the light. “Fine.” Then she turns to me, “But yes, we have to go through these competitions so our federations can decide whom to send.”

I nod, understanding a bit of their world. It makes sense since a country is likely to have several elite skaters to choose from. I look at Yuzu who nods with me. “Most of times, they use national competitions to know who goes. Too many skaters, many choices. If you have good history, is also helping very much.” He adds.

“Like, your chances of winning or how consistent you’ve been for the whole season.” Jason says.

I give them a nervous laugh. “Whoah, sounds tough. I’m sorry I don’t understand this… figure skating stuff.”

Jason nods emphatically. “It’s okay, I explained to Zhenya about your… virginity.”

I cringe while Yuzu laughs beside me, clutching his stomach. “Ugh, Jason, pleaaase!” I say as Zhenya laughs too. She snaps her fingers to get their attention. “Come on, no teasing Yuki. She’s adorable!”

Jason gets on his feet, “Sorry, Yuki. Let me make it up to you with ice cream.” He gets up and offers me a hand. I take it and we leave Zhenya and Yuzu to choose which movie to watch. We get into his kitchen where he gives me a huge smile. “Yuki, I actually wanted to talk to you.”

I lean on the counter as he rummages through his fridge and takes out pints of ice cream. “What about?” I feel a twinge of anxiety. When people tell me they ‘need to talk’, it doesn’t usually bode well. But Jason is grinning as if to assure me that everything will be okay. He pries each lid open and sticks a spoon in. “About Yuzu.”

I inhale sharply. “What… about Yuzu?”

“Yuzu is… Look, we’ve been friends a long time. And he’s always been bubbly—always smiling. But lately, he’s been…” Jason scoops a spoonful in his mouth. “Withdrawn. It’s been a long time since we’ve seen him laugh. Zhenya wanted to thank you too. Strawberry or vanilla?”

I take the strawberry one and the cool sweetness wets my tongue. Now, I am curious. “How long have you been friends?”

Jason pauses and Zhenya’s laughter reaches the kitchen. He answers my question with one of his own. “How much do you know about Yuzuru Hanyu?”

The use of his full name surprises me. But I shrug it off. “Not much? I know he skates. He showed me his Romeo and Juliet and his Hope and Legacy and… that he’s a student and takes online classes and…”

My giggle trails off. There’s so much more I want to say about the few days I’ve known him. I know how sexy and handsome he is and yet be a little boy—childish like a six-year old. I know how his smile makes me feel, how his eyes crinkle at the corners when he does, almost disappearing, and there’s this small dimple on the upper right corner of his mouth. I know how his hair falls when he runs his hands through them, how he puts on his skates at lightning speed, how his Adam’s apple bobs up and down when he drinks. I know how animated he can get when he talks about skating and the way his eyes light up with passion when he listens to music. I know how beautiful he looks when he closes his eyes as he performs his program in his mind… But all these seem… inconsequential.

“Not much, really.” I say to Jason. He’s looking at me curiously, like he wants to say something but he’s deciding against it. “There’s this one time, we were in the hotel lounge and some fans came up to him. It was very… interesting.”

Jason laughs. “Ah yes, his fans.”

“Does he have a lot?”

“More than a lot. They are everywhere. I don’t blame them. Yuzuru Hanyu is… a sight to behold isn’t he?”

I find myself nodding. “Yes. Yes, he is.”

“Jason! Yuki! Ice cream!!!” Zhenya’s voice calls out. We both laugh and go back into the living room. I take my seat beside Yuzu whose gaze lingers on my strawberry pint over his vanilla one.

“Okay, ready?” Zhenya asks everyone with a remote in her hand. She’s made herself a little fort on the floor, lounging on cushions. “What are we watching?” Jason asks. But Zhenya shushes him. “No questions allowed.” She grins.

The curtains are drawn and the room is dark. The movie starts and all I can hear as the intro rolls is the sound of spoons digging into ice creams and of course, Yuzu’s breathing. He’s taken off his shoes and the sight of his socks with his toes wiggling almost makes me laugh. When he sticks his spoon into my ice cream and indulges himself in strawberry goodness, I take his vanilla one instead and he purrs like a kitten with a treat.

This is the most nervous I’ve been, watching a movie. I’ve seen one with Yuzu before in the lounge and I was considerably more relaxed. But now, with his friends around and Jason sneaking glances our way, I cannot concentrate. So when Jason offers me a beer, I do not say no.

I am surprised though, when Yuzu takes one too. I can tell he’s not used to it as his nose scrunches. “This… not taste good.” He whispers to me. You know, for a Japanese person, known for their politeness and privacy, he is very… touchy. He leans close so as not to disturb Zhenya who has her feet up on Jason’s lap while he whispers. “You drink this… for fun?”

I take a long drink and he scoffs. “Not just for fun,” I say.

If you ask me what we were watching, I wouldn’t know what to say. I looked at the moving figures, laughed when they laughed, but the alcohol was flooding my system. It’s been a long time since I’ve drunk any, of course.As soon as the movie is over, Jason plays Beyonce out loud. Crazy in Love is blasting through the speakers and Zhenya is dancing to the music. Yuzu and I are on the couch, laughing at their crazy antics. The lightheadedness, the tingling in my fingers, the fun and familiar buzzing as I relax against the couch. After a few bottles, I am pleasantly tipsy and have no inclination to join them.

But Zhenya pulls on my hand, her eyes wide and inviting and I find that I cannot say no to this girl. She rubs her hips against me with Jason on the other side. I don’t even know what I’m doing but I move my body in what I hope to be in time to the music. I laugh when Jason holds me by the waist and he does this twerking thing with his ass and Zhenya squeals and does the same and I cannot— cannot for the life of me, remember a time when I was sandwiched between two people!

The pounding of the music and the sheer freedom of it all—I look over at Yuzu and he’s laughing from the couch but shakes his head when Jason tries to drag him in our mini-party. Our eyes meet and I think I must look crazy or whatever because he stares into me intently, a ghost of a smile on his lips. But the next thing I know, Jason is twirling me and Zhenya goes next and then we’re all spinning round and round until we collapse on a heap on the cushions, breathless in a tangle of arms and legs.

Yuzu helps me back on the couch. It takes me a minute to catch my breath and another to realise that his arm is around my shoulders. I stiffen but his thumb rubs circles on my shoulder and this makes me relax considerably. The alcohol makes me stretch the boundaries I have set for myself and there’s a nagging thought at the back of my mind, waiting to pounce when needed.

With one day off tomorrow, Jason and Zhenya are letting themselves go completely. Empty cartons of ice cream litter the floor and bags of chips are gaping open. Zhenya is dancing around with one sock off but she doesn’t seem to care nor mind. Jason grabs her by the waist, lifts her up in a mock imitation of what Yuzu whispers to me is ‘ice dancing’. They play a couple more songs and I dance with Zhenya first but Jason would pout and I would have to dance with him too then Yuzu would pull me back when they smother me with their giggles and hugs.

“My Russian baby doll is so good at dancing.” I coo when Zhenya lays her head on my chest, fighting to catch her breath. “I love you already.” She says, her voice a little rough around the edges from all her squeals and laughter.

“What does that make me?!” Jason demands, nudging us with his foot. He’s sprawled on the cushions with a Playstation controller in his hands. He tosses one to Yuzu who grabs it out of the air deftly. He has a foolish grin on his face scrolling through Jason’s games to find something to play.

I think about it hard. “My… American boytoy?”, I offer. Jason beams, giggling. “Like it?” I ask. He nods vigorously but drops a bomb, “What about Yuzu?”

Zhenya looks up at me, her beautiful eyes wide and searching with a naughty smile. My mouth gapes open like a fish as Yuzu tears his eyes away from the screen. He looks at me, with eyebrows raised, a smirk tugging on his lips, his dimple in full view. “Yes, Yuki. What about me?” He asks cheekily.

“What… do you want… to be?” I stammer.

His gaze roots me to the spot and Zhenya whispers, “Mochi. He could be your Japanese mochi.” But Jason protests and suggests another, “Pork bun! Japanese pork bun!” Zhenya bursts out laughing at this, “Shoma is a pork bun! Not Yuzu! Shoma!”

“Mochi is goood.” Zhenya whines but apparently, my American boytoy disagrees. “Keiji is Japanese mochi. He’s a hoooooot Japanese mochi.”

I don’t know who Shoma or Keiji are. But they are probably figure skaters from Japan too. But Yuzu clears his throat. “Keiji and Shoma have cool nicknames and I don’t?”

Zhenya giggles. “Ahhh because Shoma is cute—“

“—And Keiji is hot.” Jason interjects.

“And you two— clearly going crazy.” Yuzu scoffs, shaking his head. But my new best friends are clutching their stomachs in suppressed laughter.

“You are totally jealous!” Jason tosses a pillow at him and Yuzu bats it away with an incredulous look on his face. “I am not!” He denies vehemently but his face is red and Jason pelts him with more pillows. One hits him on the side of his face and he looks at us, a malicious glint in his eye.

I feel Zhenya’s fingers dig into my skin as she hides behind me. Jason tries to shield both of us from Yuzu but he’s smirking and his aura is threatening and when he takes one step towards us, we scatter like toddlers on crack. Zhenya goes right and Jason to the left. We erupt into giggles as Yuzu attacks me first, hitting me on the side with a pillow in both hands. I hold my arms up to stop him but he does not relent. I fall on my butt and just submit to the blows shrieking all the way.

“It was Jason! It was Jason! Not me!” I plead amidst wheezing. But Yuzu just laughs. Good thing that my baby doll and boytoy come to my rescue and we just sink into a flurry of feathers and pillows. We all try to catch our breaths. Zhenya is on my thigh with Jason’s arms everywhere. Yuzu is on my shoulder and his high-pitched giggling is adorable to listen to. My head is spinning and there’s a lump in my throat as we all stare at the ceiling. A few minutes pass where our ragged breathing echoes throughout the room.

“Tekken?” Yuzu speaks up after a while.

I nod slowly. “I bet I can whup your ass in Tekken.”

Jason sits up like lightning, “Oh no, Yuki. You don’t want to do that! Yuzu is the best—“

But I am already plopping myself on the couch beside Yuzu who hands me a controller. He’s grinning at me, his hair sticking up all over the place and I just raise an eyebrow at him. Zhenya sits between my legs, eyes glued to the screen while Jason gets up for more drinks saying we will need it for what's about to come.

“How good are you at games exactly?” I whisper loudly to Yuzu who takes a swig from his beer. He’s no longer scrunching his nose or grimacing at the taste. He smacks his lips together, all flushed cheeks and sexy dimple, “Fight me and see.”

“Cocky.” I scoff.

He just laughs as we both choose our fighters.

* * *

He’s good. Damn good. Too good. And that is saying a lot for someone who’s used to having people bet on me to win—and I do, I always do. All those endless hours at the arcade, burning time and money during my university days. All those days of solitude in my room, punching buttons and kicking ass—they’re all supposed to pay off. I haven’t met a rival that could make me lose my shit.

Until Yuzuru Hanyu.

I groan in defeat, more in awe than annoyance, maybe about twenty rounds later. I resist the urge to toss the controller out the window at Jason’s and Zhenya’s laughter. Empty bottles of beer are all around us and I can’t even count how many I’ve had—only that maybe I’m losing because I’m tiptoeing inebriety. I don’t know what time it is but I can tell it’s late. Zhenya’s now lying on Jason’s  lap and she’s almost dozing off.

“You were going easy on me.” I accuse him. The first few games were easy. But they got increasingly harder as we continued. As I needed to bring out his competitive streak, the one I know he definitely has, I fought harder and harder. And yes, that definitely backfired.

“I’m sorry.” He says in this husky voice I’ve never heard him use before. I can tell he’s not sorry either. He’s relaxed against the couch with a lazy grin. He’s flushed and his words sound a little bit slurred. He’s rolled up his sleeves to his elbows and god… his forearms are sexy. I’ve always had a thing for sinewy forearms. He throws his head back, a hand on his face. “That was fun.”

“Ahhh, it was fun beating me, huh?” I ask.

He nods. “ Hai. Arigatou .” He smirks amusedly.

It takes an enormous amount of effort for me not to pinch his cheeks. We’re sitting so close to each other, my toes are tucked under his thigh. Sometime over the course of our games, I’ve gravitated closer towards him and he doesn’t seem to mind judging from the number of consolation pats and grips he’s given me every time I lose. “Gomen .” His lips form the words but no sound comes out.

I put the controller aside and lean my head back too. Huh, I never knew that the ceiling had these swirling patterns. I try to count but Yuzu sighs beside me. I face left to see him so close. His eyes are almost disappearing into slits. His dimple is inviting and his teeth flash in the light from the screen. I watch him lick his lips slowly and in the haze of my slow mind, I wonder if they taste like strawberry ice cream. It takes me a few seconds to realise I’m unashamedly appreciating his mouth and I look back up to his eyes.

They’re always intense like the ocean, full of deep, dark secrets and yet so expressive, I wish I have all the time in the world to unravel them all. “You are staring.” He says.

“Gomen .” I say. I am not though. I do not look away, nor does he. He must be so used to being stared at, he’s comfortable under my gaze and I remember Jason’s words… that his fans are everywhere… I know next to nothing about him. He could be worth a million dollars and I find that I don’t care. I watch him chew on his lower lip, the tip of his pink tongue darting out and I lean closer—

“More beer?” Jason breaks the trance. I almost hurt my neck as I look at him on the floor, gently transferring Zhenya on a pile of pillows.

“Uhh… Yea—yeah sure.” I stammer, tucking my hair behind my ears. Embarrassed, I grab the remote and just navigate back to Netflix. My heart is pounding. I can’t believe I almost did that! At least, he doesn’t say anything. Even though I could swear he was leaning in closer too—maybe it was my imagination—but thank the gods that Jason was here to bring me back to Earth.

No.

No. 

No.

I cannot mess this up. I cannot. I choose a random movie. Anything, really—to fill the silence as I pull the reins on me panicking and I sneak a glance at Yuzu, wondering about his reaction. But when I do, he’s back to staring at the ceiling. And I feel foolish, foolish enough to think that I would have elicited a reaction from him .

Jason comes back, nudges me with a cold beer, nods at my movie choice and settles on the floor.  I do not look at Yuzu for as long as I can.

* * *

A head drops on my shoulder. I look down to see a tuft of jet-black hair, the hint of a nose and lips. “Yuzu?” I whisper. But he doesn’t answer. His steady breathing, the constant rising and falling of his chest, his slack fingers, his weight against my side—they tell me that he’s fallen asleep. I sit still, afraid to move lest he wakes.

I wish I could silence the beating of my heart. It’s thumping so loud I can hear blood rushing through my ears. And I wonder if he could hear it too, somehow seeping into his dreams. I see Jason looking back at me as he mouths, “You okay?” I nod slowly as Yuzu shifts, his weight almost pinning me down. His head droops and I cup his face to stop him from falling. I am assaulted by the softness of his cheek, the smoothness of his skin and the sharpness of his jaw. 

I nod at Jason. The movie is over. Zhenya is full-on sprawled on the floor like a starfish and Jason, although a bit wobbly at his feet, grunts as he gets up. He tucks his arm under Zhenya’s legs and lifts her up. “I’ll just… Put this girl in bed. Then I’ll come back help you bring Yuzu back to his room.” He says slowly, his eyes almost closing.

“Jason, go and rest. I can handle Yuzu,” I say as confident as I can.

He blinks several times and nods. “You sure?” He shifts Zhenya on his arms as I give him a little push. “Yes. Go.”

“Okay… Good night, Yuki.” And he trudges off towards the bedroom with heavy feet. And I go back to my sleeping Japanese boy. I shift a little and his head slumps to my chest. I shake his shoulders softly.

“Yuzu… Yuzu?” He doesn’t budge. “Yuzu?” I say again, a little bit louder. He hums and his arms reach around my waist blindly. I hold my breath as he tucks himself at the crook of my neck. I can feel it when he exhales. It’ll be an odd sight for when Jason comes back and I wouldn’t know how to explain it.

“Yuzu…” I shake him harder. And finally, he grunts. And lifts his head and our noses almost touch for a brief moment. He rubs at his eyes in that adorable way he has, his lips almost pouting as his eyes flutter open. “Yuki…” He murmurs. His eyes are glassy and clearly he’s half-asleep. But I push him to a sitting position and get up. “Let’s get you back to your room, okay?” I say in a low voice. I hear Jason grunting in the next room and the sound of shoes hitting the carpet.  

He’s out of it but at least he’s moving albeit very slowly. Bending down, he slips his feet into his shoes, grunting. I help him get up on his feet, his arm around my shoulders. He mumbles something in Japanese as slowly, we make our way out the door. Our movements are slow and I am reminded of how he helped me when I sprained my ankle the first time we met. My head is starting to ache and I want to go to bed and sleep this off. But he rests his chin on top of my head in the elevator as I am pressed against his chest, my arms around his waist as I struggle to keep him upright. He stumbles as we get off the lift.

“Yuzu? Where’s your key card?” I ask him, slightly breathless. He answers in Japanese as he slams a hand on the wall to steady himself, groaning. “What?”

“World… spinning.” He chokes out.

“Is this your first time drinking?” I ask. His arm is still around me and he sways on the spot. I hold on tighter to his narrow waist. He shakes his head, a stream of annoyed Japanese tumbles out of his mouth like curses. “Let’s get you inside. Where’s your keycard?” I ask again.

Slowly, he leans on the wall, mouth slightly open, one eye closed as he fishes his wallet out of his back pocket. It slips through his fingers and I stop him before he bends over and reaches for it himself. His keycard is already sticking out at the top and I whip it out. Yuzu grabs for me again as I press it against the sensor. I kick the door open as soon as the light turns green and I hold him by the waist, guiding him slowly inside.

His room is pretty much the exact replica of Jason’s but I don’t have the time or energy to notice the open notebooks littering the coffee table or the dimly lit screen of an iPod or the scattered earphones on the couch. Yuzu may be drunk but he still kicks off his shoes at the entrance and I scramble to do the same. He whines and groans, clutching his head as we walk, rather stumble, into his bedroom in the dark.

He collapses on the bed with a poof of pillows and blankets as he lays, spread-eagled with his legs dangling off of the side. “Yuki…” he moans.

I pause to catch my breath, looking around for the light switch but debating against it. He would curse at me if I turn them on now. Instead, I reach for the lamp at his bedside table and switch it on. It casts an orange glow over the bedspread, giving him a halo with his dark locks and fluttering eyelids.

“Yuzu, I’m going to get you some water, okay?” I tell him.

His weak ‘no’ goes ignored as my socked feet take me to the kitchen. The light from the fridge blinds me for a second as I survey the contents: packs of juice with ‘Amino Vital’ stamped onto them, some fruits and a spotted banana, then at the bottom rack, rows and rows of bottled water. I grab one, twisting it open as I make my way back.

He hasn’t moved but he’s still mumbling something in Japanese. I make out ‘kuyashii’ and ‘baka’. The rest is unintelligible. I allow myself to sit on the edge of his bed and it dips under my weight. “Yuzu, you need to drink,” I coax as he groans.

“Nani?” He murmurs under his breath. The room is still and silent except for our breathing. I’m tired and my muscles ache. I feel like I carried weights, which is what I actually did. I suppress a yawn as I take his hand and try to put the bottle in his hands. But his fingers are slack and I try calling out to him again. “Yuzu? You need to drink.”

“No beer. Onegai .” He answers in a whiny voice.

I stifle a giggle. “It’s just water. Come on. It’ll help.” I say with an air of talking to a toddler except it’s a full grown man in front of me.

Finally, he opens his eyes, eyelashes fluttering in the orange light. He looks at me and smiles lazily. “Water?” I nod. “ Hai. Just water. Come on.” I give his powerful thigh a pat which makes him laugh softly. “O-kay…” He mumbles. He tries to get up on his elbows but he falls back down immediately and groans again. “Noooo…” He whines. “No get up.” His English is more broken than before and he says something again in Japanese.

“Come on. It’ll make you feel better.” I urge him.

“Help up.” He says after a few heartbeats. With one hand, I slip it under his neck and he entwines his arms around me again. We’re so close and he still smells clean and my heart skips a beat as I haul him up. Now, he’s just making it even more difficult by being almost dead weight. He leans into me as I get him in a sitting position and guide the bottle into his mouth. I try hard not to stare at some droplets missing his mouth, down to his neck and the slightly open collar of his shirt.

He takes a few tentative sips, his arms heavy. “Really, you shouldn’t have taken all those beers Jason gave you.” I scold him half-heartedly. He takes another sip and looks at me through hooded eyes, his bangs covering almost half his face. He shakes his head and erupts into even more Japanese. I hear ‘kuyashii’ and ‘baka’ again.

I do not stop lifting the bottle to his lips until it’s half-empty. Any more would just make him pee and I’m sure he wouldn’t even be able to take himself to the bathroom. Capping it close, I balance him on my shoulder as I put it on the bedside table, “There’s more here if you want any later.” He just sighs and nods drunkenly, making no move to lie back down. “Now let’s get you in bed,” I say.

Instead, he slips down to my lap, his head resting on my thigh. “Spinning,” he says again.

And in that exact moment, I think: that if there was ever a chance to freeze time, this would be it. God, this would be it. His nose, his dark eyebrows, the way his hair falls just so, his steady breathing, his closed eyes, his lips forming a satisfied smile, the way the orange light casts colour on his pale skin—every part of this moment is perfect.

He’s perfect.

If Shoma is a pork bun and Keiji is a mochi… Yuzu would be… Nothing. I think hard but there’s not one word that can fully describe him. His dualities: fierce and competitive one moment, adorable next—no words can encompass what he is. He’s not just cute or hot or whatever, he’s everything rolled into one.

Yes. He’s perfect.

He snuggles closer, an arm around my waist, mumbling something again in Japanese with every fibre of my being hoping that I stuck close to my roots and learned the damn language. “No.” He whispers, stubborn and obstinate as ever. I feel his fingers on the small of my back, scratching me  lightly.

I look around his room. It’s neat. The closet is slightly open and I see the faint sparkling within the hanging folds of fabric. On his desk is his open laptop, login screen asking for a password. His luggage is at the corner of the room with his black skates propped up beside them. The curtains are ajar and moonlight slices across the room. I take a deep breath, my heart pounding.

I should not be here.

“Yuzu, I need to go,” I say more to myself than him. He does not answer. Instead, the arm around my waist tightens. I hear the faint buzzing in the room and I realise it’s something vibrating. Patting his pockets, I fish out his phone gingerly and the face of a woman stare back at me. She looks so much like Yuzu with the same chin and eyes. I can only guess it’s his mother.

“Yuzu, it’s your Mom.” I tell him. But he shakes his head again, determined not to wake up. The call passes and I put it down beside his bottle of water. He can just call her back in the morning. The time on his phone flashes at 2am. The events of the day are catching up to me. And I am exhausted. I make an attempt to move but Yuzu groans in annoyance. “Yuzu… I need to go.” I try again although this time, half-heartedly.

No, I do not want to go.

“Stay.” He mumbles. “ Onegai .”

His pleading unravels me. And I give in. I allow myself one little guilty pleasure, one that I want to try. I lift one hand slowly and just like I’ve seen him do a dozen times, I run my fingers through his hair feeling the soft silky strands give way, my nails scratching his scalp. He purrs like a kitten on my lap, sighing contentedly with a smile tugging on his lips. “Hmmm… More…” He says under his breath.

So, I do it again. Over and over again.

It’s the last thing I remember doing before I fall asleep.


	7. LoK - 7

Disclaimer: I do not own Yuzuru Hanyu. Dammit.

* * *

I wake up abruptly as if someone has screamed in my ear. Clutching my forehead, I groan. My head feels like it’s going to split into two. As I move my legs, I realise that I’m still fully clothed. The heavy blanket on me is making it stiflingly hot. Maybe that’s what woke me up, aside from the chaos in my head and the devil in my mouth. My shirt is twisted almost all the way around my body. Not to mention, a lone arm is flung across my waist.

I face left. And that’s when I see Yuzu with mere inches of air separating us. 

His jet-black hair is splayed across the pillow. There’s a peaceful look on his face with an air of someone finally getting some sleep after a long tiring day. His breathing is steady, his mouth slightly open as he lay on his front, dreaming. 

I’ve been in this situation before and I get a mini heart attack but then I remember that I am still fully dressed and so is he. The lamp is still on and orange light is everywhere. I spy the half-empty water bottle I put on the bedside table but it’s on his side. I prop myself on my elbows and try to reach it but Yuzu stirs just when I wrap my fingers around the bottle. I grab it quickly and down the rest of it.

My throat still feels dry but a little bit better. I put the empty bottle next to me and try to think of how I got into this position. The last thing I remember was him sleeping on my lap… Somehow, somewhere, we ended up in this. 

I try to get up. But Yuzu squirms in annoyance, a crease on his forehead as he whimpers. I take his arm and try to get it off of me but he shifts and whispers, “Oka-san… Onegai… Five minutes.”

I wait for him to settle, a few minutes that felt like hours as I try to fight off cloying arms of sleep. I take his wrist and lift his arm off of me but he moved so fast I forgot to breathe. He pulls, tucking me under his chin. His leg climbs up over mine like I’m nothing but a pillow. I can feel his steady heartbeat, his breath tickles the top of my head. “Mou… Chotto…”

I freeze. 

And I don’t like freezing. I count to ten, take a deep breath and try to escape but he just pulls me in tighter. “Yuki…” He calls my name. I look up, past the column of his neck, past his chin. His eyes are still closed but there’s a small crease on his forehead. “Yuzu?” I ask softly but he doesn’t answer. 

I let out the breath I was holding in—trying to calm my racing heart. Okay. I’m going to count to twenty. And then I’ll try again. 

One.

Two.

Three.

Four.

He’s wearing two necklaces: one with a small round ball and one that looks like an arrowhead. He’s always wearing them yet I always forget to ask what they mean.

Five.

Six. 

He has a mole right where his neck meets his chest. Hmmm. I never noticed that before. 

Seven.

Eight.

Is he… is he snoring? I stifle a gasp as I realise that the sound is coming from him. It’s very faint though.

Nine.

Ten.

Eleven.

The crease on his forehead is gone. Now he just looks like he’s image-training if not for his slightly open mouth and soft snoring..

Twelve.

His lips look really soft.

Thirteen.

They look really soft.

Fourteen.

I wonder… how… No. Stop. 

Fifteen.

Just five more seconds to go. Then…

Sixteen.

I can…

Seventeen.

Leave…

Eighteen.

I do not reach twenty.

* * *

 

There’s pounding in my head like thunder and I fight to keep my eyes shut. But the noise is so loud and I open one blearily. The curtains are drawn and it is hell outside. I realise that the thunder is not in my head. Rain is coming down in torrents but rain does not… sound like that. A clattering against the glass tells me it is hail. Lightning illuminates the sky for a split second and the noise continues.

I groan, clutching my head.

“Ohayo.” A voice greets me from the doorway.

I know that voice. My eyes fly open and I see Yuzu standing in the doorway, a bottle of water in his hand and a mug of what I hope to be is coffee. Please, let it be coffee.

I sit upright so fast the world spins. “Yuzu! What are you doing in my—,“ I look around. Oh. Right. This… is not my room. I am in the middle of his bed, all wrapped up in his blanket. He is standing there, a grin on his face looking as fresh as sunlight. I slap a hand to my forehead in embarrassment. 

But he just laughs. “May I?”

I groan in response and honestly, can the world just open and swallow me whole right now? The bed dips and I peek through my fingers to see him smiling sheepishly. He nudges my hand away with the bottle of water and makes me take it. “Sorry.” He says.

I raise an eyebrow as I drain and cap the bottle close. “For?”

He scratches the back of his head, ruffling his still-damp hair. He’s wearing a blue V-neck shirt with shorts. The sight of his bare knees sends a jolt through my spine—he’s always been in pants… And he’s as pale as ever. 

“For drunk Yuzu. Jason call me. He say you take care of me.” He says. But I shake my head. He hands me the mug and I smell chocolate. I hold it gingerly and he grins. “I have no coffee… Have this only. Careful, is hot.”

The rich chocolatey goodness entices my soul and distracts me and my chaotic thoughts. I inhale it and cannot stop the sigh of appreciation that comes out. I take a sip and moan in satisfaction. “I’ll take this over coffee. You feel better now?”, I ask. He looks crazy alert. Like… How is it that I feel terrible and he looks like he wasn’t even drunk last night?

He laughs in that high-pitched giggle of his, throwing his head back. He gets up to go to the closet and takes out a fluffy towel. He returns to my side and places the towel beside me. “Vitamin juice packs.” He winks, cocking his head to the side. “They very effective.”

I remember those. There were about thirty chilled juice packs in the fridge last night when I got him some water. And that’s not all that I remember. My cheeks start to heat up as I take another sip, trying to hide my face as it all comes rushing back. “Thank you.” I say, gesturing to the hot chocolate.

He grins and nods. “Order lunch outside. You wash and I wait in living room.” With that, he leaves without a second glance back. And I am left in the middle of his bed, looking confused.

* * *

His bathroom is spotless, an array of Japanese products lined on the shelf above the sink. I tame my hair as much as I could in the bathroom, thinking the whole time that I should just go back to my room. With the way he is acting, he doesn’t seem to remember what happened last night. And when I enter the living room, I see him lounging on the couch with his legs crossed and an array of food on the coffee table. I see pancakes and bacon and glasses of orange juice and other covered dishes. He doesn’t see me as he types something on his phone. 

“Yuzu?” I call out, fidgeting. 

He looks up, smiling like sunshine. “Yuki! Let’s eat, neh?” But I shake my head, still holding on to the empty mug. “I should really just go back to my room.” 

He laughs and gets up. He drags me to the couch and pushes me down on it. “As thanks, onegai?” A hand on a slender hip, head tilted to the side, he keeps me rooted to the spot with his gaze but all I can think of is that last night, he whispered ‘onegai’ so much; I can hear it echoing in my ears repeatedly. He is not wearing his Under Armour training gear. But I have had my fill of his narrow waist last night as I half-carried him back to his room. Now, the image and the feel of it is etched in my mind. He looks at me with an almost pouty expression on his face, he repeats. “Onegai, Yuki?”

Saying no to Yuzu is impossible. I find myself nodding as he claps his hands gleefully and hands me a fork, sitting heavily beside me. The pancakes are a bit cold but I don’t mind as I eat slowly. I want to apologise for… staying over. I don’t want him to think that I did it on purpose but he doesn’t say anything as he drops a piece of bacon on my plate.

“Thank you. For last night.” He winks. He eats with one hand, the other typing something on his laptop which is open beside him. He looks a little distracted as he answers an email.

“No worries.” I answer. I take a gulp of orange juice. “How… long have you been… awake?” I ask.

He shrugs. “A few hours. I try to wake you but… you do not want to wake up.” I groan, hiding my face in my hands. But he nudges me with his elbow and laughs. “It is okay.”

“I didn’t mean to… stay. You—“ I look up to his expectant face and stop myself. I can’t… Tell him that he asked me to stay. And that he was on my lap asking for head rubs. I can’t.

“Hai?”

“You were just… I put you to bed and uuhhh… Yeah… I kind of…. Fell asleep…” I finish lamely.

He shrugs. “Is okay.” He insists. “But I am surprise to see you when I wake up.”

“Was I… snoring or something?” I feel like melting into a puddle on the spot. God, I hope I didn’t have drool on my face.

“No. And me?” He’s smirking as he bites on a toast. I shake my head hurriedly.

His phone rings and he raises a finger, telling me to wait. I nod as he gets up off the couch and a stream of Japanese tumbles out of his mouth. I catch ‘oka-san’ and ‘gomen’. His voice fades as he goes into his room. I proceed to eat although I have no appetite, really. And when my plate is clear, I sit there awkwardly, wondering how to say goodbye.

He’s still on the phone, laughing now. I fidget on the couch, uncomfortable. Last night was… surreal. I replay the events in my head over and over: making him drink, his arm around my waist, the feel of his hair in my fingers, his satisfied smile, his stubborn no’s and onegai’s. Fuck all this shit.

I need to get out. I take a deep breath, walls up and boundaries locked into place. I get off the couch and peek into his room. He’s sitting on the edge of the bed, phone tucked between his ear and shoulder. I catch his eye, his eyebrows shooting up his fringe. I am a bundle of nerves as I point towards the front door and mumble a quick thank you.

Before he could say anything else, I hurry out of his room and don’t look back until I am safely inside mine.

* * *

The hot chocolate was good. But I am screaming internally for coffee. So after my lengthy warm bath and as soon as the storm stops, I don my coat and bundle up. I need a walk to clear my head. I need something to distract me from the thoughts of last night. It confuses me that he’s acting all normal and friendly without a hint of awkwardness. Is that how you react when you wake up with your neighbour in your bed?

I mean, come on. If I was him, I would be freaking out.

The sky is dark and gloomy. The wind is picking up and I hold my collar against it. It starts to drizzle when I reach the café. The little bell rings, announcing my arrival and Ted, the barista, looks up when I enter. His face splits into a wide smile as I look around. The place is empty except for a lovesick couple at one end.

The storm resumes as I take my seat and Ted brings over my usual order. “You’re alone today.” He remarks. I take it in both hands and nod. “I wasn’t expecting you today, though. The storm is holding everyone hostage.” He stands in front of me, hugging the tray to his chest.

I sigh. “Yeah, well… I needed the walk. And of course, the coffee.” I say. Ted laughs as he shuffles his feet. I like Ted. He’s nice and friendly and approachable. And maybe, he can help with the chaos in my head. “Uhh, Ted?”, I call out just as he was leaving.

He looks at me over his shoulder, surprise on his face. “Yes, Ms. Yuki?”

I beckon him to come closer. “I need your input… on something.”

He nods and takes a seat on the armchair in front of me. He balances the tray on his lap and looks at me expectantly. “Sure. Is this about your writing?” He laughs at the surprised look on my face. “Sometimes… I hear you and Mr. Yuzuru talk.”

I shake my head, trying not to think about that. “No, no. It’s not about my writing.”

He shrugs. “Oh. Okay. Then… ask away.”

The coffee is warm as I hold it with both hands. I gulp. Ted can provide me some male insights that might quiet down the voices in my head. “So… Uhh… Here goes…” I leave out the names but Ted nods like he knows exactly who I am talking about. I tell him about the almost-kiss. I tell him about bringing the guy back to his room, him asking me to stay in his drunken phase and the head-on-the-lap thing. I tell him about waking up, the lunch, the easy smile and the non-awkwardness. It doesn’t take long for me to ramble on while Ted looks on, nodding at me sympathetically. When I finish, I am almost out of breath and Ted is studying me carefully.

“And you are confused as to why he is so casual with you?” He asks.

I nod, leaning backwards in my chair. “Yes. Of course, yes. What do you think?”

Ted shrugs. “Well… I guess he feels safe around you.” I’m sure I don’t look convinced because he laughs. “I mean, he treats you like a friend, that’s why he’s not as awkward as you expected him to be. But you…” He pointed a finger at me, “You like him.”

I scoff, almost spilling my coffee as I choke on it. “No.”

Now Ted is the one who doesn’t look convinced. “Oh come on. Mr. Yuzuru is hot, handsome, sexy and I cannot blame you if you do.” He raises an eyebrow as I stare at him with my mouth open. “Don’t you deny now, Ms. Yuki. Don’t.”

I roll my eyes and cross my arms. Who knew that I’ll be admitting to this today of all days. But Ted is not finished, “It’s kind of obvious.” I purse my lips, staring at the rim of my coffee mug. “Fuck.” I whisper.

Ted shakes his head. “And you’re not sure if he likes you too. That’s why you’re freaking out.”

“You’re fucking psychic.” I whisper almost harshly as he puts into words the things I’ve been thinking about exactly. I nod grudgingly.

“Well… Mr. Yuzuru has been here a lot. But you’re the only one he hangs out with for long periods of time. It’s been what, a week? I’m pretty sure he’s comfortable and feels safe around you. He considers you a good friend.”

“Do you think… he knows?” I ask in a small voice. I feel like there’s a lump in my throat. Yes. I do have a crush on him, Ted.

He shrugs. “Well… I don’t think so. It’s just obvious to me because it… comes with the job.” He points to his apron and I cannot help but laugh at his humour. “I think you’re safe.”

I sigh in relief. “Okay. Great. Thanks, Ted.”

Ted stands up, smiling. “Anything else you need? A refill?”

I nod as I stare off into space.

“Word of advice, Ms. Yuki.” Ted says from beside me. I look up at him as he raises his eyebrows at me. “Don’t overthink. Just… take it all in. Mr. Yuzuru has been nothing but kind from what I’ve seen. And he’s lucky to have you as a friend.” Then he leaves me to my thoughts as I absorb what he just said.

* * *

The sky is darker and Ted comes over to tell me that they’re closing up a little early because of the storm. He offers me a ride back to the hotel after he cleans up but I refuse, slightly embarrassed at our little talk earlier. I leave with a much clearer head. But as I walk the familiar path back to the hotel, the wind picks up and like a switch has turned on, the rain starts to fall. 

It doesn’t even give me a second to find an awning to stay under as I run through puddles. Clutching my coat tight against my body, I am soaked to the  skin as I curse at myself for being stupid. I look up at the angry clouds overhead just as the wind howls again. Every other store seems to be closed and there is no one in the streets except for the passing car, threatening to splash me with even more water. I jog in place in an effort to keep warm but my feet squelch uncomfortably in my shoes. My hair is plastered to my head and I start to shiver. 

This is no good. I can’t stay here.

I think about it. The hotel is about… two blocks away. If I run for it, I can make it. My breath mists in front of me as I secure my jacket’s zipper up to my chin. I stuff my hands in my pockets and take a deep breath. 

My only thoughts while running are _don’t slip don’t slip don’t fucking slip_. Miraculously enough, I don’t. It seems like forever as I pass by closed storefronts and when I enter the hotel lobby, it is empty. Even William is not at his desk. Good. No one will see the little wet person dripping and squelching her way to the elevator as I tremble in the cold. With shaking fingers, I press the button for my floor and rub my hands together. I am desperate for a soak in my bathroom as I hurriedly tap my keycard with chattering teeth.

The scene that unfolds before me is pure chaos. It takes me a full five seconds to absorb what is happening as the curtains fly and even more water splashes me in the face. I run towards the windows, cursing out loudly as I drag it close. The steady drip-drip-drip of the water from the curtains sounds like a death sentence as I survey the mess.

My suitcase that was wide open beside my bed—yes, I am too lazy to hang stuff in the closet, is full of water to the brim. All my clothes are wet—all of them. I walk over to the bed and lay a hand flat on the duvet. I press. Water comes out from between my fingers and I groan. The mattress is soaking too. The carpet squeaks when I step on it and I hurry to my desk where my laptop and phone are.

Thankfully, they survived the storm with just a few droplets. There is a small voice in my head saying something about a hairdryer. But I shut it up. This is not something a hair dryer can fix. My mind is reeling. I take a deep breath and take off my coat. I pick up the phone, hoping that William is back at his desk. 

William promises to come up as soon as he can with maintenance. I grab a towel from the bathroom and wrap it around myself. I have nothing else to wear as I try furiously to brush my hair into something at least presentable. Soon, there is a knock on the door and I rush to open it. 

“Ms. Gallego! What… happened…?” William’s voice fades as he steps into the chaos. 

“I… left the window open after my bath. The rain stopped and I thought it was over—“ I explain. But William shakes his head. He gestures to two men waiting outside the room. He looks at me sympathetically and seems to be thinking about it. “We can… dry your room. But the earliest you can come back is maybe tomorrow. We do not keep… extra mattresses.” He purses his lips, “Let’s get you another room in the meantime. I’ll get back to you in a few minutes while I check downstairs.” 

I nod, pulling the towel closer to me. I am still cold and I want a hot bath. 

William looks at me and taps my arm. “I’ll be back with more towels for you. In the meantime, do you have…” He looks at my open suitcase mimicking a mini pond. “Hmmm… I’ll get those off to dry-clean, yes?”

I sigh in relief. “Yes. Please. Thank you, William.”

“And I’ll get you something to wear from the gift shop.” With that, William leaves as the maintenance people strip the mattress and stuff the wet bedsheets into plastic bags.

“I’m sorry about this…” I mumble as I take one bag and stuff my clothes into it too. But they just laugh and shake their heads. “Not a problem, Miss.” I help them haul the heavy bags to the hallway and stand, keeping watch as they pull up the mattress. I blend myself with the wall when a voice, all too familiar, speaks up from the doorway.

“Yuki?” I look up to see Yuzu, his head peeking over the side with his eyes wide open. “What happen?” He lets the men pass as they drag the heavy mattress outside. He steps inside, scanning the room with eyebrows raised.

I groan. “I left the window open after my bath. And then I left to go to the… café. And when I came back—this. Chaos.”

Not to my surprise, he tries to stifle his laughter with the back of his hand. I slap him playfully across the arm as he yelps and dodges my attacks. “You are very lucky.” He teases. He’s totally laughing at my predicament and I cannot help but laugh along with him. Just, the absurdity of it all is too much. The storm, the window, my room? What are the chances?

“Ms. Gallego?” William is back and I turn to him hopefully. But I can tell that it’s bad news from his expression. “There are no… available rooms tonight. But there will be one in the morning.”

My face falls. Ugh. Just my luck. Yuzu is still sniggering beside me and I nudge him with my elbow. “Uhmm… What do we do?” I ask lamely.

“You can stay with me. I have extra room.” Yuzu interrupts. My heart skips a beat as I look at him. He’s grinning. “Just for one night.” He says with his hands deep inside his pockets.

“Would that be all right, Mr. Hanyu?” William asks, obviously relieved.

“Yes. We are friends.” Yuzu returns my nudge with his elbow and I just stand there as they decide my fate.

William claps his hands and smiles. “That’s settled then. Tomorrow, we will have your room warm and dry for you again, Ms. Gallego.” Before I can say anything else, he hands me the towels and I spy a packaged shirt stamped with the Mapleleaf logo in front.

“You don’t have to do this.” I tell Yuzu. But he shrugs and prods my forehead with his finger, “Is… payback?”

“Ahh but you paid me with lunch remember?”

Instead of answering, he grins at me with this adorable aloofness that only he can pull off. He looks around my room and takes my laptop, my notebook and my phone in his arms. With the same playful grin, he laughs as I follow him outside to the hallway where he fishes for his own keycard. He nudges me to go in first and closes the door behind him.

“Lunch—not enough.” He explains, putting my stuff down.

“But, Yuzu—“

He plants his hands on his waist and tries his hardest to look at me sternly. But the naughty glint in his eye does not go away. “Your room is wet. You…” He looks at me from head to toe, “—have nowhere to go. What you going to do? Sleep in lounge?” He challenges me. I stifle a giggle as his eyebrow twitches. “This is okay, Yuki.” He splits into a grin and takes my wrist. He pulls me to the bathroom. “You can use everything is there. When you are finish, I have room ready.” He pushes me inside and closes the door in front of me with a wink.

This boy… is so used to getting his own way, I didn’t even have much time to react. And I stand there in the middle of his bathroom, wondering how I ended up here again.

* * *

Dressed like a walking advertisement for Mapleleaf, I come out warm and dry to a pair of fluffy slippers by the door. I slip them on and go out into the living room slowly. Yuzu is nowhere to be seen but I can hear some thuds and noises from a room that I never really paid attention to before. The door is wide open and I look inside to see Yuzu wrestling with a bedsheet. 

His hair is sticking up in all directions as he snaps the last corner of the covers into place. With hands on his hips, he surveys his work and places two pillows at one end. “If ever you stop figure skating, you can become a hotel staff.” I comment.

He looks up, a little bit surprised, but laughs. “Why not? I like many choices.” He spreads his arms. “Well, here you can sleep.”

I enter. The room is nicely decorated in pastel colours. My laptop, notebook, and phone are on the desk. There are some framed photographs on a shelf above the bed and I tiptoe as I look up at them. One has an extremely familiar face smiling at the camera. “Is that… you with a mushroom haircut?”

“No laughing at my hair.” He raises an eyebrow at me.

There are other pictures and I see him holding a balloon with short shorts. There is one with a girl in pigtails. They’re standing in the middle of an ice rink. “That is onee-chan, Saya.” He says as he follows my line of sight.

“Was this your mother’s room?” I know I didn’t have to ask. But he nods. I turn on the spot and look up at him. “Arigatou.” I give him a small bow as he beams. It always makes him smile when I try to repeat Japanese words back at him.

“Oh, please. That was one word.” I roll my eyes as he laughs. “But seriously, thank you. If it’s not for you, I’d be sleeping in the lounge.”

He shrugs. “Think this way. I help you and when I… need help, you help me.” He ruffles my hair with his hands and leaves the room. “Food?” He calls over his shoulder.

I don’t follow him immediately as I take a deep breath. I remember what Ted told me: Do not overthink. Just take it all in. And he’s right. If Yuzu sees me as a friend, I’m lucky. Because even though this crush is one-sided, at least I get to be near and spend time with him.

“Yuki?” He calls from outside.

“Hai!” I say aloud. I hang the towel on the back of a chair and follow the voice that is right now, making my heart beat faster.

* * *

Yuzu is sitting beside me on the couch with his laptop balanced on his knees. There’s a crease on his forehead as his face is illuminated by the screen’s brightness. He’s taking his online class now and has been for the past two hours. If I peek, I see the front of a classroom with a woman drawing graphs and symbols on the whiteboard. He scribbles on his notebook while he listens.

I told him he could go study in his room but he insisted on keeping me company here in the living room as I watched random movies on Netflix. I thought I was at peace with myself now but my nervousness creeps up on me at random times. I am actually feeling very sleepy but I kind of feel obligated to stay awake until he goes to his room. 

Finally, he takes off his headphones and closes the lid. He sighs, stretching his back and his waist this way and that. He grins. “Done with class.”

“I don’t know how you do it.” I say. “I’d be so bored if I have to listen to someone who is a thousand miles away drone on and on.”

“That is why I do it here. You help me stay… awake.” He grins as he closes his notebook. “You make funny face when kaijū is show.” He points to the TV where the zombies are running around. 

Clearly, he is making fun of me. But the truth as to why I chose a horror movie is to keep me awake. “You’re so funny.” I roll my eyes at him. “So… Bed?”

He shakes his head. “Not sleepy.”

I shrug. The living room is dark except for the big screen in front of us providing light. I feel a yawn but I shake my head. “Wanna watch something?” I hand him the remote and pull the blanket around me. He props his toe socks on the coffee table and nods. “I change, is okay?” He chooses a Marvel movie and sets the subtitles to Japanese. It’s one that I have seen before but I do not mind watching again. 

A few minutes in and I’m already bored. But when I sneak glances at him, I see his half-open mouth and his long eyelashes. He chuckles at the funny parts and I will myself to look away. “Don’t you have training tomorrow?” I ask out of the blue. 

This distracts him and he nods. “Hai.”

“Shouldn’t you be sleeping then?” I ask. 

He tilts his head adorably. “Hai, Oka-san.” Oh, he did not just call me his mother. I hit his arm and he laughs. “Gomen. But you come with me, neh?” He adds.

“Huh?” For a second there I thought that he’s inviting me to bed with him.

“You say to Zhenya you go see her.” He clarifies.

Ahhh… It seems like it’s been a long time since we hung out but it was just actually last night. “Oh. Yes. I did that. What… time?” I am hoping that my clothes will be ready by then or else I’ll have nothing to wear.

“Maybe I wake you up.” He says with a smile. “You know… you must sleep. You had long day.”

I pull a face. “I woke up at noon, Yuzu.” I don’t think he needs reminding as he clutches his stomach, laughing. He has this cute laugh that sounds almost like he’s chocking. “Ohhh shut up.” I flick him with the end of the blanket and he catches his breath to calm down.

Yuzu was right. Of course he is. I did have a long day. And I am tired. I feel like I’ve been in a rollercoaster ever since the training camp yesterday and I just got off. I relax against the couch, our knees almost touching. He has his chin propped up on a hand and his hair shines in the television light.

I can’t help it. I really can’t. My view gravitates towards him naturally.

He really is beautiful.

* * *

I wake up with another splitting headache. Two headaches in a row are not good. I feel warm and I’m sweating under blanket. I’m pretty sure I am sick. My throat burns and there is a dull pounding inside my skull as I sit up. 

A blanket falls to my waist. And I look around to see that I’ve fallen asleep on the couch. The sky is still gloomy outside but it’s no longer raining. I rub at my eyes and spot a note on the coffee table under what looks like an ID card. I pick it up to see a messy scrawl on it: _Ohayo, Yuki. Not want wake you. I am training. ID is for get in. Order food for you in kitchen. Eat before going. Yuzu._ I smile at myself as I read it in his voice.

I get off the couch and make my way towards the kitchen where the covered dishes are on the table. He ordered pancakes and bacon again and I muse at his powers of observation. I must be overthinking but I’m sure I have eaten enough pancakes in front of him for him to find out that these are my favourite. I stick the plate into the microwave and find a packet of instant coffee on the table too. It has the hotel’s logo on it and I sigh loudly in relief as I dump the contents into a mug I find from one of the cabinets.

Breakfast was quick and I do not forget to wash the dishes. I am still feeling a little bit light-headed but I called William and he brought me some of my clothes. I greeted him in my Mapleleaf endorsement wear and he laughed when I joked about becoming one of their advertisers. He said that my room will be ready by noon at the earliest.

I get dressed warmly. The sky is still gloomy but when I check the weather forecast, rain is not expected until this evening. I stuff the ID card in my pocket and make my way towards TCC.

Eric seems to remember me but he checks my ID card just the same. There seems to be a lot more people today since training has resumed. Through the glass windows of the lounge, I see a familiar black-clad figure zooming around the ice in breathtaking speed. I follow the familiar path to the rink and bump into a familiar group of teenage girls.

“Are you looking for someone?” One of them stops me. She has long blonde hair and bright blue eyes and she must be… sixteen? Seventeen?

“Yes. I am here for Yuzuru Hanyu.” I say with a smile.

But all I see around me are raised eyebrows and crossed arms. The leader, with a hand still on my arm, purses her lips. “Tut-tut. Sorry. Fans are not allowed inside TCC.”

I gently remove her hand from my arm and in my sweetest voice, summon all my patience. “He invited me here.” I say confidently. They look shocked. One of them literally gasps and I take this as my chance to escape. “Bye!” I call over my shoulder as I push open the double doors and a rush of coldness hits me. I look around to see a woman with short blonde hair talking loudly. “That’s it, Zhenya. Just a little bit more speed into that—“

I follow her line of sight to see my Russian baby doll with a fierce look of concentration on her face. She’s skating backwards, gets into position—I must have blinked because she does this toe-thing with her skate and she jumps. She lands perfectly graceful with a smile on her face.

The woman who is coaching her claps. “Yes!” She calls out appreciatively. I cannot help but join in the clapping. When Zhenya hears it, she erupts into a grin. “Yuki!!!” She almost screams. She skates towards me in long strides and I catch her in a hug. “You came!”

“I promised you, didn’t I?” I say. Zhenya, all giddy, grabs me by the arm and pulls me over to the woman. “Tracy, this is Yuki. Yuki, this is Tracy. She’s one of our coaches here.”

Tracy is motherly and she smiles at me warmly as she shakes my hand. “Very nice to meet you, Yuki. You are also Japanese?”

I nod. “Half, actually. Nice to meet you too.”

“Are you also a skater?” She asks.

I shake my head, “Oh no. I’m just here because—“

“Mama, she’s the one I told you about. Remember?” Zhenya’s eyebrows are shooting up into her hairline as she tries to mime whatever it is she is trying to say. Tracy laughs. “Ohhh. Then please, sit and enjoy. It can be quite cold in here so don’t take off your coat.”

I nod as Zhenya leads me to the bench. I can see Yuzu’s luggage underneath one spot and his black and gold sneakers beside it. “Stay here. And if you have comments, tell me afterwards. Okay?” Zhenya says. Tracy says it's cold but Zhenya is sweating a lot. She’s wearing only a sports bra and damn, I wish I looked _that_ good. I nod repeatedly. “Want me to take notes too?” I ask her with a smile.

She sticks her tongue out at me. “You must improve your FS knowledge before we get to that level.” She winks and is back on the ice. I know I am supposed to be watching Zhenya and her moves but I scan the crowd. Well, it’s not much of a crowd. Maybe five or six.

There’s Jason at the corner of the rink doing a spin. There’s another girl whom I immediately tag as ‘Gabby’. Zhenya mentioned her before when we met.  She has intense makeup on that I can never pull off. She’s doing laps of the rink. There is another guy, very familiar with thicker and longer hair. He’s practicing a jump that kind of looks like a toe jump. And then, there he is.

He’s the first one I see, really. I catch his eye when he skates past but he doesn’t stop. He gives me a small wave and a smile that is infinitely better than coffee. I wave back as he glides across the ice with just a few strokes. I pay attention again to Zhenya who is grinning at me from afar.

Watching practice is certainly very entertaining. Jason stops by to say hi to me every now and then. He introduces me to Jun, a Korean who towers over me even more than Jason does. He shakes my hand as he shakes his long hair out of his face. He looks very much like the mushroom Yuzu I saw last night. He also introduces me to Gabby who is fabulous and smells like a candy shop. She tosses her long black ponytail over her shoulder and flashes me her perfect teeth.

Tracy comes by to chat when she’s not skating along with Zhenya. She fixes the bend of the knee, the turn of the hand, the edge of the skate. I can tell that Zhenya is good but sometimes, her landings are wobbly and her hand position seems wrong. Tracy is quick to fix that. I admire their chemistry together and I do not realise it when Yuzu drops on the bench beside me.

“Did you eat?” He asks. Beads of sweat dot his forehead and his hair looks damp with it. He is gasping for air as he rests his elbows on his knees and slips on his skate guards. When I came in, he had his plain black jacket still on. He’s long since removed it to reveal his training gear with short sleeves.

“Thank you for breakfast. You shouldn’t have. There’s a buffet downstairs, remember?” I tell him.

But he grins, still catching his breath. “Is okay. Is the same. Zhenya ask you go to café later with everyone. You go?” He asks. He grabs a towel and wipes his face with it.

I shrug. “Is… everyone going? I mean, are you?”

He raises an eyebrow as he tilts his head. “Maybe yes. Maybe no.” He purses his lips and his dimple is showing again. He makes me smile as I nod. “Maybe if the weather is not that bad anymore?” I suggest. He laughs and agrees with me. “Okay. We go if is not raining.”

At this moment, Tracy comes up and calls for Yuzu. “Can you check Jason’s axel?” Yuzu nods once, his lips a thin line. “Sure.” He looks at me and scrunches his nose. “I come back.” He takes off his guards again and goes back on the ice towards where Jason is counting something with his fingers. They talk for a while, Yuzu pointing to himself, to a spot on the ice, then back to himself. I watch him demonstrate what Tracy called an ‘axel’ and all I can say is that… he flies. I see now why Tracy asked him to help Jason, why Zhenya asked him to fix her ‘lutz’.

I don’t have to know much about figure skating to know that was a huge jump. I see Jun and Jason do the same but theirs are smaller in distance and height. Yuzu’s is… beyond those. From all the jumps I’ve seen today, this is my favourite one. It’s the only one where he takes off forward and there is a delay before he tucks his arms in and spins impossibly fast. Then he lands with a sharp crunch on the ice, as graceful as a ballerina with his free leg extended behind him and his arms spread wide. Effortless. Like it was no big deal.

He stands out. Yuzu stands out. With all these skaters around him, I can tell that no one is near his level. Jason might be in terms of how flexible and graceful his body is but in terms of technicality, Yuzu’s spins are better, more solid. His jumps are faster, has more flow going in and out. With Yuzu’s build, he has longer limbs and more reach. His physique gives him an edge and he knows how to use it. He knows how to use his arms to get a better illusion. His legs go on and on and on, always moving, always doing something, never stopping. Jun has potential. But he has a long way to go to get near Yuzu.

I do not need FS knowledge to tell me that Yuzu is perfect with his skating. He has the power to demand your attention and make you look at him. This I already know from the first time I saw him skate. I can tell that he’s not just a normal skater like he says. I remember Jason telling me that Yuzu has fans everywhere, more than a lot. And by the way I was almost stopped earlier, he is more than famous. He is more than what he led me to believe. I am not stupid. I’ve seen him in a group. The stark contrast between his skills and the others is vast and immense. I refuse to believe that Jason and Jun are novices too.

Jason asks Yuzu to do it again. He gets into position and he lands another massive axel right in front of me.

Jason claps, Zhenya and Gabby too. Jun is just watching in awe. Tracy looks at all of them fondly.

And here I am, wondering who the hell Yuzuru Hanyu is.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To Nhi. For uncovering all my typos and errors. <3 I lub u.


	8. LoK - 8

Disclaimer: Yuzuru Hanyu does not belong to me. And that is a crime in itself.

* * *

 

It is still raining after their training and Jason agrees to lend his apartment the second time for our gathering. Tracy waves us out of the rink as I follow Zhenya to the dressing room to help her out of her training gear. I peel it off her skin as she takes a long drink. There are some other girls in the dressing room and they give me long looks, most probably wondering who I am. I get a lot of funny looks in TCC. I get why though. This is an exclusive club and seeing someone appear out of nowhere, getting chummy with the elite skaters, would be a little confusing for anyone really. So when they leave, I take a deep breath and finally relax.

Also, this is it. This is my chance. I need to know who Yuzuru Hanyu is. I need to know why he is so good at skating and why people look up to him. But I can’t bring myself to ask Zhenya about it. My fingers halt as I pull her ponytail from the confines of her shirt. She looks around at me, “Yuki?”

My eyes snap up to her face. “Hm?” I grunt.

She looks worried as she grabs her hair and does it herself. She takes my hand in hers. “What’s wrong?” I shake my head. No. I promised that I wouldn’t do this. Still, curiosity has its hold on me and I am dying to know. Zhenya looks at me with her big brown eyes and perfect nose. She licks her lips. “Do you feel okay?”

I force myself to smile. “Yes. Sorry, I spaced out.”

But Zhenya doesn’t seem convinced as she presses on the back of my hand with her thumb. “What’s up? Come on, tell me.”

I take a deep breath, still shaking my head. “It’s okay, Zhenya. I’m just a little bit tired.”

“Tired?” Boy, this girl does not give up easily.

“Uhhmm. Yesterday, I got caught in the rain and then my room got wet.” I explain. I leave out the part where Yuzu adopted me for a night.

Zhenya looks at me worriedly, pressing a hand to my forehead. “You’re a little bit warm though. You can skip the get-together tonight, you know.”

I shrug. “It’s okay. I’ll come. Just no drinking,” I say with a smile.

But Zhenya grins with a naughty glint in her eye, “Maybe on the weekend.” She winks and giggles. “But I kind of zoned out. I didn’t get to see you leave last time. Jason said you took Yuzu home?” I help her fold her discarded clothes and she places them in her bag.

I nod. “Oh yes. He got a little drunk.” Zhenya laughs at this information, slapping her thigh with her hand, “Drunk Yuzu is fun Yuzu. I had to have my Mom pick me up though because of the rain the next day. Which reminds me, what’s your number?” She hands me her phone. I type in my number quickly and she smiles at me as she saves it, “Are you sure you’re okay though? Nothing bothering you?” She asks again.

I shrug and sigh. No. I can’t do this after promising Yuzu. I shake the nagging thought away. “Yes,” I say, more to myself than to her. She looks at me calculatingly. I hold my breath as I see her eyebrows meet together in the middle. Finally, she shrugs and nods. “Are you sure? But you know you can tell me, right?”

I force myself to smile. The image of Yuzu landing that massive axel is still fresh in my mind along with their awestruck faces. The look of fondness on Tracy was so motherly and nurturing that it bothers me because she doesn’t even seem surprised. And why would she if she was already expecting it? I look at Zhenya’s curious face and nod again. “Yes, I’m sure. Thank you.”

She grins and grabs my hand. “Well, come on. Let’s go do this thing.”

* * *

 

Going back to the hotel, I am quiet. But not overly so. The rain doesn’t let us talk anyway as we huddle under umbrellas. Jason and I share one as he takes me under his wing. Yuzu leads the way with Zhenya following closely behind. Luckily, William greets me with a smile from the reception, signalling good news. I am more than happy to let Zhenya take a shower in my room when she asks. Jason joins us in the elevator, yapping away about his brothers to Zhenya. Apparently, he and his brothers are planning a vacation in Slovenia for during off-season. I haven’t been to that part of Europe yet and do not feel the inclination to join their conversation.

Yuzu and I stand next to each other. He gives me a little smile. “How was training?” I ask him.

He shrugs. “Is okay. Better than before.” He runs his hand through his hair that is damp with rain. “Also fun,” He grins at me.

Jason leaves first. Zhenya, Yuzu and I get off at the next floor. We wave bye to Yuzu who promises to go to the get-together afterwards. I open the door to my room and Zhenya follows closely behind. I see that my clothes were folded on the edge of my bed and I sigh in relief. I point Zhenya to the direction of the bathroom and she bounces off towards it. Finally, I am left with a tiny bit of peace.

My head is spinning and I am definitely feeling a little too warm. So instead of cleaning up, I plop myself in the middle of my bed and try to keep my mind blank. I am just about to fall into a quick nap when I hear Zhenya come out of the bathroom.

“Why are all your clothes outside?” Zhenya asks curiously. She’s towelling her long hair dry as she looks at me curiously. I sit up, “Oh. They just came from the laundry.” I explain. I start taking the folded clothes and putting them inside the closet. She nods as she grabs some clothes from her duffel bag. She goes back into the bathroom and soon the hairdryer starts. I finish arranging my clothes in the closet when finally, Zhenya comes out of the bathroom clean and fresh. She beams at me. “Thank you for letting me use your bathroom.”

“Anytime,” I say with a smile. She flops on the edge of my bed, looking around. There’s a curious look on her face as she stares at me. “Yesterday, you said your room is wet…Then, where did you sleep?” Zhenya asks.

I am surprised by her question. Okay. Not really. It’s a fair one. One that is to be expected. I don’t really know how to answer but I still think honesty is the best way to go. But I try to play it nonchalantly. I shrug, “Oh. Yuzu lent me his couch.”

Zhenya looks at me with wide eyes and I wait with bated breath for her reaction. A few seconds passed like it was minutes or maybe hours. Finally, she exhales and nods, “Oh. That’s… nice of him.”

“Yes. I am really grateful. He just sort of heard all the commotion as the maintenance pulled the mattress and everything…” I explain lamely.

Zhenya plays with the end of her hair, twisting around her finger. She’s still looking at me curiously, like she wants to say something. But before she could, the doorbell rings and I know it’s Yuzu. We both jump to our feet and I open the door to see Yuzu, all fresh and damp from his shower. He’s dressed casually in a red knitted sweater that looks soft to touch with dark pants and shoes. He grins at Zhenya and me, “Ready?”

Zhenya is giggling behind me as she pushes me out of the door. “I’ve never seen Yuzu this excited about a get-together,” She teases. Yuzu just chuckles and does not say another word as we all pile into the elevator. His damp hair bounces and I look away.

* * *

 

Jason’s flat always smells like food, good food. He greets us with a smile, saying that he’s preparing curry the Japanese way. He looks warily at Yuzu who gives him several nods, “Curry always good.” Jason beams as he gets approval from the Japanese man himself and we all troop into his living room to see Jun sprawled on the couch, flipping through channels. Zhenya makes him move and Yuzu insists that I take the seat. But I shake my head as I join Zhenya on her little fort.

“Is Gabby coming?” Zhenya asks.

Jun shrugs, “She said she will but a little late. She’s joining hip-hop classes today.” He finally settles on a movie on Netflix and Zhenya relaxes against my shoulder as the opening credits roll in. Yuzu and Jun discuss something behind us in hushed voices as Jason bangs pots and pans in the kitchen.

A few minutes into the movie though, Yuzu suddenly stands up. Zhenya gets up with a yelp as he pats his pockets, a look of confusion and worry on his face. Jun pauses the movie while we wait for him to say something.

“No phone,” He answers my inquiring look. Jason comes into the room bearing plates of sliced apples. “You left it in your room? Or at TCC?”

Yuzu shrugs as he checks his pockets one last time, “I dunno.”

Jason fishes out his keycard from his pocket, “Go check it then.” He hands Yuzu the keycard and Zhenya sits up. She offers to call his phone but a few rings into it, we hear nothing. Yuzu now has a crease between his forehead. “Want us to go look for it with you?” Zhenya asks. But Yuzu shakes his head, “No, is okay. You watch. I go look.”

He leaves, looking back one last time with a worried look. When he closes the door behind him, Zhenya settles back down on my shoulder and Jun plays the movie again. I nibble on an apple slice, watching intently when there’s a loud ringing in the air. Zhenya sighs and takes out her phone.

For the second time, Jun pauses the movie while Zhenya answers the phone in rapid Russian. She gives us a look to wait. Jun and I nod as she leaves the living room and sneaks off to Jason’s room to talk to her mother.

I look over at Jun and his floppy hair falls on his forehead. It reminds me so much of how much Yuzu’s does but Jun’s hair is thicker and longer, almost wavy. He smiles at me, “So how is Canada?”

I haven’t met Jun before but I can tell he’s nice and bubbly. I shrug, “It wouldn’t be my first choice as a vacation spot but so far, it’s going well.”

He laughs. “But it’s good that Yuzu has a friend from home visiting.”

It dawns on me that Jun doesn’t know, “Oh. Uhmm, I just met Yuzu last week. He helped me when I arrived because I kind of… sprained my ankle in front of him.”

Jun looks at me, wide-eyed. “Ahhh… I thought you were his friend from Japan, maybe back in school. I’m sorry about that.”

“It’s okay. What’s important is… we’re friends now,” I say.

Jun nods, “Yeah. I’m really lucky to be here. TCC is one of my top choices and to be close to Yuzu is a blessing.”

I thought I’ve already let it go. But of course not, “To be close to Yuzu?” My voice trails off at the end and Jun nods excitedly.

“Yes! I was still a junior but I looooove his Hope & Legacy program! Also—“

“I’ve seen that!” I remember that one, the blue and green costume. It sparked feelings in me that I’ve never felt before. “It’s wonderful,” I gush.

Jun raises his eyebrows, “BUT SEIMEI.” He says clearly.

“Sei…Seimei?” I ask. This one doesn’t ring a bell. I only know the Romeo & Juliet piece and Hope & Legacy. My lack of knowledge about Yuzu is broadening and now, all the curiosity is back in full gear.

Jun sighs exasperatedly. “YES! Seimei! Don’t tell you haven’t seen it before?!” Without another word, he grabs the remote and switches to the Youtube app on Jason’s TV. He searches for ‘Yuzuru Hanyu Pyeongchang’ and a list of results comes up. I see thumbnails of him in a purple costume, one in a blue silk shirt, another in ethereal white with feathers and jewels. Before I can take a closer look, Jun clicks on the first one. I see a glimpse of the title: ‘Yuzuru Hanyu (JPN) - Gold Medal | Men’s Figure Skating | Free Programme | Pyeongchang 2018.’

Gold Medal?

The Olympics?

2018?

He’s wearing his hair different and an interesting costume with gold swirls and an inner purple lining. He looks like an old Japanese warlord or something. He looks fierce and confident, determined. His name flashes at the bottom of the screen with his flag and his current score: Short Program 1 111.68.

Jun’s excited voice fades into the background as Yuzu twirls a few times on the ice, makes a gesture across his shoulders and waist, and then takes a deep breath. The music starts and I am mesmerised.

As always, I am left speechless. Jun sees the awe in me as he laughs after Yuzu’s performance on the screen. He’s screaming happily with his arms spread wide. Hundreds of Pooh bears, flowers, and gifts rain down from the crowd. He bends down and clutches at his right ankle. Then he takes a bow, then another, and another and before he can continue, Jun stops the video.

“So?” He looks at me inquiringly.

I look back at Jun. My heart is thumping loud, “Gold medal?”

Jun laughs, “Yuzu without a gold medal feels wrong.”

I swallow the lump in my throat and look at Jun, gesturing to the screen. “Yuzu won the Olympics?”

Jun nods, obviously surprised. “Yuki, come up here.” He taps the empty spot on the couch beside him and I take a seat. He pulls out his phone and taps on the screen quickly. “Yuzu IS double Olympic Champion. He’s the only one who’s done it since 1950-something…”

It’s hard to imagine my fluffy Japanese boy, asking for his head rubs, as double Olympic Champion. But if I think hard, no. It’s not that hard. No. I take it back. The way he skates proves otherwise. Jun finishes tapping into his phone and hands it to me, “There. Look.”

I look at the iPhone screen. He has his own Wikipedia page. I brace myself and take a deep breath. I start to read and I am slapped in the face with his list of accomplishments:

**_Yuzuru Hanyu (_ ** **羽生結弦** **_Hanyū Yuzuru, born December 7, 1994) is a Japanese figure skater who competes in the men's singles discipline. He is a two-time Olympic champion (2014, 2018), a two-time World champion (2014, 2017), a four-time Grand Prix Final champion (2013–2016), a three-time Four Continents silver medalist (2011, 2013, 2017), the 2010 World Junior champion, the 2009–10 Junior Grand Prix Final champion, and a four-time Japanese national champion (2012–2015). He has also medaled at four other World Championships, taking bronze in 2012, and silver in 2015, and 2016._ **

It’s a mouthful. I don’t even understand half of the titles but I can make sense of them. Two-time Olympic Champion? Two-time World Champion? Grand Prix Final? Japanese National Champion? That's a lot of champions right there. I feel a little dizzy as I reread the first paragraph again. This is just too much, all too much. I scroll down and see the different sections: Career, Seasons, Techniques and Coaches. I devour all the information as I read fast, slightly ignoring Jun who is going on and on about Yuzu’s unparalleled ease when he’s skating.

I stop a little bit at the public life section where it says that he has a number of commercials and advertisement campaigns. I read through his Awards & Honors straight to his World Records.

He has fucking World Records and some others listed under ‘Historical’. It’s longer than my fucking resume. There are tables, names, pictures, detailed results, everything. Fuck. Fuck it all. The Yuzuru Hanyu I am reading about feels like a whole other person. These explain the admiration of his fellow skaters and his coaches. These explain the several boxes of fan mail, the shying away from public places and the ogling looks from other girls. I picture his dark hair, dark eyes, his dimple and his easy smile and add that to the way he moves across the ice—perfect.

I knew it.

“Yuki?” Jun calls me. I look up at him. I feel like I’ve just run a marathon and I am out of breath. “You okay?” He asks.

I nod, “Yes. I’m okay.”

“Good. Honestly, Yuki. Yuzu’s name is everywhere in TCC,” Jun says in a know-it-all voice.

“Everywhere?”

He nods, his thick hair bouncing, “Yeah! Have you seen the plaques up on the… wall above the benches?” I remember them vaguely from the training camp. But I never really paid attention. I was too focused not falling on my ass instead of ogling at plaques on walls. I shrug.

“On the left side, you have the Olympics medalists. On the right, the Worlds Medalists,” Jun explains. “His name is up there four times. Well, three times actually. Because both his Worlds titles are on the same plaque.” He spreads his hands in the air, “Yuzuru Hanyu Gold 2014 and 201—”

“Jun?” Yuzu’s voice interrupts Jun’s enthusiasm. We both turn towards the front door where Yuzu is looking at us with wide eyes. His eyes flit from us to the screen where his Pyeongchang video is still paused then back to us.

“Yuzu! I was just showing Yuki your Seimei! I can’t believe she hasn’t seen it ye—“ Jun stops mid-sentence at the crease forming on Yuzu’s forehead. He approaches us slowly. He stops behind the couch, hands on the backrest, looking down at me.

I look up at him in this new light. The drunk Yuzu, the Yuzu that I ate lunch with, the Yuzu I’ve had breakfasts with, all those other Yuzu’s… They are all drowned out by the Yuzuru Hanyu in front of me, backed up by his Wikipedia page with the word ‘champion’ echoing around us. Every single day we spent together, I had this feeling that we are getting to know each other a little bit more. But now, I feel like all of that has gone to waste.

“You’re double Olympic Champion?” I ask in a small voice.

He does not answer. Instead, he looks at Jun who is growing red in the face. Jun hangs his head, “Sorry. I didn’t know that it was a… secret. I mean, it’s all over the internet.”

Yuzu shakes his head, “Is okay.” And then to me, “Let’s talk?”

I am still in shock. His accomplishments, everything that he has achieved—it’s hard to fathom that this soft boy in front of me is all that I’ve read. I mean, now that I look at him closely, I can see it. All of it. The fierceness in his eyes, the look of determination on his face when he skates, the way he weaves in and out of choreography, his skating perfection… I can see how and why he is what his medals show him to be. But the lean, almost feminine guy in front of me—really?

“Yuki?” He calls my name. Jun is decidedly trying to blend in with the couch as he avoids our eyes. I nod at Yuzu and I follow him to the kitchen where Jason is putting food on plates. He takes one look at Yuzu, his hands in mid-air. “Jason, we talk here. Is okay?” Yuzu asks.

Jason nods, wiping his hands quickly on a towel. “Yeah! Sure! Everything good?” He asks as an afterthought before leaving the kitchen. Yuzu nods with a small smile, “Yes. Everything okay.”

No. Everything is not okay. Not really. My head is spinning from all the information I’ve just been handed and I lean backwards on the counter, staring at the tiled floor and my shoes. Yuzuru Hanyu is figure skating royalty. I was right the first time. And I cannot help but feel a twinge of... anger? Annoyance? Betrayal? For what? Because he didn’t tell me?

I feel like everyone has been laughing behind my back for not knowing who Yuzuru Hanyu truly is. It was right there, right there in front of me. But I chose to ignore them.

Yuzu seems to be waiting for Jason’s footsteps to fade and a small, “Hey, Jun!” before he turns around and looks at me, “Yuki.” he says.

“Is it true?” I ask in a small voice. I know it is. But I need him to confirm all that I’ve just found out. Also, I don’t know what to say.

Yuzu looks a little lost, “What Jun say?”

I sigh, “Everything.” I gesture into nothingness, my hands falling to my sides helplessly. “Why didn’t you tell me?” I’m still not sure how to feel. I know I am being overly dramatic about this. Betrayed? No. That was his to keep. Hurt? Why would I be hurt? He did tell me to search for him. I’m the stubborn one. I’m the one who wanted him to be normal—so that maybe… just maybe, I might have a chance.

“Is not something to say in first meeting,” He says slowly.

“What about the second time? The third time?” I try not to snap at him but clearly, that’s not working. I know this is unfair. He’s not the one to blame but I can’t help it. I am annoyed at being made into a fool even though there’s a huge part of me that knows that was not his intention. And that everything is my fault. At this point, I’m just lashing out at him.

“What I say, ‘Hi, I’m Yuzuru Hanyu. I am double Worlds and Olympics champion’?” He says. I hear uncertainty in his words.

“Maybe?!” Okay. Not really. If he did say that, I’d be too intimidated to continue talking to him, let alone allow myself in his presence, “Was that hard?” I ask in a softer voice.

But he shrugs, looking sheepish, “Gomen, Yuki. You right. I am not… I is…” He seems to be looking for the right words with his brows furrowed, “I say nothing but say something is better.” He looks at me expectantly, all bright-eyed and apologetic.

And I feel my annoyance fade. He really is kind. He has no obligation to tell me anything he does not want to and yet he’s the one apologising because I did not know who he was. Jun is right, Yuzuru Hanyu needs no introduction. He is surely used to people knowing who he is. And I am one of the ignorant ones. “It’s not your fault. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to blow up at you. I just felt… stupid,” I admitted. “Stupid that I didn’t know anything about you.”

Yuzu grins and shakes head, “You know some.”

“Some?” I raise an eyebrow at him. When he’s grinning like this, the blasted dimple blinds me and it just makes me feel a whole lot better.

He nods. “Hai. We friends only one week and you know me already.”

I think he’s wrong but I don’t say it. Everyday, I learn something new about him and it’s never enough. I feel like I can’t catch up. “Okay,” I say slowly.

He looks at me, eyes all soft and hopeful. “But I’m really sorry, Yuki. Gomen nasai. I tell you everything now.”

“Everything?” I am actually considering it.

He nods, “Everything. You ask, I answer everything.”

We stand in a not so awkward silence as he shuffles his shoes against the floor, looking all apologetic and so cute—oh so cute. “Okay,” I agree.

Finally, he chuckles. “Is good. You not angry.” He smiles, the dimple resurfaces. I shake my head because I am not really angry to begin with. He clasps his hands together and the sleeves of his pullover slide down his forearms. I see a glimpse of his round bracelets. “You’re always wearing those.” I point to them suddenly curious. He looks at me all wide-eyed.

“This?” He raises one hand up, spread fingers, turning his wrist this way and that.

I nod. “Yeah. I… wondered.”

“They lucky charms?” He shrugs. He fishes the necklaces out of the collar of his shirt and shows me, leaning closer. “And these. I wear always. Always. In competitions, in performances, in my skating always.”

I nod as I look closer. He shows me each one, “I have them very early. Wear… since junior skater.” I take a deep breath and touch the round blue ball. It’s hard and shiny and I take care not to touch his skin as he lifts his chin up so I could inspect it more closely.

“It’s very nice,” I say.

He nods. The rough diamond-shaped pendant is heavier and I touch it. There’s a symbol or inscription on it and before I could ask what it means, he answers. “Is make me brave and also… improve the skating and the… the… is improve the… feelings…”

I look up, the pendant in my hands. He has this lovely crease between his eyebrows as he tries to find the words to describe his necklace to me. I get that it’s some kind of power stone. I’ve heard a lot about it, narrowly escaping the buzz around it a few years back. “Like a stone that gives you good vibes and strength?” I ask.

He sighs and nods, “Hai. Sorry. Is hard to explain sometimes.”

I shake my head as I let the pendant go and he moves away, “It’s okay. I understand.”

Just then, Jason walks back in the kitchen and there’s a few seconds before I realise that Yuzu and I are standing close together. I stumble back and hit the counter with a yelp. Rubbing the sore spot, Jason looks at me with a naughty eyebrow raised. I glance towards Yuzu who is grinning obliviously, “Jason. Food time?”

Jason plants his hands on his hips, “Yes. Are you done now? Get out of my kitchen so I can feed you, babies.”

“Baby?” Yuzu says in mock shock as Jason shoos us both out of the way so he can go back to plating. Jason tuts but before I can really leave, he lays a hand on my arm and I look at his kind face.

“Yuki, is everything okay?” I shrug, not quite meeting his eyes. When I don’t answer, Jason sighs. “Is it about what Jun said?”

“You mean the truth?” I ask him almost testily. Jason clearly knew but he chose not to tell me too.

“I’m sorry, Yuki. It wasn’t my place to say,” Jason gives me a brief hug. “But this doesn’t change anything.”

I almost roll my eyes, “It changes everything. He’s a fucking Olympic Champion.”

But Jason waves it away, “And? I was US National Champion.” But he laughs, “I know it’s not the same. But Zhenya is an Olympic medallist too!”

I groan as I bump my forehead into his chest. Jason rubs my back vigorously, “We’re people too, Yuki. And to be honest, I enjoy your company. All my life, it’s always been skating this and skating that. I’m always surrounded by judgment or people with agendas. But with you… It’s like making a new friend. And you get to know me, the person, not just the skater.” Jason gives me a tight squeeze and I yelp, getting my breath knocked out of me. “Yuzu, he’s had it… harder than all of us. He’s always being watched. And maybe that’s why he tried to delay you into knowing. Because then the magic will be broken.”

“Magic,” I scoff.

Jason grabs my shoulders and shakes me, “You are magic, Yuki. You are like a breath of fresh air into our lives and Zhenya and I are grateful for meeting you. Sometimes, it’s nice to have friends outside the only world we know.” He cups my cheek, rubs his thumb against it affectionately and it makes me sigh.

“Okay… Thank you, I guess,” I say with a smile.

“Just… Make sure this doesn’t change anything between you and Yuzu. He kind of needs you, you know,” Jason turns his back on me and resumes doling out portions of curry onto plates.

“Needs me?” I whisper loudly, unbelievingly.

Jason nods without looking at me, preoccupied with his ladle, “Yes. He needs you. Zhenya needs you. I need you. But it’s mostly him who needs you.”

I feel a surge of pride within, making me warm in all the right places. I think I’m blushing as I tuck my hair behind my ear. I’ve never been told that I’m needed this way. I don’t want to overthink but I also don’t know what to say.

“You’re like his new Javi,” Jason chuckles as he takes out spoons from the drawer. Before I could ask who Javi is, Zhenya comes bouncing into the kitchen, arms wrapping themselves around my waist as she hugs me.

“Where were you?” She asks.

“Just here,” I’m starting to see Zhenya like a baby sister and I do not hate it. I give her a squeeze. “Your Mom?”

“Oh, it’s because I forgot to tell her that I’m having dinner here at Jason’s,” She looks over at Jason who is balancing plates on his hands. “Need help?” She offers cheekily.

“I cook and I serve too? Am I your maid?” Jason rolls his eyes as we rush forward to help him.

XXX

The next day, I wake up with disheveled hair at noon and answer the door. I come face to face with William who greets me with a smile. “Ms. Gallego, good morning.”

“Morning, William. Can I help you?”

“I just wanted to ask if your room is okay. And if you will be extending your stay after this week.”

That wakes me up abruptly as I gulp, “Oh.” I still have a few days left to think about it and to be honest, I haven’t given it much thought since I arrived, “Is it… Uhmm… The room is okay.” I gesture randomly to my bed. “Thank you for cleaning it up.”

Williams nods, “You’re welcome. Then the… extension—?”

I twirl a lock of my hair that has escaped my ponytail and shrug, “Can I… get back to you on that? I haven’t really thought about it yet.”

William nods, “No problem. I just wanted to check and give you this.” He produces a leaflet out his pocket. “The reason I asked is because we have a promo starting next week. And maybe you would like to avail of it?”

I take the leaflet and see the discount they are offering for longer stays. I scan the contents.

“Just please don’t hesitate to call the reception or approach me anytime,” William gives me a small bow and he leaves. I close the door behind him and drop the leaflet on the table near it. I sigh and make my way back to bed, pulling the covers over me.

I should really go home. I should. There is nothing holding me here, aside from the new friends that I’ve made and of course, Yuzu. I spent most of last night reading everything I could about him. Now that I’ve started looking into him, he is everywhere. I watched countless videos on Youtube, his subbed documentaries and even checked his hashtag on Instagram. I feel like I barely scratched the surface.

There are probably thousands of fan accounts out there that worship everything about him from his super cute antics to his intense dramatic faces. Not a few of them fail to appreciate his lean curves, his muscles, his lines, and his perfection. And finally… I finally know who Javi is.

Javier is a figure skater who once trained with Yuzu at TCC. He’s from Spain and is the reason Yuzu went to Canada in the first place. He’s seen the improvement to Javier’s jumps when he started training under Brian. But I didn’t get to meet him because he retired right after the European Championships which was just right before I came here.

I saw their videos, their chemistry… like they were lovers or they _are_. The several times they were both on the podium were so sweet and charming and just… wonderful to watch. I can see now why the fans are shipping both of them, ‘yuzuvier’. It is fitting… All the hand-holding and hugs and lingering looks between the rivals and friends are insanely misleading. If not for me finding out Javier has a girlfriend named Marina, I wouldn’t have given them any benefit of the doubt.

I also saw several interviews as they talk about each other, praising their talents and stressing as to how important them training and being together are. The different ways Javier cups Yuzu’s cheeks unabashedly or pulls him in by the waist as Yuzu giggles and laughs into his embrace,. There are countless pictures documenting their closeness like the perfect couple. Javier said it perfectly when he said that Yuzu is his skating wife.

I cannot forget what Jason said yesterday, about me becoming Yuzu’s new Javi. And now all I can think about is how I am a replacement, someone he’s latched on to after losing his best friend. And I don’t… I don’t think I like it.

I groan, pulling the covers tighter around me. My head feels like it’s going to burst. I haven’t written anything in the last couple of days and I’m sure I need some alone time. I peek to look out the window and to see the steady falling of snow to replace the storms of yesterday. Fuck. I can’t go out in this.

My phone beeps. I grab it and look at a message from Zhenya, ‘ _Hey! Where are you?’_ If I remember correctly, they have training today. The senior skaters usually have the same schedule which means Yuzu should be there too. I type in a quick reply, ‘ _Just woke up.’_ I let my phone drop from my hand with a soft thump as I lay on my back and stare at the ceiling, breathing steadily.

Yuzuvier is not the only thing I saw last night. I also saw Yuzuzhenya. Apparently, they were very close up until the Olympics, hugging and hanging out with someone called Misha Ge. Zhenya didn’t tell me about this but after reading about them both denying it, I am guessing they are kind of avoiding each other in the public eye and they’re drifting further apart. Still, the videos of them circulating around Instagram are fresh in my head. And I can’t honestly say that I am not jealous. I try to not think of it since I think I know Zhenya. She’s a sweet little girl and I care for her after the few times we’ve hung out. And yet…

My phone beeps again. I look at it to see Zhenya sending me another message, ‘ _Are you going to TCC today?_ ’ The ID that Yuzu left me is on my bedside table. When I tried to give it back yesterday, he just shook his head and told me that I should keep it. I don’t know if… I can go to TCC with all the knowledge that I have right now. I know there is nothing going on between Yuzu and Zhenya but I need time to myself.

‘ _Do you need me for something? I was hoping to get some stuff done today.’_ I reply.

It doesn’t take long for her to reply, ‘ _Stuff? What stuff?’_

_‘I am leaving this weekend. And I need to pack up and maybe get some souvenirs.’_ The last part is a lie. No one is waiting for souvenirs. No one even knows I am here. I stare at my home screen for a while, waiting for Zhenya’s reply but after a minute, I put the phone back down again.

I need to get some writing down. I need to get this out of my chest. Resolved, I get out of bed and drag my ass off to the shower. I’ll hang out at the lounge and just watch people and maybe something will come out onto paper.

XXX

Satisfied, I close my notebook and exhale heavily. I lean back on my cozy arm chair and massage my wrist. I’ve been writing nonstop and Will was kind enough to bring me coffee whenever he’s not busy in the lobby. I’m not sure what time it is since I didn’t bring my phone with me but it’s dark outside and the snow is still falling.

Gathering my stuff, I put them back inside my bag and make my way towards the elevator. Will nods at me from his position behind the counter and I step inside the lift. I hum to myself as I reach the third floor but gasp when I see Yuzu pacing outside my door.

“Yuzu?” I call out to him.

He breaks into a smile and bounces up to me, “Yuki!”

“What… what are you doing outside my door?” I ask him and take out my keycard. He doesn’t wait to be invited in as he follows me inside my room. I drop my backpack on the floor beside the door.

“Coffee? Tea?” I ask him.

He shakes his head and he looks around. I see his eyes linger on my open suitcase. A few clothes are already folded inside, clothes that I will not be wearing for the rest of the week. He shakes his head at my offer of drinks, “Zhenya say you leaving?”

I don’t answer immediately. I hand him a bottle of water despite his rejections and he takes it. His hair is damp and his eyes are wide. He’s still wearing his training clothes underneath a plain black jacket with the brand Chacott on the upper left side. I point to a chair and he sits on it. I perch myself on the edge of my bed. I can tell he’s still waiting for my answer.

I sigh, “Yes. I was meant to stay for two weeks only, remember?”

He nods slowly, tucking his hair behind his ear. His fringe tickles his eyes as he looks down, “I remember. You say to Will first time only two weeks. You have… three? Four? Why pack early?” He gestures to my suitcase.

I let out a nervous laugh, “I am a… slow packer. It’s better that I start early.”

“What about time-out?” He finally cracks the bottle open and takes a long drink. I don’t know if it’s sweat that’s dotting his brow or just melted snow.

“Well… this time-out doesn’t pay. My bank account is not endless.” I raise an eyebrow.

He scrunches his nose, “If you have job, you stay?”

Yes, Yuzu. If I have something to fund my vacation, I can probably stay. But that’s not the only reason I’m leaving. I’m leaving because this feels like a fairytale. I’m leaving because I can’t have this crush evolve into something more. I’m leaving because there is no hope. I look at Yuzu in front of me, all lean and beautiful in his training gear with his phantom gold medals around his neck. And I know that I am way out of his league.

“Maybe,” I say.

“That is not good answer. Yes or no only.” He smirks. He caps the bottle close and grins, “I try to… con—“ he stops mid-sentence as he closes his eyes, looking for the right word.

“Convince?” I suggest.

He nods vigorously, “Hai. Convince. I am not convince you to stay?”

He’s so endearing and it makes me giggle, “It’s not that easy, Yuzu.”

“Is easy. Say yes and you stay,” He grins triumphantly. I don’t know why he wants me to stay that bad but Jason telling me that I’m his new Javi echoes in my head. No, Yuzu. I don’t want to be your new Javi.

“I will still need a job, Yuzu. I can’t stay here doing nothing.”

“We find you job,” He shrugs.

“Spoken like someone who’s never tried looking for a job before,” I say before I could stop myself. I hope I didn’t offend him but he just smiles at me. I want to look away. Him smiling at me makes me lose my resolve. “Also, everything is there: my life, my apartment.”

“I go to Canada before to change life. New life, new apartment, new everything,” He argues.

Yes, Yuzu. But that is different. You had to. You had to uproot your life from Japan to go follow a skater and a coach in a new continent. You did it because you had purpose. And your Mom was there to help you. “That’s… different,” I say.

He runs his hand through his hair and puts his bottle of water down. He gets up on his feet and walks towards me, “I give you job.”

I look up at his tall figure, “That will be awkward and weird.”

“Is not same as old job. But is fun, maybe? For you?” He puts his hands in the pockets of his track pants.

I can’t deny that I am curious. He’s looking at me and once again, I find myself captivated by his gaze. “What kind of job?” I ask.

He paces around my room, shuffling the carpet with his white and gold sneakers. “Oka-san… help me with my… practices and training.” He stops in front of the window and looks out, “She help me with my… time?”

“Schedule?”

He nods, “Hai, schedule. And all the calls and the emails and the… interviews.”

I know where this is going, “You need an assistant?”

But he shakes his head, “No. Uhhhmmm… More. More assistant.” His hands wave around as he tries to explain.

“A manager?”

Finally, he nods. He grins at me, “Hai. I need new manager.”

“But… doesn’t Brian do that? Or don’t you have a PR team to handle all these?”

He shakes his head, “Brian does training time and he is coach only. He is not manager.”

I cannot believe I am actually considering this. A few minutes ago, I was determined to leave and get away from him and his world. But he’s actually succeeding in convincing me to take this job. Taking it would mean, I will be with him at all times. I will be by his side. It’s a trap. My little crush will go full-on and then there’ll really be no escape. I know this. I can already see it. It’s tempting, oh so tempting. “Basically… You need me to… The job is to manage your time and… do everything your Mom used to do for you?”

He nods as he turns to look at me. He’s silhouetted against the dark sky, “Hai. Is very different job from old job.”

I agree. I’ve never been an assistant before. It sounds easy enough even though I know it’s not. “Yes. Very different.”

There is a few minutes of silence as he leans against the wall, looking over his shoulder. He looks like he’s posing for magazine ad or a commercial, “Stay, Yuki. Onegai.”

He’s used that on me before, once when he was drunk. And I was powerless against it. I can pretend that I am not going to accept this job he’s offering but deep inside, I know I already did. He doesn’t even have to say please. I feel pathetic as I hold on to something that I’m sure is not even there. But no one else can make me change my mind. Just him.

“Okay, Yuzu…” I say softly, staring at my fingers. Maybe if I stay… I can find a way to not be his new Javi. Maybe if I stay, I can find a way to stay with him as me.

“You say yes?” I am not looking at him but I can hear the smile in his voice.

I walked right into the trap, a trap he unknowingly set. And I don’t know if I love or hate myself for it. I nod slowly, still staring at my fingers, “Hai. I accept.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks, Nhi. I love you 5000 ;)

**Author's Note:**

> Follow me on Instagram: @flyuzuru


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